Thursday 25 March 2010

Tin Foil Hat Gallery

Ah, good day, and welcome to the gala opening of this neo-constructionist collection of international chapeaux de tin foil.

Or hastily thrown together crap, in other words.
Actually, some of them look like they went to a lot of effort.
Really? Which ones?
Oi! Shush, you two!

* Ahem * What was I saying? Oh, yes: I would like to present to you, the blogging public, this exclusive collection of objets d'art from the world over:

First, we have Princess, modellin- Oh. It looks like she was too busy voguing for the camera to pose properly for whichever houseboy was tasked with capturing her iconic Patsy Stone-esque image. Perhaps we'll move on and come back to her later.

This is more like it. Two examples of metallic hattery by Eroswings, complete with the artist's own tales of inspiration along with the hat's technical specifications:

Here's the first one: The tin foil hat wings

This hat was inspired by the winged god Hermes, who a few hours after being born, snuck out of his crib and went to cause mischief to the other gods, before sneaking back in and pretending to be asleep while his mother slept, none the wiser to his antics. This tin foil hat will empower me to sneak out and do mischievous things without the authorities (parental or gov't) knowing what's going on! And it will also repel any alien weapons, transporter, and tractor technologies.
If the aliens want to probe, they're going to have to do it the old fashioned way: using lots of alcohol and paying for dinner!

The second hat was the most difficult to create, as it took all of the tin foil in my home to complete! I call it: The tin foil hat London Olympics!

The Olympic rings on the hat broadcasts a signal that starts on the day of the opening ceremony, causing mothers within 100 yards to stop asking children to do chores when the Olympics are on! And the torch bearer will send out a signal during live events to ensure that people watching the games will be provided with snacks! The Big Ben clock tower will shield wearer's true thoughts, by radiating a continuous signal that makes scanners see only happy Olympic thoughts, freeing the wearer to plot and move about freely!

The next exhibit is by that Canadian glamourpuss Mistress MJ:

Mistress MJ’s Prizewinning Tinfoil Hat

Rather than act as a repellent, Mistress MJ’s Prizewinning Tinfoil Hat has magnetic properties.

That’s right. This hat actually attracts! And not just unwanted attention.

Wearing the hat is guaranteed to improve your mojo.

If you are a woman, it will lure men from across the sea (hence the symbolism of the blue band) to Canada (hence the Canadian flag symbolism) to your “flower” or “pussy” (see use of both symbols).

If you are a heterosexual man, it will attract pussy.

If you are a big ole flaming homosexual (like Inexplicable DeVice) it will signal that you are indeed a big ole flaming homosexual and your back door is open for business.

Really that’s all you need to know.

Grand, isn’t it?

This towering example of aluminium high fashion was fabricated by the a queen of Denmark: CyberPetra!

Against better judgment I hereby submit my attempt at a tinfoil hat. It's been done in a bit of a rush so my concept of 70s disco didn't really come through as flattering as it should have.

It looks like the poor model is suffering from the dry, chapped skin associated with scurvy - Perhaps he'd better eat himself?
Aha! It appears that Princess is now ready for her photo-op:

And as the Empress is starting to regain her powers, I have had to start wearing my tin hat again, just so she does not know what I am up to while surfing and blogging. She repeatedly asks "What Princess do on that funny TV all time"?.
I usually respond with "Nothing Mother just checking my Emails"
"Humph, Why you not just use Quill and Parchment like Empress Dowager? Send
Houseboy with letter!"
To which I reply "It is called technology Mother "Dial up" just stop your friends from ringing you while I am on line as they keep bumping me off" hence the upgrade and being off air for a little while:0!
I shall wish myself luck but unfortunately may not be able to vote as planned. Will let you know when I am back on air again.
End of Transmission.
Much Luv Princess

The final example of this avant garde collection has been very kindly loaned from the Salle de Bain exhibit down at the Loo Louvre, with compliments from the artist: xl

Unfortunately, xl didn't have time to attach a set of specifications, or a tale of inspiration, as he's already hard at work on his next piece, which I believe to be a rubber duck in a baking parchment sou wester!
But just look at this masterpiece - Soooooooooo cute!


Now that we have come to the end of the gallery exhibit, please show your appreciation by voting for the chapeau that you'd like to win.
I shall be tabulating your votes at the weekend and announcing the winner on Monday 29th March.
For those of you who didn't make find time *cough*BEAST,Tim,Snooze,amongstothers*cough* to create a metallic masterpiece, you may still submit your entries up until midnight on Sunday, but you'll only be eligible for an "also ran" credit. Unless, Tim, you make good your promise to "pose in my tinfoil hat wearing only a tie like one of Pete's book covers
", then you'll get an extra special prize...

Oh, I'll be modelling my tin foil hat, too.

P.S. Thank you for the birthday wishes!


  1. Excellent! Can I vote for myself?

    Obviously my hat is perfection and kicks MJs hats arse into next month.

  2. Interesting works of art. Did Scarlet not participate?

  3. Holy Jeebus, Eros' Olympic hat is AMAZING!

    Kudos, sir, KUDOS.

