Saturday 1 November 2008

The Prince(ss) and the Pee: Part One

long time ago, in a kingdom far, far away-

Oh, enough of the Star Wars crap - It won't make it any more interesting.

Yes. It's bad enough you couldn't get off your lazy arse and write this for Hallowe'en.

I had (and still have) Man Flu™!

That's as may be, but we all know Man Flu™ doesn't affect Gayers to the same degree as Breeder Men.

Yeah. Just get on with it.

Oh, be quiet!

* ahem *

ot so long ago - last night, in fact - a castle's kitchen was alive with bustle and swearing.

"Oh, forfucksakes! Get out there with that" the exasperated head chef hissed at the hapless waiter while pointing at a tray of complicated looking hors d'oeuvre.

"Yes, chef" mumbled the waiter.

"And you" the chef blasted, turning to face the flinching kitchen boy. "I want this place spotless when I come down to do dinner. I can feel one of my heads coming on, so you'll have to manage without me for an hour or so."

"Yes, chef."

"Don't fuck things up."

"Yes, chef" they both answered, trying not to cower too much.

When the highly strung and increasingly venomous chef had stormed out, they both sagged and turned to each other.

"Monsieur Queynte's in a right strop tonight. Did you break more dishes doing the washing up this morning, Beast?" the waiter accused.

"No!" the kitchen boy replied indignantly. "I thought you must've dropped yet another breakfast tray, Mr Frobisher?"

The two men glowered at each other through narrowed eyes before Frobisher flounced off with the hors d'oeuvre tray and Beast turned away with a sigh wondering where to begin in the untidy kitchen.

~ ~ ~

In the castle's grand ballroom, the fancy dress ball was in full swing. The guests were mingling, each dressed up according to their interpretation of the calendar theme. They made their way elegantly around the opulant ballroom, gliding from one group of gossiping party-goers to another, from the magnificent buffet tables to the dancefloor, and then on to the raised dais at the far end of the room to parade themselves before the royal family.
The crown prince, Eros, was surrounded by a gaggle of giggling girls. Not surprising really considering his costume. Or lack thereof. His fancy-dress consisted of a tiny pair of strawberry icecream-pink trunks and lashings of cream, chocolate sauce and icecream melting quickly over his tanned, muscular body.
At the other end of the room, the Willow Fairy, dressed as Wednesday Addams, and the court artist, dressed somewhat strangely, were talking.

"These hors d'oeuvres are quite delightful, don't you think?" the artist asked her companion.

"Um... Yes" was the somewhat distracted reply. "They're very... um... exotic. Look. I've been meaning to ask since you got here: Why are you dressed as a giant poo?"

The Poo coughed in shock. "I'm not a poo! I'm a date" she said, aghast. "You think I'm a poo?"

"Well... Yes."

"Oh my gods." The Date, nee Poo, was horrified. "Everyone else must think I'm a poo, too."

"I'm sure not everyone thinks that..." the Willow Fairy said attempting to console her. "Some might think you're a... a..." But before she could come up with a less insulting idea, the french doors behind them were flung open revealing a very handsome, but almost naked young man with a look of confused desperation in his eyes.

"Someone didn't get the revised invitation" the Willow Fairy whispered to the newly revealed Date before turning back to the, frankly stunning, man before them. Both pairs of eyes lowered involuntarily to the... Handkerchief, that was all that prevented the man from being indecent.

"The Greek Gods theme was cancelled" the Date said to him after she managed to look him in the face.

The man looked wildly around the room, then back at the Date. "Are you dressed as a poo?" he asked in confusion.

The Willow Fairy burst into peals of laughter as the Date sulked and the 'Greek God' disappeared into the crowded ballroom.

To be continued...


  1. Yay!

    First bitches!

    Can't wait to read more. Thumbs up for the man candy!

  2. Oooh er!

    This is shaping up to be a good one!

    My password is 'tured' a variation on the poo theme, methinks.

  3. *swanks about smugly*

    That 's' is not a typo, either.

