This is the story of my (the Host) first . . . Ah. Perhaps I'll just list the ingredients and you, dear readers, can mix them together as you see fit, to create a wonderful concoction to delight and amuse both yourselves and us.
Whosoever whisks up a finished product that turns out to be nearest the truth, shall win a prize. I may also award a small prize for the most creative/amusing - don't make me say sordid - entry, too (I haven't decided what the prizes are going to be yet, but don't get your hopes up for a yacht or anything!)
And so...
Ingredients:
1 mint imperial
1 wooden settee/sofa arm
1 doorbell
1 negligent mother
First, pre-heat the timeframe to 1976. Some of the fabrics may burn your retinas, so be sure to wear goggles or some other form of eye protection. Ensure your stirring apparatus is well greased, then you may begin!
Well greased stirring apparatus?
ReplyDeleteYou filthy cunt!
Yay! First!
I have a pair of giant knickers you can give away as a prize.
ReplyDeleteIf she can get them off.
ReplyDeletePromise me we won't risk winning the freaking green elf shorts and I may work my greased stirring apparatus
ReplyDelete*bunches up the giant knickers and stuffs them down SID's throat*
ReplyDeleteAre you trying to make me set fire to my house?
ReplyDeleteDamn you!
By the way, my WV on that last comment was 'yaknw' which is an anagram of 'wanky'.
ReplyDeleteI think it means WV hates you.
ReplyDeleteOh yes the compo,I forgot..now let me see...
ReplyDeleteAs a child,your negligent mother gave you a mint imperial to suck on while she answered the doorbell.
When she returned she found you blue as you were choking on it,so she threw you over the wooden arm and smacked you,thus dislodging said mint imperial.
The trauma remains.
What's my prize?
P&T: It must be well greased. After all, one wouldn't want it to become stuck!
ReplyDeleteMJ: Thanks, but as I said, just having The 'Shorts in my house is knicker-enough.
SID: I have a shoe horn and there's probably a little bit of Boy Butter™ left stuck to the lid of the tub that might assist MJ?
Cyberpete: It's a promise!
MJ: However long did it take you to bunch them up?
Tim, Tim, Tim: Yes. It is, isn't it. Or had it seen the stains inside those giant knickers?
SID: Ooh. I knew there was something I meant to do while in the city today.
* scrabbles around looking for a suitable prize *
I'd say the giant knickers were a suitable prize for SID but they'd be shredded in no time as he tried to ease his enormous arse into them.
ReplyDeleteCan you believe he actually fit into The Shorts at one time? Is it no wonder the waistband is stretched?
what's a mint imperial?
ReplyDeleteheh. greased.
Dinah: Mint imperials were round white mints popular back in the Victorian era when SID was a wee lad.
ReplyDeleteAnd when MJ became a pensioner.
ReplyDelete