Sunday, 12 May 2013

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition

Here it is! The moment you've all been waiting for. And unlike last time, you won't need sunglasses as I've taken steps to tone down the glare from the Host's legs, thanks to a gift from Miss Scarlet.

Behold... The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

Get your thinking caps on and get those captions rolling.

Good luck!

EDIT 19.05.2013 07:40 - Your time is nearly up. The competition is only open until midday today, Sunday 19th May. If you have a devastatingly cutting or witty comment/caption for the above photo, now's the time to leave it.  I SAID NOW!

P.S. For the rules etc, see the previous post.


  1. Oh my!
    Will be back later with a proper caption!

  2. ...oh... is that an enormous drill you're holding or are you just pleased to see me...?

  3. [not an entry]

    Great pix!

  4. First one that popped into mind:

    "Inexplicable Device in a holiday version of 'Scarface'"

    More as they come to me. And just so we're clear: I do have a blog or two (;

  5. "Sacre Bleu! Est si difficile de trouver une bonne aide pendant les vacances!" (It's so hard to find good help during the holidays!")

  6. Santa wasn't sure he bought Frenchy Elf's story that he was merely installing a shower caddy as a surprise for Mrs. Claus.

  7. September 22, 2007: Marcel pulls back his shower curtain, only to hear, "So, we meet again, Monsieur Marceau. Only this time, the advantage is decidedly mine! Bwahahaha!"

  8. In desperation, the mime attempts to drill air holes in the box in which he has become trapped.

  9. A modest proposal: remove the warning labels and eliminate the mime problem.

  10. This comment has been removed by the author.

  11. This is no way to remove unsightly leg stubble!

  12. Dr De Vice opens his new Dental Clinic.

    "Let me thrill you while I drill you"

  13. [not an entry]

    The return of the “used and broken pink loofah/body mop/nylon netting shower pom pom on a string thingamie!”

  14. A smashing photot Mr DeVice! Althougth I was picturing a hot tub scenario! but I was close enough. Loving those gams also I may add.

    Jesus, Joseph and RuPaul, we aint in Kansas anymore?

  15. Anonymous12/5/13 12:36

    "When the cap doesn't move:
    Power device - and the white stuff squirts!"

    [Nice legs!]

  16. "While constructing an elfin glory hole... Mr DeVICE demonstrates his New Tool"

  17. My caption:

    "IVD has always had a thing for shorter men, which is practically everyone as he himself is quite tall, however his desire to meet and bed David Sedaris took him to extraordinary lengths and fancy dress though he was disappointed that the author of the Santaland Diaries failed to see the innuendo in the fan picture he sent. Alas, IVD was never able to fulfill his desire to drill the best selling author."

  18. What a brilliant start! Thank you everyone for your efforts so far.
    I already have a favourite, but I'm not going to tell you whose it is.
    And the only clue you'll get is that it's been left by someone who has yet to feel the unpleasant polyester fibres against their skin!

  19. " I should have just paid that Vietnamese girl for the pedi; I'll be here till NEXT summer!"

  20. Lift that right leg a little higher, darlin', and show us what other tools you're packin'!

  21. His regular vibrator broken, IDV's bath time fun is cut tragically short because he didn't use a cordless substitute.

  22. [not an entry]

    I know I'll regret asking but are you wearing anything under those Shorts?

  23. [not an entry]

    you cannot believe the volume
    i get with this new blow dryer!

  24. A studio shot from Joan Crawford's screen test for Trog.

  25. Miss Scarlet: Pleased!

    LX: THanks.

    Rimpy: Two blogs? Then you're definitely in the running.

    Princess: Open wide and say Arrrrrrrgggghhhh!!!

    MJ: That pink loofah/body mop/nylon netting shower pom pom on a string thingamie will be getting it's own blog, next!

    The Very Mistress Maddie: Why, thank you. I knew I should have been a drag queen when I gre up!

    Mago: Ta!

    Riley: Not the master?

    Cookie: A caption not a comment? Then you really did want to play!

    IDV: Get on with it!

    BlazingScarlet: Don't fret. These vile polyester monstrosities will be out of Castle DeVice asap!

    MJ: A lady never tells.

    Norma: Gives me a splitting headache, though.

  26. Hahahaha I LOVE that this competition is still going and that it gets more and more creative every time!

    Long Live TFGES!!!

  27. Ah, the Elf Shorts Queen herself!

    * bows (after all, Witches never curtsey) *

    Thank you for coming. If you leave a caption, MJ will give you a free Houseboy!

  28. "I made these stockings all by myself... See... I can show you now that the scabs have finally healed"

  29. IDV hates grubby grout more than Tom Ballard. (only English and Anglophile couch potatoes will get this one)

  30. [not an entry]

    You have been blessed by a visit from Andrea Knapp: The Queen of the Elf Shorts.

    Without her original idea, there would be no Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition.

    All hail Andrea!

  31. [not an entry]

    You put the "ho" in hosiery.

  32. Dickery, dickery, dare,
    taut leg is in the air.
    A man in brown
    Soon went downtown
    to grope my new hardware.

  33. "The only things that really worried me were the shorts. There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a man in the depths of a polyester binge."

