Monday, October 02, 2006

Wooomph!

Lawks! There go my eyebrows.

- - -

I've been feeling a little under the weather lately (and not because I couldn't get the broom above the cloud layer), so have taken to having long, hot baths in an attempt to soothe my Man Flu™ symptoms. There's nothing nicer than laying in a hot bath with a good book (Wicked - thank you Dinah), a cup of coffee or glass of wine, pen & paper for those elusive Blog post ideas or shopping list items, mobile phone and a couple of scented candles flickering away gently.

Last night, I was just getting settled, slowly lowering myself into the practically boiling water a centimetre at a time to avoid scalding shock while reaching for the box of matches to light the candles. My toes brushed against the plug chain momentarily startling me. I slipped a couple of centimetres, flailing my arms to keep from submerging. My left elbow connected with the matchbox, swiping it into the bath.

By the time I'd fished it out, the matches were soaked. Utterly useless. How was I going to light my blackcurrant & mint candles now?

Unfortunately, the virus I'd caught had affected my memory - It was definitely the virus and not the three large glasses of wine I'd already had before getting in - I couldn't remember the simplest of ignition spells. A fireball was out of my mnemonic grasp. I toyed with the idea of Hesprat's Incomparable Conflagration Hex but rejected it. Last time I used it half a village was barbecued. And not very well at that. The villagers were charred and blackened on the outside but still bloody and raw in the middle. Totally inedible.

The only thing left in my depleted memory was Arcrite's Summon The Phoenix. Oh well. It'd have to do. Making the necessary hand movements and mouthing the appropriate words, I completed the manoeuver. The phoenix started to materialise on the edge of the bath right where the bottles of body wash and bath foam were!

I hurridly grabbed the bottles with my wet hands as the bird solidified. Unfortunately, I gripped the body wash too firmly and it slipped out of my grasp, shooting upwards. I watched in slowmotion, open mouthed horror as the bottle connected with the phoenix's head, knocking it for six.

It exploded into a raging inferno right in front of me!

- - -

So, not only do I have no eyebrows left, but I also have a phoenix egg slowly burning a hole in my bath mat.






Bugger.

7 comments:

  1. IDV, yet again you have sucked me right into your world. Really, I enjoy your writing so very much!

    PS What on earth with you do with the phoenix egg? Can a witch scramble it for breakfast?

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  2. Well perhaps that egg may hatch...and your candles will get lit after all.

    Well, it could happen???!!!

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  3. *hands IDV an eyebrow pencil and a packet of waterproof matches*

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  4. Miss T: I detest any form of egg unless it's disguised in cake form. Egg is slimy. Bleeeuch!

    D&T: The last thing I need is a phoenix hopping around the house setting light to all and sundry. They're a bit like cats in that they can't be trained...

    MJ: * accepts gracefully *

    Tickers: Yes! That's the exact noise it made when the body wash clocked it one!

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  5. Sit on the egg and hatch it!

    Then the baby Phoenix will think of you as its Mum and will follow you around (like ducklings and chicks do)

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  6. But I'll get a burnt bum, Frobi!

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