It's almost the moment you've been waiting for. In just a few short days, I shall be hosting:
The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition
You've all been waiting very patiently, so I shall be getting this out of the way pretty quickly. After all, I've already had the misfortune to have those things upon my person once before.
The competition will be open for one week only, then these wretched 'Shorts will be removed from my sight and sent, post haste, to the
Before we get to the compo itself, there are a few rules & regulations that you may need to know.
These rules and regulations are brought to you in association with that Infomaniac, MJ.*
“What do I have to do to win The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts?” you ask. Take a long, hard look at the photo of IDV (that's me) wearing The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts that will be posted here on Sunday, 12th May. Create a caption. Post your caption in the comments section. I’ll choose my favourite caption and post the winner’s name on, or just after, Sunday 19th May.
“May I enter more than once?” Enter as many captions as you wish, as often as you like.
“What happens if I win?” If you’re chosen as the lucky winner, I’ll send The 'Shorts to you. If you’re in another country, I’ll also send you a souvenir of my county & country; Norfolk, England, along with The 'Shorts. Bonus! Then it’s your turn to take a photograph of yourself wearing The 'Shorts and post it on your blog.
“I don’t have a blog or a website. Can I still enter?” No. You’re shite out of luck. Set yourself up with a blog because if you win, you must post a pic of yourself wearing The 'Shorts. We all want to see you make a fool of yourself like the previous winners have all done.
“If I send you my credit card number and access to my bank account, will you declare me the winner?” Bribery will not be tolerated. So far I have received bribes involving unlimited supplies of Boy Butter™, unlifelong membership of one of the most exclusive clubs in the Underworld, a gingerbread cottage and offers of sexual favours. Grovelling and begging is looked upon favourably but will not win you The 'Shorts.
“How long do I have to enter?” The competition closes at midday GMT on Sunday, May 19th. The winner will be announced by Monday, May 20th at whatever time I get around to it.
“What if I don’t want to win The 'Shorts but I want to tell you how stupid you look in The 'Shorts?” If you don’t want to win The 'Shorts you can still leave a comment. Just be sure to let me know it’s a comment and not a caption.
“Are those stains removable?” No amount of scrubbing will remove the stains. And why would you want to?
“Will you wash The 'Shorts before you send them to me?” Again, why would you want me to?
“I’m new here. What’s this all about?” If you’re wondering what this competition is all about, read The Definitive History of The Freakin’ Green Elf Shorts at MJ the Infomaniac's.
You may also like to peruse the map of their travels, as seen below:
Good luck, my pretties!
Ooh, before I go, here's that preview image:
REMINDER: Submit your captions by midday Greenwich Mean Time on Sunday, 19th May.
* Because I'm too damn lazy to do my own. Plus, MJ's are quite serviceable.