Sunday, 1 April 2007

Damn and blast

Car has thwarted me again!

I was all set for a trip to Sainsbury's so I could fill the cupboards, stock up on wine (25% off, don't you know) and stalk the goodlooking unwary. And if their Bitch Wives/Girlfriends™ just happened to accidently fall in the freezers, so be it.

However, it was not to be.

Car wouldn't start.

Oh, it made a couple of halfhearted attempts at turning over, but ultimately Car remained stationary and pouting.


To make matters worse, I'd just been reading the Auto Express Driver Power Survey results with a smug feeling because, despite other Alfa 156 owners wailing and gnashing of teeth over their beautiful and stylish cars propensity to be rife with electrical gremlins**, Car had, so far, bucked that trend and been nothing but reliable (almost), despite being nearly four and a half years old.

That'll teach me to tempt Fate. Bloody cow has had it in for me ever since I beat her at dominoes.

I should have seen this coming. Actually, I did see this coming but the 'I'll do it tomorrow' gene kept kicking in. For the last week or so, Car hasn't started with it's usual vigour, so I knew something wasn't quite right. And I didn't get it checked out after this humiliating incident.

I guess there's no one else to blame? Well. Bugger that. I'm going to blame everyone else anyway. Just see if I don't! And Car's going to get the thrashing of its life/existence too, if I can find a big enough branch...

If Car doesn't start soon, I'm going to have to -

* fannage *

resort to walking to pikey Morrisons down the road, or -

* more fannage *

obtaining some sort of public transportation to get to and from Sainsbury's.

* swoon *

* thud *


* Thanks for this, T-Bird.
** I presume these must be some sort of silicon based life form?


  1. Anonymous1/4/07 15:24

    Wow, I'm first on two blogs today - my lucky day!

    Car is indeed misbehaving. I am not very happy with my own, as it seems sometime in the last year my Car's value has dropped to half of what I expected. Damned things.

    But she is 13 years old, a very good vintage, and runs like a new one...

    Eh, what can you do - can't live without 'em, can't live with 'em.

    Keep flailing.

  2. Can't you attach a sidecar to Broom?

  3. Cars.Bastards.Expensive.Unreliable.

    Make your own sentence.

  4. Damn Car! Damn Car to hell!! Tell it to stop pouting and do what it should do!!!

    The thought of Morrisons is making me feel a little queasy. I bought some food in there once; everything looked like it had been sat on.

  5. Anonymous1/4/07 19:17

    I've known all along that Ca was a pile of shite.

    But would you listen?

    Time to scrap it, methinks.

    Nay! Crush it!

    Then send out paint flakes as prizes in a compo or something.

    Or eBay them! Yes, there's an idea.

  6. Fifthy: I'm on the third branch already!

    MJ: I tried that once but couldn't get used to the leaning when going around corners. Consequeyntely, I ended up dumping a sack of horse manure (for the garden) all over Knight when he was sunbathing in his garden.
    He still doesn't know it was me - Oops! I hope he doesn't read this...

    SID: I see I'm not the only one having car trouble.

    Tim: Oog. I know. And judging by some of the 'people' who shop in Morrisons, there's no way I'd actually eat any of their produce. Blech!

    Piggy: Ah, you're just jealous because all you've got is that crappy Scenic.

    * wonders just how poisonous paint flakes would be before declaring Piggy The Winner *

  7. Did you try turning it off then on again?

    Or taking it apart, blowing the dust off and putting it back together?

    Did you try changing the fuse?

    If none of those work then I'm all out of ideas.

  8. I even pressed Ctrl Alt Delete, Skillz.

    But then I got thirsty so I pressed Tab...

  9. Anonymous1/4/07 23:23

    Thirsty... Tab. Oh how witty.

    Do they still make that shite? The fucking shite Coca-Cola come out with, sometimes.

    Like Cherry Coke.

    'Special Edition Black Cherry' Coke was fucking delish though. i was addicted to it. Then they withdrew it (what with it being limited edition and all that) and I had to endure cold turkey for fucking ages.

    The cunts.

  10. I'm horrified (and delighted, in a laughing linguistic way) at the description of you shopping for food that has been sat on.


  11. Last year my car's engine kept dying inexplicably--it would just die as if the Saucer People had cut the power on me. Later the mechanic would start it again no problem. Nothing could be found wrong with it.

    Grr! Annoying! Time for a new car.

    When I went to trade the old car in, the car dealer was surprised that I wasn't sentimental to see it go (I'd had it for ten years). Hah! Not bloody likely! :)

    Well, anyway, hope your car stops misbehaving. It can ruin your day.

  12. Maybe its time to get a new one?

    Maybe even something that isnt Italian?

    I hear the German ones are quite reliable.

    Hope it starts today, nobody needs that kind of problem on a Monday morning.

  13. Piggy: Cherry Coke is the only Coca-Cola product I'll drink. And even then, only about twice a year - I'd like to keep my teeth into old age.

    Dinah: Luckily, I managed to get a lift with a friend who also shops in Sainsbury's. Otherwise it would have been flat food for me tonight from Morrisons.

    Spider Girl: Hello, and welcome! No, it didn't start. I'm just about to phone the garage for some advice...

    Cyberpete: I couldn't get rid of Car - if it doesn't work, I'll keep it as a piece of art.
    As for a replacement car: for reliability I'd get Japanese. Never a German car as they're too expensive, boring and common!

  14. True..

    I like the VW Beetle though.

  15. Anonymous2/4/07 19:05

    A piece of art?


  16. Cyberpete: I hope you mean the original?

    Piggy: Oh, Pfffffft off.

  17. Oh the shame, I didn´t.

    +bows head in shame+

  18. First labouring in your parents' garden, now potentially facing public transportation? I mean, public transportation is fine for the likes of me, but you my darling are meant for luxury. It's about time a distinguished man showed up with a chauffeur and a bottle of champagne for you.

  19. Cyberpete: Oh the shame indeed. Keep bowing that head.

    Snooze: I know! What must a man/witch do?!

  20. There really only is one reply I can to car's recent lack of carring...


  21. Anonymous3/4/07 15:01

    *deflates useless Car's tyres in readiness for the scrap yard*

    *then keys a nice big and very deep scratch from front to back*

  22. Anonymous3/4/07 20:15


  23. Brrrroooooom brooooooom. honk honk!!
    Hic, honk, verrrrroooooooom verrrrooooooom. hic. fart.

    My cars 18 years old and goes like stinky poo. hic.

  24. Hello! I found you through Sparky Malarkey! So wait...25% off wine?? And your car wouldn't start? In times like that, you have every right to blame someone else on the car problems. It's too painful to lecture yourself. When my car rebels, I usually silently blame the mechanics who worked on it last time. They should've noticed the other problems. Hehe. I hope your car recovers soon.

  25. By the way..Who the hell mowed your lawn?

    Bloody Amateurs!

  26. Is car working yet? Or are you in the process of Tracy Emin'n it up?

    Piggy's key marks will be very post-modern, I'm sure.

  27. my Daihatsu starts every time! shame I have to wear a balaclava when I drive it tho'

  28. Update on car going like stinky poo. Driving home from work today it hesitated lost power and blew so much smoke out the back I could see nothing else. I'm talking impenitrable curtain of smoke, like you see when engines 'blow' in motor racing.
    Still drove home OK but I didn't push my luck. I'll be taking the scootery nerd mobile to work tonight.


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