  4. Thanks, Tim! It was blast constructing those hats!

    Wow! Check out the competition! Clearly some very talented people here!

    MJ went all out with the colors and shapes and designs! I would love to have that hat with its mojo powers! Dammit! I knew I should've kept that birthday candle as the Olympic torch, but the dang thing kept dripping wax on my face--OUCH!--and on the carpet!

    Wow, CP! That's some really high foil action! How did you get that tall part to stand up so still? The crown is so shiny and smooth! Ha! You even drew a face on that melon. Excellent!

    Princess's amazing creation has a disco ball! Now that's fantastic! And the shape is so interesting. Princess even got dressed up for the competition!

    I see XL went with an Easter bunny inspired creation! He sure is playing up that cute angle! Great use of color, mixing the pink bunny with the silver foil.

    So many fantastic choices. I need some time to decide my vote. I'll be sure to cast it before the poll closes!

    Excellent contributions, everyone!

  5. Mistress MJ is a sentimental favorite, but she looks too stoned.

    I am voting for Eros' winged hat!

  6. There is obviously a shortage of tinfoil at Chez Infomaniac!
    The Dear Mistress has tried to disguise this apparent pausity in provsions, by adding any old thing that was laying around to her cunny... I mean canny creation!
    Well done MJ under such difficult circumstances.

    Pete, your creation is divine, and sooo high! How does it travel in strong winds?

    Mr Xl I love that you have gone with a cute Easter theme, your bunny ears are adoreable!

    As for my creations... Ho Hum...
    I figurest that the mirror ball would increase the reflective powers and play havoc with mind reading and telepatic probing of both Empresses and Aliens...

    But Mr Eros....
    May I commend you and bestow upon you...

    The "Princess' Royal Seal of Disapproval and Jealousy"

    You clever, crafty and very tallented "Fellow Bitch"

    My vote goes to Mr Eros..
    Your Hommage DE Olympique is stupendous... BRAVO!!!

  7. Mistress MJ hadn’t expected such competition and is (almost) humbled by the creations on display.

    Except for CyberPete’s half-arsed attempt. I’m sure he’ll blame the MANFLU but it looks like he was on drugs when he went to work on that thing. He was obviously tripping on something!

    Kudos to Princess for being the only bitch to display her actual face instead of a melon or melon substitute. Love the Studio 54 feel to the piece. Best viewed with Donna Summer turned up to eleven and a handful of poppers.

    XL gets points with his kindergarten project. I can’t wait to see what he can do with macaroni and Elmer’s glue. Seriously, it scores big on the Cute-O-Metre.

    My final vote goes to the artistry of Eroswings and his Olympic vision. I think Eros’ design should replace the current London 2012 logo, don’t you?

    Well done, everyone. Except Petra.

  8. I don't think I've been here before. How do!

    The Eros hat looks amazing who doesn't want to be pulled by winged horses with all sorts of cherubims and seraphims kicking up a fuss with bugles and trumpets to announce her arrival.

  9. Introductions are in order.

    Mitzi, IVD.

    IVD, Mitzi.

    Mitzi, you should be aware before you proceed any further that IVD has quite a warty wand.

  10. "How do!"?

    * reels in horror *

    The last person I heard say "How do" was Tazzy. You're not from 'Oop north' are you, Mitzi?

    Anyway, thank you for stopping by. So lovely to see you. And thank you for voting, too.

    I suppose I'd better thank you too, MJ, for the introduction.
    Although, my 'condition' cleared up AGES ago, so there's no need keep scaring people off with that vile picture.
    Besides, it was never as bad as all that - A little sandpaper and polish and my wand was as good as new!

  11. Oh blimey, they are all Fab... I really could not compete.
    I tried to make out that Petra was sick over my entry[?] at the Infomaniac party, but this isn't true. I'm just very lazy. But what a brilliant competition...
    Mr Swings'sss London Olympic hat... well... it could replace London... and I'd wear MJ's.
    All brilliant.

  12. Aye, I am lad. Perhaps IVD be kind enough to perform some ringcraft for me, using his warty wand, as you can see I have a slight problem down there.

  13. Miss Scarlet: Thank you.

    Mitzi: IVD has had every social disease going. He used to be a main fixture down at the docks and was wildly popular with the sailors so you can imagine the beating his poor front bottom has taken.

    CyberPete: I've just sat on and crushed your tin foil hat. Oopsy!

  14. Well I've narrowed my choices down to MJ's colorful, festive creation and Princess's disco party bling. And I'm voting for Princess, because Princess got all dressed up and took that hat to another level!

  15. ...and somebody is just a bitter old slag

  16. Lawks, Mitzi! That's no 'slight' problem. More like a blight.

    'Petra & MJ: Girls, girls! Come now, 'Petra, get those pills down your neck, and fast!

  17. Oh Bugger , due to the last few weeks Cafe C commitments , I have even missed the second deadline . If I actually get monday evening to meself I will try and make something then :-(

  18. Don't worry Beast, I've missed it too. We're such renegades!

  19. I can not deceide whether I would like to see the Hermes cap or the Princess hat declared winner.


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?