Tuesday, March 01, 2016

Not The 2016 Infomaniac Book Challenge


 This is Not The 2016 Infomaniac Book Challenge in the same way as this is Not The Hats of Barbara Cartland.
 In the presentation post for the challenge (as linked to above), The Very Mistress MJ declares that: "Reading enriches us, stimulates our imaginations, reduces stress, improves our vocabulary, and increases our intelligence". However, I'm not quite sure that reading the following examples of literature from over the Cusp will achieve those goals...


α : Marmalised Marmalades, by Delilah Smythe

 TV chef, football hooligan, and bane of housewives everywhere; Delilah Smythe shares her favourite short-cut recipes for breakfast preserves in this classic edition of her best selling cook book. 
 With no shortage of exploding oranges and TNTed tangerines, Delilah's no-nonsense recipes can be completed in seconds, leaving you with the rest of the afternoon free to wallow in front of the TV clutching a bottle of cooking sherry while a legion of tradesmen rebuild your kitchen.




β : Dreamy in Speedos, from wwwWOW!

 I found myself with nothing to do while waiting for a cake to bake, and ended up flicking through last summer's special from w-w-w-WOW! magazine.
 Well, I say "flicking through" but, somewhat mysteriously, some of the pages were inexplicably stuck together. Particularly the ones in which the mag's main cover story appeared. Quite how the slightly blurry, but revealing photos of a practically naked Tim from Sparky Malarkey ended up this way, I don't know?
 Perhaps you accidently spilt batter on them?
 Perhaps... Anyway, amongst the articles featured on the cover, the mag takes a look back to the influences of 2008's top ten chart classic Dreamy in Speedos.


γ : Ten Little Houseboys, by Anaglypta Christie

 Another tired and lazy rehash of a murder-mystery well past its sell-by date in the 243rd Houseboy novel from Infomaniac Publishing.
 This updated reprint—the 96th, in fact (who keeps buying these?)—has been lavishly cheaply illustrated with photos of anatomically correct plastic action figures in a variety of lewd and suggestive poses, in an attempt to introduce it to a wider, even less discerning audience.
 I don't know who the publisher is trying to kid... 


δ : The Boy Who Came Stars, by Jad Bowring
 

 I'm not usually one for fiction as I leave all that clap-trap to the Host, but this novella was recommended by my cousin Svaathor da Vjis, so I thought I'd give it a go while the Host was arguing with the SubCs.
 From the back cover:

 A retired incubus and his witch boyfriend discover that their mortal neighbour's seventeen year old son is not the lazy wastrel that he appears to be: The
unfathomably arrogant young man is prophesised to sire a legion of new gods who will then bring about the end of the pantheon of old!
  Should the eldritch couple encourage and guide the boy-on-the-cusp-of-manhood to fulfil his destiny, or do they side with the gods—some of whom are their friends and relatives—and thwart the hormone-driven urges of the teenage deliquent?
 Surburbia's sexual tension has never been so dangerous! 


 I must say, it's a little close to real life for my liking. Except for the sauce. And the neighbour being seventeen. I'm sure he was eighteen...



ε : I Am A Starfleet Octonaut -
    Confessions from the Starship Aquaria,
    by Dr. G. F. Shellington

 It's amazing what people get up to once they've been cooped up in a small starship for weeks on end! This gossip rag masquerading as a psychological journal brings to light the unusual and downright bizarre goings on from one of the Federation Starfleet's science vesselsthe USS Aquariaduring a classified mission near the Anchar Sector in the year 2365.
 The ship's marine biologist and part-time psychologist, Doctor Shellington, published this study detailing the private lives of the forty seven-strong crew, including his own "theraputic roleplay" dressing up as an Octonaut from an ancient childrens educational TV show!

 As this study comes with a rather plain, dry coverunlike those of the other pieces of literature shown hereI've taken the liberty of furnishing this post with a candid image of Dr Shellington caught in the act of changing out of his Starfleet uniform and into his barely-there Octonaut get-up.  

 While I'm not averse to a man in uniform, sometimes the uniform can be unnecessary...

