Monday, 9 January 2006

I should have seen it coming

"Couldn't you have forseen this?" I asked, somewhat petulantly. Seer looked indignant as I glared at him.

"I did" he exclaimed. "Why do you think I gasped and gripped you tighter?"

Bugger. I thought it was because he had a thing for me.

After disentangling ourselves from the brambles that had very kindly broken our fall, we glared at each other until Dragon landed nearby.

"You burped?" I asked incredulously. She carried on looking sheepish and started wrapping her tail around her wrist in nervousness.

At that moment, Knight (of the naked variety) bounded up, clipboard in hand. He looked like he was smirking but I couldn't tell for sure because it was dark. And my contact lenses were a bit gummy due to the wind streaming into my eyes during our plummet to earth.

" You were doing quite well until Dragon's bout of wind" he stated, staring directly at me, his face now impassive. Damn he was good.

"Of course I was doing well" I almost shrieked. "I'd've been bloody brilliant if it wasn't for her" and I spun on my heels to point an accusing finger at Dragon. Rudely.

"You realise that's the kind of thing we're training for" he replied somewhat patronisingly. "You need to be prepared. I mean, what did you expect when being chased by a dragon?" Good God he was infuriating! "For Christ's sake, you've got Seer as a passenger. He should've had his precognition switched on. And you're a bloody witch" - that much was true. I was covered with scratches and cuts from the brambles - "you ought to have known something was up." He tutted and started marking the paper on his clipboard.

"You try evading that loony on this" - and I shook the blackened broom at him - "thing! Look at the bristles. Just look! It'll take ages for replacements to be zeppelined in from Tartarus*."

Knight just looked at me with thinly disguised contempt. Just as he turned away, he winked, instantly making me even more angry and turning me on something chronic.

The (sexy) bastard!

* Not its original name. Tired of being instantly forgotten because of its (deserved) reputation as the most boring place on earth, the denizens of Fakenham changed its name to Tartarus in 1999, not realising (i.e. being ignorant) the Hellish connection. To this day, tortured souls turn up only to be bored senseless by the town and its inhabitants. Maybe the real Tartarus was full and this was at the end of the spillway...


  1. Ah Fakenham, one of those places you see signposts for but never feel the urge to visit. Now if it really was called Tartarus, I'd be tempted to drop in next time I'm over there. I also like the name "Bushy Common".

  2. If it was "Bushy Posh" I might go...

  3. Anonymous12/1/06 19:25

    I'm just musing on the notion of a naked knight. For some reason, I keep going all python-esque. All I can see in my poor little brain is a naked totm of the knights who say 'Nee!' 'neh, neh, neh!'.
    Oh dear, now where's that valium?

  4. Anonymous12/1/06 19:25

    that's totem, sorry!


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