Saturday, September 06, 2008
Coven Origins: Part Three
"It does give them a lift, doesn't it." Snow White said. "Where did you get it from?"
"Well, this one comes from The Bodice Shop over in Varz" Rapunzel replied, "but I have a golden metal bikini from-"
"Ssshhhhhh!" Scarlet hissed, silencing further conversation about their boobs.
"What?" whispered Rapunzel.
"Someone's approaching from" Scarlet cocked her head to the left "over there" she nodded.
"I can't hear anything" Snow White whispered. Scarlet brushed back her blonde hair and exposed a slightly pointed ear to the young queen. "Ah."
After a few seconds, Rapunzel spoke in hushed tones. "I can hear something now."
"Me too" Snow White chimed in.
Scarlet sniffed the air. "It's a man." She sniffed again. "He's on his own." The three young women stood up, forming a triangle facing into the forest where the man was coming from. Scarlet was at point, with Rapunzel to her left and Snow White to her right. "Here he comes now."
The sounds of the man approaching through the undergrowth got louder: Rustling leaves, snapping twigs and a curious hissing, crackling sound. Then, through a particularly dense thicket of birch trees, the girls made out a shadowy figure, the glint of sunlight on metal and a swishing sound.
Suddenly, several loud 'cracks' rang out in quick succession followed by a grunt, then the creaking and groaning of full-grown trees collapsing into each other. A hole appeared amongst the trees edging the clearing and a half-naked man in what looked like leather chaps and the charred, tattered remnants of a once white shirt strode through, brandishing an absolutely enormous axe!
Scarlet dropped to a crouch, starting to look less like a pleasant young woman, and more... Well, more furry and pointy. Rapunzel and Snow White however, just stood there, transfixed by the vision of manliness before them as leaves from the felled trees fluttered down around him. Those that landed on his broad shoulders immediately crinkled up, the moisture in them hissing away in the heat he generated.
Then, the woodcutter saw them. He raised an eyebrow devilishly. "Rawr!" he growled, eyeing them up, following with a disarmingly sexy grin.
Both Snow White and Rapunzel's hands went to their throats, their eyes wide. Even Scarlet rose from her fighting stance looking every bit the lady again.
"My ladies" he said, bowing before them. "I am Tim, a humble woodsma-"
"Yaaarrrghh! Look out below!"
The four looked up to see a witch barrelling out of the sky towards them.
Amidst a heap of snow and hair, Tim the woodsman shook his head free of ice crystals and looked at the witch atop him.
"Mmmmmph! Mmmmphfff!" said the witch through the pointed hat which had been rammed down over the witch's head in the crash.
"Here. Let me help you" Tim said kindly, yanking the black hat off the witch's head.
"My hero!" gushed the witch, grinning soppily at the devastatingly handsome man beneath him.
"Aaaargh! You're a man!" Tim yelled, pushing the witch off him. The snow hissed to steam around him, and within seconds it had all melted, exposing the three girls underneath, all of whom looked less than thrilled.
"What is the meaning of this?" exclaimed a damp Snow White.
"Your Majesty" said the witch, bowing. "I apologise for dropping in like that, but I've come with a warning: We're surrounded by the evil and perverse flying monkeys of Majestrix J'zhum. One of them ripped a handful of bristles out of my broom - Thank you" the witch said as a tendril of Rapunzel's hair proffered him his broom, "- Causing me to crash."
"Did you not see the monkey approach?"
"Umm... No. I was a little..." and the witch glanced at the half-naked woodcutter, "Distracted."
Snow White also stole a glance at the woodcutter. "Yes. I completely understand" she said, just about managing to drag her gaze from the man and make eye contact with the witch again.
There was a rustling from the treetops surrounding them. "We'd better defend ourselves" the witch suggested.
The five of them stood facing out and upwards into the trees forming a pentagram. Snow White covered in ice and frost, Rapunzel's hair twisted into numerous writhing tentacles, Scarlet a vicious snarling werefox, Tim radiating intense heat and wielding his enormous red-hot axe, and me, shadowed in my hat and cloak, glowing ribbons of spells forming between my fingers.
Those flying monkeys wouldn't stand a chance!