Friday, April 03, 2015

Not the Hats of Barbara Cartland


 Inspired by Mistress Maddie's most recent post, I thought I'd give a little teaser of my upcoming book post.

Click to inflate to Earl's Court proportions


 My favourite of Dame Barbara's hats has to be Cows Bowel: "Horrid intestinal excrescence aborted by Christian Barnard, and climaxed with lashings of Dream Topping. (Buyer to collect)*"

 Runners up include Pilchard: "Informal bonnet de boudoir et cache-pyjamas in reversible vinyl", and Vol-au-Vent Quatro Stagine: "In choux pastry with glacé shrimps by Mr West of Fraserborough". Vol-au-Vent reminds me of Audrey's understated little number over at Mistress Maddie's...


* "Incidentally, will Mr R. Norris of Liverpool who ordered last year's model 'Yaks Colostomy' please contact us urgently."

12 comments:

  1. Have you got anything suitable for members of the Fanny Club.... something elegant, sophisticated, and preferably absorbent?
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  2. Do you suppose that Bird's Dream Topping® would go well with Peeps®?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, I do have one remaining Fillet de Tampon -A poly-cotton blend mille feuille layered with Cadbury's Smash and expanding foam, lavishly adorned with newt eggs and hundreds-and-thousands.
    It comes with a guarantee to stay dry no matter how much blue ink one pours over it.

    Just remember to duck when going through doorways...

    ReplyDelete
  4. Ooh, LX! You startled me. I was so busy concocting my reply to Ms Scarlet that I didn't notice you come in.

    I'd be careful not to leave the Peeps soaking in the Dream Topping for too long - DT can be quite acidic.

    ReplyDelete
  5. My distracting charms and spells are legendary.
    Please can I have some dream topping on my Fillet de tampon.
    Sx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Doy you know, Ms Scarlet? I'm fresh out. How about some Angel Delight instead? You can choose your favourite flavour.

    ReplyDelete
  7. if it doesn't have a veil, i don't put it on.
    and yes, that is a threat.

    ReplyDelete
  8. I might have just the hat for you, Norma: Coy Car Park, by Issey Miyake. Miyake designed this hat for the Japanese launch of Dame Barbara's novel Imperial Splendour in 1979. It's a post-modern little number constructed from Twiglets and Polyfilla, with a bias-cut veil of drag net-strength mosquito netting. (Traffic light and Ford Sierra are optional extras)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Can one really have too many chapeaus???? And the bigger the better I say!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  10. How about Bollarde di Trafficone, Mistress Maddie?
    A unique item of head gear from Barbara's private collection, kindly donated by the Percy Shaw studio. This exquisite chapeau is made of Quink-soaked asphalt, decorated with Cheddar 'night sky' motifs, and topped with a glacé cherry.

    Neck strengthening exercises are recommended before donning this triumph of giant hattery.

    ReplyDelete
  11. what & mess my hair? no way.

    ReplyDelete