Sunday, 22 January 2006

Neighbourhood Witch

There is a reason for not posting until now, despite the fact that I said in my last post that I would at least twice a week. The reason is this:

I accidently sucked the wand up the Dyson last Sunday.

It got jammed in the cyclotron-thingummydoodah and discharged, releasing magical energy equivalent of a two kilothaum bomb in my dining room! You should have seen the results.

The Dyson's morphogenic field collapsed and it turned into this enormous clattering clank of purple and silver plastic with a tornado up its chute.

After it chased me around the table a couple of times, I managed to shoo it out the back door and lure it down the road to the railway track. On the way it managed to suck up two cats and the screaming toddler from number 64 - why its parents let it wander around in the street at that time in the evening is beyond me. Anyway, at least it got rid of the whining little brat!

Luckily the 19:34 to London was on time and smashed it to smithereens. Although I did notice what looked like a scratched and dusty child and two manky furballs hurtling over the gas works towards Whitlingham Broad when the train hit.

Anyway, that's the reason I haven't posted in a week. Well, That's the cause of the reason. The actual reason was because of *intensive questioning* by the local police. Why the neighbours thought I was responsible I don't know. The fact that I was isn't the point. I would've thought they'd be glad to get rid of that screeching little git...

I've also decided not to give the Host his own profile to post his own point of view - it's too complicated. Instead, I'm going to amalgamate our psyches. It's far less technical although it will sting somewhat.

This just means that you'll have to put up with a slightly schizo me. Or him.

If there's modernisms and vulgar swearing, it's him. If it's eloquent, sophisticated dialogue that's witty and a tad archaic, it's me. Hang on. In actual fact it's probably someone else!


  1. Anonymous23/1/06 18:05

    Hello Missus. Regards to him as well, of course. I sympathise with the old Dyson. Mine appears to have grown it's own personality (I think it may be the radioactive grime it has imbibed since my relocation) and keeps sucking up my left socks/gloves/stockings. Not quite so inconvenient as a missing wand, however quite damaging to ones outfit I must admit.

  2. Especially if you're wearing them at the time...


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