 Not bad for a doctor and scientist, eh?   



 ~


 Right, then! If your brains haven't turned into custard from perusing these "tomes", I suggest you head over to The Very Mistress's to find out what real people have really been reading. Really!

 P.S. I would link to The Mistress's 1st of March post, but it's not there yet as MJland is in the UK's past. I'll do it later. Oh, and I'll visit your blogs later, too, as I'm off to work now.

 P.P.S. It's now 14:00 and The Very Mistress MJ has published the aforementioned post, so I have linked to it here and just above. 
   

42 comments:

  1. "Speedos" sent me running in the other direction.I've seen far too much of our former Prime Minister's shiny reds, thank you.

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    1. That's too bad - This issue is all about Tim! (Although, I think the previous Summer Special featured your flesh-baring, budgie-smuggling ex-PM?)

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  2. Ah yes, Infomaniac Publishing House, didn't they bring a very informative history of under garments once ? Marmalised Marmalades sounds promising, I only have Wilson's the Book of Marmalade somewhere.

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    1. I do seem to remember a chapter on the Bigness of Beast's Pants, now that you mention it, Mago...

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  3. BBC America aired the first episode of Delilah Smythe's new cooking show last Sunday. This could be bigger than Bake Off!

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    1. Vincent Price- I mean, Mary Berry had better watch out!

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  4. Intrigued by exploding oranges and the promise of an afternoon free to wallow in front of the TV clutching a bottle of cooking sherry while a legion of tradesmen rebuild my kitchen, I actually just Googled “Marmalised Marmalades, by Delilah Smythe” before reading the entire post.

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    1. Ha!

      I also Googled it and was presented with the most ridiculous name ever: Ramjam Delilah Funkyboogaloo-Smythe!

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    2. No mention of marmalade, though. Marmalised or otherwise.

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  5. i'm only interested in thick cut marmalization.

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    1. Then perhaps Dr Shellington can help you out?

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  6. Did you not read anything with pictures of Aidan Turner in it???? Sigh.
    Sx

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    1. Sadly not, but I have recently watched Poldark: Phwwwwwooooaaarrrrr! (sorry, Tim)

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    2. Drooooool.
      It's filmed not far from me...
      Can we have a pic of Aidan Turner wearing nothing but a towel on your sidebar? I will live here then.... I find that picture so inspiring.
      Sx

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    3. Ooh, I'll see what I can do.

      Once I'd seen sweaty, shirtless Aidan using his massive tool to cut down meadow grass (and flowers) in Poldark, I completely understood your comment back in 2015's Coven Awards!

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    4. *GASP*
      Christ... I wish he was following me...
      Thank you!!!!

      Sx

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    5. Consider it an early birthday gift!

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    6. Ha ha!!! Oh dear.... My Birthday..... but best present ever!!
      Sx

      P.S I really need to redo the Infomaniac Bitch sign.

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    7. I think the current one is lovely. But, if you do redo it, perhaps one or two gold embellishments may be in order?

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  7. Shit! How on earth (and the other realms) did those pictures leak out?

    I was young and needed the money!

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    1. And what did you spend the money on?

      ::crosses fingers for more Speedos::

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  8. Which one is Tim? I seem to have gone blind. I'm glad Delilah has stopped trying to sell herself as a pious Catholic and is sticking to what she knows.

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    1. Open your third eye, you silly witch! Tim's above you!

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    2. And now below me! And what of the other pictures from this shoot? I've gone through all my copies of Physique Pictorial and can't find them...

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    3. Well, Tim's cover shot from Dreamy in Speedos is an exclusive to w-w-w-WOW!, so I don't believe they've been released for use in Physique Pictorial. Yet.

      I would have illustrated this post with the other photos of Tim, but that batter ruined them, sadly.

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  9. I didn't buy more speedos, but if we get a long hot summer this year I might.

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    1. ::begins preparation for a weather spell::

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  10. i've been baking cakes, cleaning house, trying not to comment on the MITM's conference calls, and reading! the list is over at MJ's. xoxoox

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    1. Busy, busy, busy!

