Thursday, 9 August 2007

A Tale of One Settee

As you may remember, I left you with some ingredients that you had to blend into a tale of truth and, quite possibly, titilation, that accurately portrayed my first... Scar.

The ingredients were as follows:

1 mint imperial
1 wooden settee/sofa arm
1 doorbell
1 negligent mother

And the winner by default (as he was the only one who left a recipe), is SID! You were right, MJ, he is good. Here is his offering:

As a child,your negligent mother gave you a mint imperial to suck on while she answered the doorbell.

When she returned she found you blue as you were choking on it,so she threw you over the wooden arm and smacked you,thus dislodging said mint imperial.

The trauma remains.

The actual story goes like this:

The Mother was overseeing my play in the living room, like some cruel governess. Whilst doing so, she was sucking on her favourite sweet of the time: Mint Imperials.
Just then, the doorbell rang. The Mother jumped to her feet and left the room, neglecting her two year old son. Having observed The Mother popping the intriguing spherical white things in her mouth, I copied her, wolfing down the hard, minty things, until... One of them lodged in my throat!
A couple of minutes later, The Mother returned to find me blue in the face, lying prone against the settee, my face covered in blood. It seems I'd choked, passed out and clonked my head on the wooden arm of the settee as I fell.
I was held upside down by my feet and pounded on my back until the imperial became dislodged and flew out of my mouth, thus reviving me. Of course, I screamed blue murder once I came around.
To this day, I have a prominent scar just below my left eyebrow. I'm lucky to still have my eye!

As you can see, SID was very close with his entry.

What's my prize? he asked.

Now that I don't know, yet. I haven't found anything suitable - A packet of Mint Imperials, maybe? Email me your address SID and I'll surprise you with something!


  1. Yes, SID is good. But when he's bad, he's better.

    Show up on SID's doorstep wearing The Shorts. And with a reality film crew in tow.

    I bet a minty imperial isn't the only thing you've had lodged in your throat.

  2. You're right. I once had tuppence down there. Not at the same time, mind.

    I gave change, too.

    * picks up phone and dials Anglia TV *

  3. and the story of why you don't eat mint imperials?

  4. That explains your obsession with eyebrows. At least I think it does.

  5. Anonymous10/8/07 11:59

    The Mother was overseeing my play in the living room

    Pretentious git even at two then

  6. SID: don't give him your address, he'll just post himself to you.

    Although they do tend to blow up suspect packages these days...

  7. How inspiring and such a sense of achievement too!

    To win the compo that only one cunt entered.

    Still, I'm a winner unlike the rest of them useless unimaginative bunch of cunts.

    Email on way


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