Monday, June 04, 2007

I've won! I've won! I've won!

Somehow, I have become the new 'handler' of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. Ick! I think MJ, the previous handler/fondler picked me on purpose. She knows that my delicate sensibilities would be averse to The Shorts very presence. Why, even the thought of them being in the same country gives me the dry heaves! Of course, she could also have picked me as the winner because pretty much all my captions were made at her expense...

Nevertheless, once The Shorts are within my rubber-gloved grasp, I shall endeavour to - and I'm really holding back the chunks here - model them for those Bloggers itching (and you will be, once you've got them on, I've no doubt) to feel their polyester perfection caressing their skin.

Now. A special mention must go to SID, for it was at his Blog that inspiration struck and enabled me to come up with the winning caption. I must also thank MJ profusely, albeit grudgingly, for the pictures, and, more importantly, the Definitive History Of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. I'm so glad she took the time and effort to research and publish the history, because there's absolutely no way I'd ever be bothered to!

More on The Shorts when I receive them.


  1. That's one festive pair of shorts there! Are those little bells on the fringes there, too?

  2. Ha ha ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa, you're going to look super-awesome in those… HA HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHA!!!!!!

    That's a little sarcasm there…

    What's the chances you'll pop those on and Jamie Bamber will walk round the corner and catch you. Certainly one way to start a conversation.

  3. That's hilarious!

    So you don't have a an elf fetish?

    A bizarre polyester and bells thing?

    Or maybe it's the fact that these shorts probably have more stains than the loo in Hampstead Heath?

  4. *looks up book of feed lines*

    "Are you a goblin?"

  5. I'm sending them to you unwashed so you can fully appreciate the Goddess that is MJ.

    Thrill to the knowledge that The Shorts have rubbed up against the private bits of both SID and MJ. Think of that as you caress them and marvel at the wonder of it all.

    Allow me to keep them for a few more days so that I may infuse them more deeply with my Goddess goodness.

  6. Oh dear. Warn me before you post pics of the shorts.

  7. Yahay! You have the shorts. Now you can work on an all over tan, except for the short-covered area, so you can be nicely toned except for your naughty bits.

  8. "red and green should never been seen" - you've been warned

  9. Tara: You know? I think they are. I'll be sure to check them out when I receive them.

    Tim: It might just be worth it!!

    Cyberpete: I think most of the polyester has dissolved only to be replaced by mutagenic slime from the previous holders.

    I'm looking forward to adding my contribution!

    Tickers: No, I was just eating a yogurt.

    MJ: Eeeeeeek!! Girl germs! Girl germs! I'll be in cootie central!

    * hyperventilates *

    Snooze: Will do! I'm trying to get a tan so as not to blind anyone should there be any bare skin showing.

    Qenny: I'm looking forward to my legs looking like giant crackers! That lovely zig-zag around the thighs will be this summers New Thing I'm sure!

    Frobi: Does this mean I'll have to resort to spray tan to cover my burned flesh?

  10. Anonymous5/6/07 18:43


    Mine's the biggest stain.

    Now if MJ would get her skates on she would have them to you for Midsummers Night.

    Only you need now is a donkey!

    *looks towards April Pissoff*

    Well done IVD!


  11. *wonders if Broom will be featured in the photo shoot*

    *deposits yet another stain*

  12. By the way, when you say "more on the shorts when I receive them" what exactly do you mean?

    Filty tart.

  13. Ok, so I can only imagine what you have planned for these shorts.

    Just don't stain em...and all will be well.

    Congrats on winning them!

    I am quite sure MJ left a big ol' hot pink lipstick mark on the innards of the thing.

  14. Just be careful when you sniff them, as I'm pretty sure I wore them to bed back to front one night.

    Come to think of it, that may have been the night I had that strangely arousing dream!

    My advice, don't sniff them at all. Especially after they've been chafing against MJ's ladybits for three months.

  15. Stains SID... did you say stains? Well, have you forgotten the mess Donkey and I left in them?

    Ohhhh congratulations, you'll have so much fun.

  16. Everyone since my last comment: I've had to do a post rather than reply to you all individually!

    P.S. Hi Steve & Pissoff. I've seen you here before, haven't I, Awaiting?