Monday, 25 June 2007

Lawks! Someone's trying to kill me!

I found this on the patio this morning:

It must have landed during the night. Whoever dropped it obviously wasn't a very good aim as it landed on my neighbour's side. Or, possibly, their aim is even worse, because it may have been meant for number 50, four doors up, because it's got No.50 chalked on the roof.

And here it is trying to sneak up on me out of the undergrowth when I got home from work. As you can see, it's not very good at blending in...

Anyway, who would want to kill lil' ol' me?

MJ? For my ladylike walk, with my legs together, through which no daylight can be seen? Something you can only dream of?

Tazzy & Piggy? For my horizontal-stripe-wearing prowess?

Timothy? For that 'accidental' encounter on your windowsill the other night? I swear, I thought it was Monday, one of the court-agreed-upon stalking window cleaning days. Not Tuesday, your Nude Day...

Or was it you, Toby? Even though it may look like I've been eFlirting, I promise you that it must be Blogger paying up - You're the only one for me!
Unless Connor becomes available, of course.

Shut up. Shuuuuut-upp!

Quiet you two!

Now. Where was I? Oh, yes... I don't want you all thinking those vile white plastic chairs and that detestable red-brick barbecue are mine. No. They are the neighbour's. This is my garden*...

* Now fairy free due to Nuffy's weekly extermination sweeps.


  1. Anonymous26/6/07 00:59

    Yay! First!

    What the fuck is that mess? Is it supposed to be a garden?

    Anyway (!) why don't you daub the words 'Police Box' on the side of that thing, get drunk and pretend it's a cheapo-brand Tardis?

  2. Is that similar to the shed your parents forced you to build at their place? Would we have seen striped legs with ruby slippers sticking out if it had landed on you?

  3. So that flying dream last night wasn't a dream. Bugger. Pls fwd dunny c/- Spike, Woy Woy, Stralya.

    Nice triffid collection BTW.

  4. I wondered what that banging at the window was. Not on Nudesday! BAD IDV! *slap!*

    Nice plastic chairs. I think your bush needs a trim though.

  5. My garden is a cliff with a garage at the bottom.

  6. P&T: It's a jungle garden, you philistines.

    Anyway (hee), I daren't create a cheapo-brand TARDIS in case a cheapo-Brand Billie Piper pops out!

    Snooze: It's like a mini-version of The Parent's his'n'hers sheds. And yes, there may have been a ruby-encrusted stilletto or two peeking out from underneath it had whoever dropped it - Spike? - been a better aim.

    Why thank you, Spike. They aren't half demanding, but they do keep the civvies at bay!

    Tim: * hangs head in shame *

    Tickers: I can imagine you rappelling down the cliff-face of a morning before leaving in your car for work. Bit inconvenient, though, isn't it?

  7. If I had a garden it would look something like that too.

    Good job those plastic chairs aren't yours.

  8. They're ghastlier than a thousand ghouls, aren't they Cyberpete?

  9. Your bush needs trimming etc.

    Hmmm.. I'm sure there are more innuendos...

    Man walks into a pub and asks the barman for an innuendo.

    So the barman gave him one.

    Like the new design!

  10. Thank you, Skillz!

    Where is this bar??

  11. That's nooooo's a fucking jungle!

    A bit like a Tardis regarding space too.

    I like it.

  12. They sure are.

    I am allergic to white plastic like that.

    Scary stuff that is

  13. I leave the car out the front where it's safe. Lord Chav of Speed Hump Land and his badly mannered minions rule the ground below.

  14. Who's your gardener?

    Ohhh, and remind me to do something about those mouldy, white, plastic chairs that somehow managed to make it on to my patio.

  15. Just imagine what Frobisher could do with that.

  16. Anonymous28/6/07 23:05

    Do you live in the Amazon??

  17. It's very Wizard of Oz down your way, isn't it?

    And I've said it before, and I'll say it again... ooohh eeerr! Nice foliage Mr IDV!

  18. Anonymous29/6/07 13:28

    Have there been any lost hick females wandering out of this newly arrived shack? If so, I would advise a high-speed retreat.

  19. SID: Just as long as that twat Captain Jack doesn't come leaping out, I don't mind.

    Cyberpete: It's just to harsh, isn't it. It doesn't blend...

    Tickers: At least you can drop things on them when you have a moment of boredom.

    As for Frobi - I daren't let him come 'round lest I end up with a garedn full of smoking stumps!

    Pissoff: Ideally, either Sven or Matt...

    Mutley: Only two weeks out of the year.

    T-Bird: Isn't it. Although it can be a bugger at times as the Munchkins keep getting under everyone's feet...

    Qenny: Hopefully, we put that little cow right off, here.

  20. Oops. Spelling went right to pot in a couple of places there!

  21. The reason no light gets through your legs is because they're stuck together from all your extra curricular activities.


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