Rectangular, and wrapped (somewhat sloppily, it has to be said) in brown paper, the package was unadorned with postage stamps, a name or address. Instead, in thin black ink scratched across the lower right corner was inscribed: "To, The Witch". There were no other markings except for a couple of greasy finger and thumb prints, one of which had a rime of some yellowing creamy substance (I'm hoping it was only cream) edged with a dark red - almost black - sticky material (some sort of jam, maybe?).
Anyway, I reluctantly brought it inside and put it with three unopened envelopes, assuming it too was intended to be opened on Sunday.
This morning dawned, like many, many others before it and, after a cup of coffee and a jelly baby or twelve, I opened the package. These are the items that were inside:
This had a big yellow sticker on it stating "For Solicitation Only - Cover Not Final!" - I peeled it off. |
Who would do such a thing? Who would send me copies of that spiteful, plagiarising, foul-mouthed cow's contemptible books?? I have to find out.
But not now as A Write Panic has begun and I need to think up a continuing story!
SWEET MARY SUNSHINE!! you do get the most fascinating mail, but forget about that for now! Write your continuing story for A Write panic!! Thanks for reminding me to go over and read! xoxo
ReplyDeleteI shall write something very soon - well, before the week's out, I hope (as I'm on holiday from work and should have plenty of time once the garden's done and I've finished my pixmit cards). And thanks for the encouragement ;)
DeleteI didn't send it...I swear.
ReplyDeleteIt's OK, I believe you - I had the creamy substance checked and it did, in fact, turn out to just be cream.
DeleteAh, yes - a surfeit of Delelah Smythe's gastronomic evil! Hope you "de-virused" the whole package with a good squirt of Dettol... Jx
ReplyDeleteThey're still marinating in Dettol as I type!
DeleteTypical of that moo to make out a photo-shopped roly-poly is a classic gateaux! I should sue her if I were you.(It does look rather yummy though...0
ReplyDeleteDelilah's been sued so many times that she's now immune!
Deletein thin black ink Well I hope you don't think it was me!!! I only use the very best black ink!!
ReplyDeleteI am liking the gateaux too....
Anyhow, yes, A Write Panic has launched!!! And we're off!!!
Sx
Never once did it cross my mind that the package was from you, Ms Scarlet - there wasn't a curlicue or flourish in sight! (And it really was VERY cheap ink)
DeleteTime flies.
ReplyDeleteAll the best IDV.
Far too quickly, Mago, but it must mean that we are having fun!
DeleteAnd, thank you!
Forgive me for letting your birthday go by. There are baked goods, over at mine.
ReplyDeleteNo forgiveness necessary, Very Mistress. I am no longer celebrating being 37 and a bit (more)... ;)
DeleteOMG. I am such a crap friend. After you wrote me a glorious birthday post I totally forget yours.
DeleteTut. I feel like I should be sent to the tartan room in the Infomaniac Manor for at least 3 weeks, isolated, with nothing to do other than gaze at the tartan. Apologies.
SXXX
Don't worry, Ms Scarlet. If it helps, all but four of my friends are also crap. It's not as if anything else is going on in the world which could take up all their thoughts, is it.
DeleteIs it?
Oh, and no need to spend 3 weeks in the Tartan Room - 2 will be sufficient. And then another 2 in the Polka DOt Room! Mwah hah hah hah haaaa!
Happy belated birthday. I have suggestions for revenge if you don't mind giving me Delilah's details?
ReplyDeleteI would if I could. Delilah is a slippery bitch - I thought she was still in the future after that Blue Food fiasco, but it seems she's made her way back to the 21st century.
DeleteI wonder if she's lurking in her old, secret island lair?
YAY!!!! Happy Birthday!!!!!
ReplyDeleteSXXXXXXX
Thank you!
DeleteI still haven't come up with a continuing story for Iris, Douglas and Annie, though...
Yikes! Was it yesterday or is it today? Happy Birthday no matter when it was, sugarpie! You're the best! xoxoxoxo
ReplyDeleteThank you, Savvy (it was on Sunday)
Delete