Tuesday, April 04, 2006

My first Poo Post

There was a mermaid in the swimming pool this morning.

Of course, no one took any notice. Everyone was just being terribly British about the whole spectacle. Even when she slithered out at the shallow end and started drying her tail at the side of the pool...

I noticed, however. Not at first, mind. It was only when I was doing a length underwater - goggles on, naturally - that she became apparent. And I don't mean her tail.

A long string of poo trailed from her bum as she swam around, like those dirty guppies or goldfish do.

Needless to say, I got out sharpish, leaving her (and the rest of the early morning swimmers) to swim around in her own feculence.

Dirty bint.





After Frobisher's 'Jackie Collins' comment (see the comments of the next post down), I'm toying with the idea of adding a couple of 'racy' paragraphs, but don't know if I dare. I don't want this to become a Not Safe For Work Blog. Your thoughts, please...

EDIT 05/04/06 17:53 - After much consideration, I've decided not to post the porn (sorry Spike). I don't want you all thinking I'm some sort of perv!

25 comments:

  1. Nah, a mermaid trailing shit behind her is quite well enough, thank you.

    Very well done mental image, I can just SEE it. Er, her. Rather.

    ReplyDelete
  2. *£2.50*

    Racy paragraphs!

    ReplyDelete
  3. there are enough blogs i can't read at work, thank you. do you want me to start working for a living or something?

    ReplyDelete
  4. "feculence"??? *rushes for my Collins Gem Dictionary*

    I have learnt something today, word of the day "feculence".

    Do Mermaids have Lady Gardens?

    ReplyDelete
  5. *steals Spikes £2.50 and uses it to buy cake*

    ReplyDelete
  6. So we're on 'poo' stories again, eh?

    Oh and thank you for the Birthday card babe!

    The postman delivered it on time this morning. The twenty pound note was missing from it though!

    ReplyDelete
  7. SC & SG: I've decided not to post the porn, you'll be pleased to know.

    Spike: Sorry. But since Fuckkit nicked the £2.50 I'm not going to do it anyway.

    Frobi: I didn't look hard enough - it looked a bit slimy, to be honest!

    Piggy: You're welcome! I slaved over that card Monday night so I'm glad Mr Postman got it to you on time. Happy Birthday!

    ReplyDelete
  8. You never sent me a bloody card on my birthday. Tight sod.

    Anyway, if you think about it, what blogs are safe for work? I don't know a single employer that wouldn't go apeshit if they caught their staff blogging on company time.

    ReplyDelete
  9. Ours is safe for work!

    Go on you lot that are viewing from work, take a peek. It's perfectly safe. All full of fluffy kittens and stuff.

    Fuckkit didn't deserve a card on her birthday - she's upping and leaving soon. She'll have forgotten all about us soon enough, so why waste a card on her?

    *starts to pine for Fuckkit already*

    Still, at least we've got the news of her murder in the outback to look forward to.

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  10. Thats right, feed my already paranoid mind. I think my life expectancy is gonna half the minute I land.

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  11. Half? I was thinking more along the lines of one eighth to one sixteenth...

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  12. Fuckkit- If I were you, I'd back out of the out back.

    IDV- Fishy poo. That's a new one.
    Perhaps you should have forwarned us with a small 'trailer'.

    ReplyDelete
  13. Mermaids are really filthy aren't they?

    Porn is not required in order to lure me here. Its the scintillating company of course.

    Actually, I just follow the cake crumbs that Fuckkit leaves all over the Internet. Whereever she goes, I go :-)

    ReplyDelete
  14. Device: I don't want you all thinking I'm some sort of perv!

    Too late!

    Fuckkit: *steals Spikes £2.50 and uses it to buy cake*

    Oi!

    Tickersoid: Fuckkit- If I were you, I'd back out of the out back.

    Nah. Just comb yer hair so your corpse looks good on the telly.

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  15. Tickers: Why should I warn you? I had to put up with the full size version. If my sensibilities are offended then so shall yours be!

    You'd better watch it Fuckkit, look what happened to Hansel & Gretel when they left cake crumbs all over the place: Lost in the woods then eaten by a witch (the true story, not that sappy mush for kids). I think KG is after you!

    And Spike, I'll have you know I'm a veritable Mary Whitehouse!

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  16. Wot, no porn at all? Not even a gratuitous nipple shot?

    ReplyDelete
  17. inexplicable device: What's wrong with getting eaten by a witch. Happened to my sister once. She quite liked it, although she wasn't that taken with the overabundance of joss sticks in the boudoir. A bit too lipstick for her tastes.

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  18. Qenny: How lovely of you to drop by. I personally don't think there's anything wrong with being eaten by a witch. I ea...

    Oh.

    That kind of eating.

    I'm sure Fuckkit wouldn't mind!

    And no, Fuckkit. No nipples. T&P have an avatar in their Forum that's a one man interpretation of some of the 'goings on'. I think it's in the Blogger Chat stuff: An Avatar meant for SID...

    ReplyDelete
  19. Here is something none of you should be deprived of!
    http://www.ratemypoo.com

    I STRONGLY recommend you visit this site!

    ReplyDelete
  20. Anonymous8/4/06 09:08

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    make some nice extra cash secret shopping. Just go to the site below
    and put in your zip to see what's available in your area.
    I made over $900 last month having fun!
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    ReplyDelete
  21. Lee: I've decided to keep it to myself - Why should everyone else benefit?! : )

    IB: * vomits *

    anon: Fuck Right Off!

    ReplyDelete
  22. I've just visited the rate-my-poo site... and I'm now lost for words.

    We all know I have a fascination with poo, but it seems my Ickle Bro has beaten me hands down.

    *mopes off*

    ReplyDelete
  23. I thought he was something to do with you, FT. Younger siblings always have to go one better, don't they?

    ReplyDelete
  24. Anonymous12/4/06 05:43

    This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

    ReplyDelete