Friday 3 April 2015

Not the Hats of Barbara Cartland


 Inspired by Mistress Maddie's most recent post, I thought I'd give a little teaser of my upcoming book post.

Click to inflate to Earl's Court proportions


 My favourite of Dame Barbara's hats has to be Cows Bowel: "Horrid intestinal excrescence aborted by Christian Barnard, and climaxed with lashings of Dream Topping. (Buyer to collect)*"

 Runners up include Pilchard: "Informal bonnet de boudoir et cache-pyjamas in reversible vinyl", and Vol-au-Vent Quatro Stagine: "In choux pastry with glacé shrimps by Mr West of Fraserborough". Vol-au-Vent reminds me of Audrey's understated little number over at Mistress Maddie's...


* "Incidentally, will Mr R. Norris of Liverpool who ordered last year's model 'Yaks Colostomy' please contact us urgently."

12 comments:

  1. Have you got anything suitable for members of the Fanny Club.... something elegant, sophisticated, and preferably absorbent?
    Sx

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  2. Do you suppose that Bird's Dream Topping® would go well with Peeps®?

    ReplyDelete
  3. Well, I do have one remaining Fillet de Tampon -A poly-cotton blend mille feuille layered with Cadbury's Smash and expanding foam, lavishly adorned with newt eggs and hundreds-and-thousands.
    It comes with a guarantee to stay dry no matter how much blue ink one pours over it.

    Just remember to duck when going through doorways...

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  4. Ooh, LX! You startled me. I was so busy concocting my reply to Ms Scarlet that I didn't notice you come in.

    I'd be careful not to leave the Peeps soaking in the Dream Topping for too long - DT can be quite acidic.

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  5. My distracting charms and spells are legendary.
    Please can I have some dream topping on my Fillet de tampon.
    Sx

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  6. Doy you know, Ms Scarlet? I'm fresh out. How about some Angel Delight instead? You can choose your favourite flavour.

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  7. if it doesn't have a veil, i don't put it on.
    and yes, that is a threat.

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  8. I might have just the hat for you, Norma: Coy Car Park, by Issey Miyake. Miyake designed this hat for the Japanese launch of Dame Barbara's novel Imperial Splendour in 1979. It's a post-modern little number constructed from Twiglets and Polyfilla, with a bias-cut veil of drag net-strength mosquito netting. (Traffic light and Ford Sierra are optional extras)

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  9. Can one really have too many chapeaus???? And the bigger the better I say!!!!

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  10. How about Bollarde di Trafficone, Mistress Maddie?
    A unique item of head gear from Barbara's private collection, kindly donated by the Percy Shaw studio. This exquisite chapeau is made of Quink-soaked asphalt, decorated with Cheddar 'night sky' motifs, and topped with a glacé cherry.

    Neck strengthening exercises are recommended before donning this triumph of giant hattery.

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Tickle my fancy, why don't you?