It's been somewhat damp here in Overstrand lately, and as I hadn't been up to the allotment for a week or so, I thought I'd better pay it a visit in case the moistness had encouraged weeds to proliferate.
In hindsight, I should have checked my crystal ball first...
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| Where once was a path to the allotment, now existed a swathe of giant greenery |
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| Unable to find my bearings, I resorted to climbing one of the thick, girthy, green shafts in the hope that a bit of height would help |
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| At the top was an enormous, swollen protuberance looking fit to burst. I didn't dare touch it lest it go off! |
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| From my vantage point at the pulsating head of the mighty pillar, I spied the allotments. And something else... |
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| ... Triffids! |
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| Realising I was teetering atop a towering Triffid, with four more of its colossal comrades heading my way... |
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| ... I slid down its trunk and escaped before getting a face-full of thick, slimy ejecta! |
Bugger.
Had not for the pictures, I wonder be left wondering are we talking about a day of gardening or a night at the stud ranch.
ReplyDeleteOr at the Casa du Borghese...
DeleteI'm with Mistress Maddie, although at first I was going to ask when you were going to give up the day job to grow Mary Jane. That said, your ability at making *everything* sound like an innuendo may suggest a change of day job anyway. You could certainly write scripts for Nigella!
ReplyDeleteThere's no fear of giving up my day job for that as I can't abide the smell! And that much innuendo is hard work. I don't think I could keep it up. Eroswings, on the other hand, is an expert in such matters...
DeleteNot sure I'd like any ejecta from one of those "Triffids" - Giant Hogweeds (for that is what they are), according to the RHS: "can cause photodermatitis or photosensitivity, where the skin becomes very sensitive to sunlight and may suffer blistering, pigmentation and long-lasting scars". Hope you washed your hands! Jx
ReplyDeleteWell, yes, they do appear to be Giant Hogweed, don't they. But that's only because photos taken by Camera on (and over) the Cusp only show what's occupying the space in this world. Poor Camera can't cope with more than one dimension.
DeleteWell, there you are-Jon has beaten me to it. I just hope you weren't wearing shorts when you climbed that brute.
ReplyDeleteI remember seeing a couple of small kids playing "sword fights" with hogweed stems on Guernsey.Mummy was stuffing cream scones in her face, quite oblivious...
Oh, dear. I bet Mummy's holiday was ruined after that - too busy tending to her horribly scarred children.
DeleteApologies for my lateness, but Dinah's old lady is obscuring my view of your post when I view on my iPad. I am now on my laptop, and feel I ought to offer you a tube of pink ointment for any ill effects caused by this rash close encounter.
ReplyDeleteSx
And I must apologise for my very late response, too. Thankfully, your ointment has cleared up the old lady a treat!
DeleteBotanical erotica.
ReplyDeleteAlmost.
DeleteI just googled "botanical erotica" out of curiosity, and happened upon the act of 'figging'. From Pleasure Mechanics: "Figging is inserting a piece of peeled ginger root in an orifice – most often the anus- to create a burning sensation." The article ends with the advice: "Throw away the ginger after play – don’t return it to the kitchen!"
p.s. Nice new header.
ReplyDelete"New"?!? It's been there since the end of April. However, I shall forgive you this time as you've been "away". And, thanks.
DeleteTriffid bukkake?
ReplyDeleteLuckily I had a towel with me.
DeleteNice! Very exotic, alien looking plants. It's amazing what can swell up to enormous proportions out of the bushes.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had such a surprise in the undergrowth for years!
DeleteI take it that you'll be off doing some bushwhacking.
ReplyDeleteWhy do you think I had that towel?
Delete