    I did look a lot like Wednesday Adams last night, however did you know?

    I cannot comment on WPD's pooness, mind you, but I feel the need to investigate.

  4. Poo jokes and hilarity - good times!

  5. His fancy-dress consisted of a tiny pair of strawberry icecream-pink trunks and lashings of cream, chocolate sauce and icecream melting quickly over his tanned, muscular body

    You've obviously not thought long and hard about this at all.

  6. CyberPetra: I thought your sweet tooth would enjoy the candy.

    T-Bird: Don't hold your breath - It can only go downhill from here.

    WillowC: I just knew that if anyone could carry off Addams Family chic, it's you!

    Tim: Nothing beats a good poo joke.

    MJ: You're right, I didn't have to think about it. It's been indelibly etched into my memory ever since Eros posted those pictures.

  7. It was definately the "tiny pair of strawberry icecream-pink trunks and lashings of cream, chocolate sauce and icecream "

    Mmmmmm. The photo didn't ruin the mood.

    And who doesn't like a good poo joke.

  8. Ha Ha Ha you got a typical shift at Cafe C down to a T , even down to a Frobisher Flounce :-)

  9. Loving this so far, and yes, thank you for reviving the pic of the crown prince. Can't wait to learn more about the Greek god.

  10. Ha! Another fantastic story beginning!

    How did you know I was looking at buying a nice tiny pair of strawberry ice cream pink trunks?

    *Note to self: Clean up the sticky, white stuff after playing with it*

  11. *sends sympathy and vodka*

  12. The Prince(ss) has a urinary tract infection?

    PS: What are the entry requirements to become one of the Flying Monkeys?

  13. Part two?

    *taps feet impatiently*

  14. .... oh my.... ((fans self weakly))

    That Eros is one hot Texan! I may just need to head down there for a visit. Yum. Make like a Snowbird and all.

    ((swats CyberPete's hands away from the Naked One))

    Can't wait for Part Two. ((drums fingertips on table and refreshes computer screen umpteen times))

  15. Be careful Ponygirl one could lose an arm doing that.

    Yeah, where is part two?

  16. Ahem... Cyberpete, I can heft 75 pound bales of hay about with ease.... you might want to be the one to be careful!

    ((grins wickedly at CP))

  17. Stop pestering my Diddums for Part Two.

    He's sick with the Man Flu™, for heaven's sake.

    Do you people have no empathy?

  18. point taken Ponygirl!

    *backs off*

    MJ: no..?

  19. MJ, I can't believe you've been suckered in by his claims of man flu. He probably just sneezed once and taken to his 'sick bed.'

    Drama queen.

  20. 'Petra: It's quite possible that there were sprinkles, too!

    BEAST: I'm very meticulous with my research.

    Scratch that. I didn't really do any research - I just took it as a given that there was a Frobisher Flounce.

    Snooze: Thank you. I don't think there can be enough pics of our crown prince.

    Speaking of whom...

    Ah, Eros. Did you find any that fit?

    Spike: Thank you. I'm nearly better now.

    XL: It wouldn't surprise me.

    Lovely of you to stop by. Thank you.

    As for entering the legion of Flying Monkeys: well, you've taken the first step just by commenting.

    * rubs hands in evil glee *

    Mwah hah hah hah ha! Another lackey to do my evil bidding!

    * ahem *

    Did I say that out loud?

    Tim: Ta da!

    Ponygirl: Another new commenter. Welcome.

    I'll have to post Topless-Texans more often, I think.

    'Petra: I want a good clean fight, now.

    Oh, who am I kidding. The bitchier the better!

    Ponygirl: Careful. 'Petra's a mean shot with a handful of sequins.

    MJ: No, really. Who are you really?

    'Petra: Now why doesn't that surprise me?

    Tim: Ah, you're just saying that to try and disguise the fact that you're really worried about me. Just like a man. Awwww....

  21. Cyberpete and I could get into some mud wrestling... would that be good enough???

    Yes, please do post LOTS more pics of that Topless Texan - bottomless would be appreciated too.... ;-D


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