Monday, 3 May 2021

Bank Holiday Blues* II

* Contents and colour may vary.
Check colour swatches - don't trust the Host's colour-blind eyes.

 Another Bank Holiday befalls us Brits, so what better way to use up some of the 'Yay-I'm-not-at-work!' time than to have a quick wander around the countryside?

 At first glance, it may seem like this is a re-post/copy of this Bank Holiday post from 2017, but I can assure you that all these photos are new, and came from this morning's walk along Smallhopes Hill to Northrepps and home again.  (I'd intended to take new photos of 2017's BH subject matter, but either couldn't find all the plants, or forgot/couldn't be bothered/replaced them with deer...)

Primroses on Smallhopes Hill

Doe!  A deer!

Here she is in close-up

And here's another one from a little further on in Northrepps

Northrepps and Southrepps churches taken from near Brittaline deTarfth's house

Knight of the unliving head

Greater stitchwort (Rabelera holostea, previously Stellaria holostea , thank you Jon, the Official Plant-Spotter of Hexenhäusli Device and its Extensive Witchdom)

This is a terrible photograph, but I'm using it because it includes the escaped Lamium and Green Alkanet (Pentaglossis sempervivens) from 2017's post

Someone's abode?


 Let's have some music to finish off with, shall we?  I chose this little ditty - "Dangerous Cow" from the Smack the Pony girls - because I found it here while searching for previous Bank Holiday posts.  And they're wearing blue.  Enjoy!

[Just in case the video doesn't start in the right place, "Dangerous Cow" starts at 4:13]
I've been to every corner of the planet,
I'm like a drug and they really should ban it.
I'm just a dangerous cow, there is no doubt,
I'm toxic and bad tempered, so just don't ask me out.
So, listen, Captain if you wanna ride,
I've got an awful lot of horrid stuff inside.
I'm just a dangerous cow and that's for certain,
So if you're smart, cabin boy, you'll keep your shirt on.
You don't wanna know me, I've got too much baggage
I've got an ex-boyfriend locked up in my garage.
I'm a bit dodgy, I lie like a monkey,
I'm a bit whoo-hah, turn nasty when drunky.
I've got some baggage on board you can't handle,
I'm mental and bored, I'm a scandal.
I'm just like a drug and they really should ban it,
And there's nothing worse than me on the planet.
Put me through an X-ray machine, I am heartless,
A picture of what's nasty in me, but I'm artless.
There's nothing you can do to impress if you adore me,
I've seen it all, couldn't care less, you'll abhor me.
So you'd better beware, I swear I don't care,
You'll despair, you'll tear, lose more than your hair.
Come on board, I'll guarantee catastrophy,
I'll see you doomed on the rocks, you won't last with me.
You're swimming with a shark who's lost her sanity,
You'd better listen up 'cause I'm the queen of vanity.
Come any closer boy and I will skewer you,
And if you wriggle in my rocks, I'll make a stew of you.
You don't wanna know me, I'm not a nice lady,
Grim and bad-tempered, my past it is shady.
I've done some bad shit, sent salt through the post,
My mind is a cess pit and I'll wee on your toast.
You don't wanna know me, I'm not a nice person,
I'm pretty bad now, and I'll only worsen.
I'm a bit spiteful and tough as asbestos,
And if you find me, it'll be your loss.


  1. Lovely photos, as always - love the deer with the contouring makeup on! But who is "Brittaline deTarfth"? I found a previous blog post of yours that says "I'll tell you about her another time", but nothing further.

    Is she the "Dangerous Cow" in the song? Jx

    1. Well, Brittaline can be a dangerous cow, but I don't think she'd go as far as weeing on someone's toast as her knees aren't what they once were so squatting over a toast rack is out. Hopefully, anyway...

  2. Hope you enjoying the day!

    If I was there, I'd love to share some wine, cheese and some Ferrero Rocher on a blanket in the first photo. I noticed, even your deer look different then ours. They look plump and the head seems more, oblonG and pointy?

    And what's the story with the Knight of the unliving head? Is that just randomly sitting there? Or was there an estate at one point? Now here in New Hope, things like that do randomly sit in odd places, for no apparent reasons.

