Friday, March 09, 2007

Lifesaving OCD

Now, after a... um... friend of mine - yes, that's it, a friend of mine - visits the wc, he - or she - always flushes then puts the lid down immediately, to stop anything unsavoury from leaping out mid the flush. Once the water has stopped its rushing, splashing and sloshing, he - or she, remember - lifts the lid and has a quick peek to make sure nothing remains but water.

Nothing has remained until now.

Only a few minutes ago, he - or she - tells me, a Visit/Flush/Slam occurred. Hands were washed and dried, the door unlocked and the bathroom was almost vacated before the Lift was remembered.

And thank goodness it was remembered. As, lurking menacingly in the settling water, was what can only be described in polite company as an undesirable excretion. The horror of such a sight almost caused a loss of consciousness. Luckily, a fan was on his - or her - person so copious amounts of fannage wafted fresh, reviving air to his - or her - nostrils, staving off unconsciousness.

With this frightful experience indelibly etched in his - or her - memory, the Lift at the end of the manoeuver will never be forgotten again.

God forbid anyone else should happen upon such a monster!

17 comments:

  1. *snigger!*

    (seriously, that's all I have to say!)

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  2. Sounds awful... I hope your "friend" wasn't traumatised...

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  3. So what was the 'undesirable excretion' then?

    It was spunk, wasn't it?

    Or that library book that you forgot to return in 1972?

    I knew it.

    Dirty cunt.

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  4. Ah, I'm back. Quite horrid, it was!

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  5. Nothing like leaving a big smelly turd in the bog for the amusement of others.


    Did Piggy visit you?

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  6. Tim: I would smirk back, but I'm still kind of traumatised.

    I mean, my friend is still traumatised. Thanks for the reminder, Jingo.

    Piggy: Yes it was spunk.

    * rolls eyes *

    A great big, toilet clogging, glop of spunk.

    * tuts *

    1972?! How VERY dare you!

    The Fifth Floor: Wheeeeeee! You are back! You're my favourite floor - much better than third and fourth. Especially fourth because it's got that horrid long corridor and the funny smell...

    I'm sorry you came back in time for this particular post. I'll do better next time, I promise.

    T-Bird: Sorry...

    SID: Where do you think I got my inspiration from?

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  7. *sprays copious amounts of room freshener*

    Have you considered changing your name to 'The Bog Blog'?

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  8. Only when Piggy's here, MJ.

    And is that Magnolia & Cherry Blossom?

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  9. Are we going to get follow-on updates? Regularity, consistency, tapeworm content etc?

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  10. What about the Bristol Stool Scale?

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  11. What's your obsession with the Bristol Stool Scale, bitch?

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  12. I think this must have telported to the beasts windcreen!

    http://beastbite.blogspot.com/2007/03/better-out-than-in.html

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  13. Oh dear. Only copious amounts of alcohol can help to forget.

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  14. Piggy, if you'd have kept the BSS on your blog as I requested, I wouldn't be over here begging IVF to post it on his.

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  15. I never close my lid. Now, I don't know whether this is the right thing to do, or a grave error.

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  16. 'bout time you did a poo post.

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