    Hunter Elf Thompson
    Fear and Loathing in the Loo

  34. [not an entry]

    Don't slip in the tub with the drill.

    It'll take ages to get the stains out.

  35. Being a long-time fan of Ruth Wallis, I've started sing her "Drill em all" classic
    " He's got the biggest rig..."

  36. [not a caption]

    Oh good lord. I'm never visiting the internet again.

  37. Mr DeVice simply cannot understand why the DIY chanel have rejected his program pitch For Do It With DeVice yet again

  38. Oh dear gawd, it lives.

    Beast, that is.

    Good golly, there's Tim

  39. ***winks at Miss MJ ***

  40. Beast is giving me the brown eyed wink!

  41. OMG! You own power tools?

  42. The outfit could have done with a pair of pink pleather platform pumps though, but lovely entry.

    Ps. Love the tiles.

  43. Will wonders never cease?

    Even Petra got his finger unstuck!

  44. You know me, MJ. Fashionably late as always

  45. More great captions & comments from Norma, Princess, Rimpy & MJ.

    Speaking of whom: Hail Andrea!

    Hayward: Well, the docks are downtown...

    Roses: Are you sure that's not a caption?

    Dinahmow: Great name!

    Everyone stop! Tim's won!

    * rubs hands together in barely contained lust- I mean glee *

    BEAST: You realise that if you win you've got to actually hold the compo, don't you?

    MJ: Look awa- Oh. Too late.

    'Petra: Well, I'm a very handy man...

  46. I hope that cable has been earthed properly.

  47. Anonymous16/5/13 16:19

    The drill is on?

  48. Handy or handsy potato potato

  49. Surprised with power drill in hand, Green Elf, "shouted go away I'm filming a safety video!"

    I love it when the first time at a blog I find a post this interesting and green. Great comments. BTW, Scarlet Blue left a link to here.

  50. Inexplicable DeVice was setting the last screw for the lighting rig for his FGES bathroom photo-shoot when his left leg came into contact with the bath tub spigot. The fish net stocking was not enough to insulate his shapely gam, and the power drill went to ground via IDV and the plumbing.

    In the fraction of a second before his brain short-circuited, his entire life flashed before his mind's eye with the most amazing clarity, including times from before conscious memory. He saw himself as a muck-smeared but adorable new-born Inexplicable. His misspent teen DeVice years were all presented to him for his review in explicit and humiliating detail. Then came his young adulthood, now cut tragically short by faulty wiring.

    As the electricity coursing through his body reached its maximum amperage, the wireless remote control (tucked neatly in the waistband of the Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts) tripped the shutter of the digital camera, which was sitting at the ready on its tripod, creating the image we see before us.

    Before his last brain cell winked out for all eternity, IDV saw the face of the Creator and heard the words which issued from his holy lips, and his soul yearned to pass these pearls of wisdom on to those he was leaving behind.

    When his horror-stricken friends found him the next day, they discovered that despite the convulsions of electrocution which were racking his body (or perhaps because of them), IDV had managed to scrawl out a message on the tiles with the tip of the drill bit. They gazed in grief and confusion at the mysterious missive, which read simply…

    “Rimpy wins”.

  51. Gadjo Dilo: The other end is in a potted orchid, so hopefully there's enough earth for safety? Although, Rimpy seems to think not...

    Mago: Well, how else am I supposed to degrout the bathroom?

    'Petra: Or even potahto?

    bill: Ah, glad I could oblige, and thanks for following Miss Scarlet's directions.

    Rimpy: I could've sworn this was a caption compo, not a story telling session?

    Everyone: Well, there's only just over 1.5 days left to go before I can package up the detestable 'Shorts and send them to their new owner.
    But just who will that be?
    The frontrunners so far are (and in no particular order): Riley, Princess, Rimpy Rimplestiltskin, Hayward, Miss Scarlet, Cookie & Tim.
    There's still plenty of time to upset the applecart and nab them for yourself, so get to it!

  52. "I liked it better when they dropped the house on you"...


  53. ♬♪•*¨*•.¸¸♫¸.•*¨*••*♫
    "On the sidewalk, one Sunday mornin'
    Lies a body oozin' life
    Someone's sneaking 'round the corner
    Could that someone, perhaps, perchance, be Bill the Drill?"

    Bill the Drill... gives a new meaning to coloscopy!

  54. Damn! I forgot to suscribe to follow-up comments and to do so I've got to post another comment!

  55. **Suddenly, Kewpie realized where he was...**

  56. "It's IDV's second cumming"...

  57. "Home improvement never looked so good! Or"

    Love you, love your gams, love your power drill (which I presume you hear frequently!)

  58. "The worlds tallest elf and proud owner of far too many hair care products, captured here as he experiences a homoerotic semantics conundrum."

    P. O. Box 2257
    Sumas, WA, United States

    *tapping foot impatiently*

  59. Well?

    *joins Ms. Nations in impatient foot-tapping and finger drumming, waiting for announcement of the winner*

  60. Right. Time's up!

    * packages up 'Shorts for Ms Nations- *

    Wait a minute...

  61. That's not how you spell it.

    By the way; bend over and pick up the soap, would you Santa?

  62. It's the stripes, isn't it?


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?