    1. It was rather chilly to be lolling around on a blanket, Maddie. We'd have to do something physical to keep warm!

      Technically, that type of deer is from China - they escaped from a zoo or park or something about a hundred years ago and are now naturalised throughout much of England. Our native deer - Roe and Red - are larger and more deer-like.

      As for the Knight, I think it's just a rando. Someone probably subscribed to a giant stone chess set partwork magazine because the first issue (with the Knight) was only £2.50, then gave up after finding out that issue 2's normal retail price was £900!

    2. There are many ways to keep warm...lets just make sure the Ferrero Rocher don't melt though.

    3. Oh, yes. I wouldn't like those bits of hazelnut to get caught in any nooks and crannies...

  3. How did you have a moment without rain over the bank holiday? I love that Northrepps and Southrepps are so close together and the entire population couldn't muster a congregation to fill those churches. I trust they look on each other as foreign and are always daggers drawn.

    1. I know! A dry morning on a British Bank Holiday - what is the world coming to?! It may please you to know, however, that it absolutely pissed* it down after lunch.

      Northrepps and Southrepps might as well be the North and South poles for all the mixing they do.

    2. Oops! Forgot the *

      * that's for you, Melanie!

  4. I saw a set of five deer at the prairie on Friday. One was very upset I was there. He would bob his head, pound the ground with his hoof and snort. I was not having it. A shoo of the hand and away he would run, the little coward. Plenty of room there to share, and I posed no threat. The other four didn't mind. Thanks for sharing. Kizzes.

    1. What a little snot. I bet he got laughed at by the others!

  5. Yee-haw! And who are these women writing songs about my life? Rude! There are some British words I can't take with a straight face even if they're being yelled at me "... I'll wee on your toast." What? You only got a spritz in ya'? It's "piss", piss a stream unless you're a dribbler.

    Ahem, At any rate nice flowers! Except the Archangel lamium and sempervivens, more of my nemesis here trying to take over the natives. Honestly, the colonization around here never really ends. Weird looking deer. I didn't even the British Isles had different kind of deer! Fascinating! I learned something new today! So this is a "Reeves's muntjac?" Brought to you by another random English Bloke who thought they'd bring something exotic home and oops, it escaped! I'm to stout to even feign surprise.

    1. Oh, no, Melanie, "piss" is far too coarse (it's what the likes of Ditchwater Sal would say) - unless it's used in relation to the rain (see my reply to Hound above). A "wee" can be a veritable torrent!

      I see you've done your homework regarding the muntjac - I should have referred Maddie here for that part of my reply. Yes, there are six types of deer in the British Isles (Red, Roe, Fallow, Sika, Muntjac, and Chinese water deer), but we only tend to get the roe, muntjac and water deer around this neck of the woods.

      Oh, and thank you for the Lamium identification - 'Archangel'.

    2. My imagination took off at the idea of a "water deer" and now a new story idea will probably make its way onto a slip of paper. The real animal is cute and rather odd-looking like a koala-faced deer...with fangs. The more I learn the more I want to come visit the UK. I know my father's family came from "the Lakes District" Northumbria but I couldn't narrow it down any farther then that.

    3. The Lake District is lovely, although rather short on amphibious deer...

  6. I'm with Jon ...who/what was Brittaline de Tarfth? And that giant chess piece...if that's a knight the queen must be huge. Come on, sir, we need more detail!
    Nice bluebells. I'll give you that.

    1. Brittaline deTarfth is witch of vague acquaintance. She's a bit stuck up (more than me!) and a busybody to boot. I've only met her once or twice as we tend to avoid each other (I once almost bumped into her 100 feet up - I was on Broom heading home, and she'd just launched herself on her elderly Electrolux Model 30).

      Perhaps the queen disguised herself as Happisburgh Lighthouse?

  7. Yeah, I wanna know more about the giant chess pieces too!
    Always fun to catch up with Smack the Pony!

    1. I love Smack the Pony. I can't bear all the ads on the Channel 4 on demand thingy, so resort to YouTube clips (with almost as many ads, but at least I can skip them. Mostly).

      I'm going to have to scrabble around in the undergrowth looking for more chess pieces, aren't I?!?


  8. Bluebell woods, Primroses and stitchwort, pure joy.

    The 'Smack the Pony girls' are new to me, not exactly the 'Beverly Sisters' are they !

    1. No, they're not quite. Although, I'd like to see/hear the Beverley Sisters pull off a song like this, though!


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