Sunday, August 15, 2010

Troll bridge


Last week, there was a troll under the bridge I use to cross the river and get to work. Luckily, it seemed only to be visible to Cusp dwellers, the undead, the almost undead (i.e. me) and goats* rather than the general public. I mean, can you imagine the uproar if commoners caught sight of a bloody troll? It'd be like Cloverfield all over again. Although on a slightly smaller scale...



Anyway, I first saw it on Thursday as I was crossing Riverside Road in front of the train Station. Luckily, it was just returning to it's lair under the Foundry bridge [image via] after trying to eat Fekxzl, the Aviva (nee Norwich Union) Hell Portal demon. Quite why it didn't eat him I don't know, but I have a sneaking suspicion that it may have been due to Fekxzl's personal hygiene. Or lack thereof. So, I obscured myself and crossed the bridge hoping that the troll would have moved on by the time I left work.
It hadn't. I could see it lurking as I approached from Prince Of Wales Road. I was positive that it hadn't spotted me, so I obscured myself again and crossed the road hoping to get lost amidst a crowd of youths going the same way and make it safely to the other side. I almost made it, too. Almost.

It leapt up spitting and drooling, totally ignoring the tasty teenage delinquents (and in turn was ignored by them - After all, teenagers are more often than not far too self absorbed to notice anything other than themselves), fixating it's bloodshot gaze squarely at me. It gave me quite a start, let me tell you!
I glanced around just in case it was glaring at someone (or something) else, but my immediate vicinity was devoid of troll-prey. Having no other choice, I confronted the slavering beast and, after much sidestepping to avoid the dripping slobber, convinced it to eat a couple of the teenagers who were at that point slouching around at the other end of the bridge. To be fair, they were horrible little monsters and quite probably were actual demon spawn.

What I didn't appreciate was being thanked by the troll - with it's mouth still full of teenager - for pointing out the young and tender option, rather than just letting it eat a tough and stringy looking me!



* Norwich, being slap bang in the middle of a farming county, still sees it's fair share of farm animals wandering the streets. Although, the main type of farmyard creature found at large here are ducks, rather than goats.


8 comments:

  1. "I obscured myself"

    It works! I can't find you in the pix!

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  2. Have you been masquerading in your goat costume again?...
    those teens were obviously trolling for trolls...serves them right...

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  3. I'm going to quote Piggy and Tazzy from one of your previous posts...

    "Increasingly, I feel like I need to be drunk when I visit here to make any sense of it all."

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  4. xl: Hurrah! At least I managed to get something right!

    Princess: Teenagers are always trolling for something. I'm glad they got it this time!

    MJ: Ooh! It's like you're channelling them from beyond the grave!

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  5. Stringy I get, but you look tough?

    I think not.

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  6. Him? Tough?!

    HA HA HA HAH AH HA HAH HA HAH AHAH AHA HAH HA HAAH HA HA HA HA HA H AHHA AHHA HA HA H H AH HAHA HA HA AH HA H HAAH HA!

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  7. The teenager demon spawns need to learn respect, so it's good you were there to guide the troll in the right direction.

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  8. 'Petra: No, I didn't mean I look tough, just that I'd be too tough to eat.

    Tim: For goodness sakes breathe before you pass out on the floor!

    Tara: A case of Right Place, Right Time, perhaps?

    ReplyDelete