      I'm glad The Very Mistress MJ allowed cookbooks otherwise Delilah Smythe's Marmalised Marmalades wouldn't have made the list here.

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  11. What an assortment of reading material you've presented here! I fear that before it will even consider mailing these, the post office will insist that the majority of these items be covered in a brown paper cover that completely obscure the titles & contents.

    Having been recently introduced to The Octonauts, along with Team Umizoomi & Bubble Guppies by recent tiny visitors this winter, I have to say that Dr Shellington is definitely different from what I expected. That uniform makes him look short & tiny. It's a wonder he can move at all.

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    1. Luckily, I have a ream of brown paper in my cupboard. It always pays to be prepared.

      As for Dr Shellington: Sometimes the clothes do not make the man!

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  12. IDV, a serious question.
    I think you may feel inclined to burn me at the stake, but, nevertheless, here it is : What is the difference between these two Space-sagas ?
    I am not following any, I have no clue about any, but even me (living under a space-age-rock) has realised that there are two of them. One is called "StarWars", the other is something else - I even could not name it, "Enterprise United" ?
    Is there a connection between these universes or is this un-thinkable ? Is it all about splattering monster-mush around ?
    This may come as a shock - at least I read you for some time, and you always wrote about this "Enterprise"-stuff (and I have to confess that I did not really understand most of it, sorry), so I should be a little familiar with your ideas, hobby & preferences, but it is a bit like a blind spot : I simply do not get it. Space, that is. Outfits, entities, wormholes (eh ?) all this ? Is it relevant ? Do I miss something ?

    Oh, and this bloke in the sidebar seems to loose his towel, just in a second MsScarlet ... timing ...

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    1. I should be so lucky!
      Do you not get Star Trek in Germany, Mr Mags? Captain Kirk, Spock, et al? After Star Trek there was Star Trek: The Next Generation, then Deep Space 9, followed by Star Trek Voyager - and then on film, they made a prequel. Star Trek has been around a lot longer than Star Wars. I don't like Star Wars (one of the few) but I've been following the Star Trek series since.... since I was in nappies! It's so much more than just killing monsters.
      Sx

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    2. I apologise for the tardy reply, Mr Mags - I have been recovering from the shock of finding out that you didn't even know that Star Wars' less spectacular but more enduring "nemesis" is called Star Trek! Thankfully, Ms Scarlet stepped in in my absence.

      Plus, I have been readying a good, solid stake for a ritual burning...

      To add to Ms Scarlet's answer: Star Trek originated as a television show in 1966. It was very theatrical, almost Shakespearean, and attracted a lot of classically trained actors. As its name suggests, it began as a trek through the stars, and dealt with various thought provoking themes such as the human condition, exploration, racism (many -isms, in fact), violence and warfare, acceptance and tolerance, friendships, and history (amongst many other topics).
      The TV show ran for three years before being cancelled, then made a resurgence in 1979 with a motion picture, which then spawned five sequels.
      A new TV show - Star Trek: The Next Generation - began in the late-1980s, and ran for seven successful years, followed by four feature films. Before TNG ended, ST: Deep Space Nine and ST: Voyager took over on the TV, followed by the less successful Star Trek: Enterprise - a prequel TV show.
      The latest feature films - beginning with Star Trek in 2009 - are based on the original show, but set in an alternate universe to allow for a reboot (which is, quite frankly, appalling - They're pretty good films, but sadly not what one would call good Star Trek films).

      Star Wars, on the other hand, began as a film in 1978 (or something) followed up by six more (currently), and an animated TV show or two. Star Wars seems to be in the vein of an up-to-date Greek myth/legend. They're quite showy and spectacular, what with all the fighting, lasers, droids and monsters etc, but do not (in my opinion) show the same positivity and morals as Star Trek.
      Like Ms Scarlet, I don't really like Star Wars either. I'll watch the films when they're on the telly, but that's about it.

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    3. Blimey! I got a bit carried away there. My reply is practically an entire blog post in itself!

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  13. And you can't bring up Star Trek & Star Wars without mentioning the other great space sagas: Babylon 5 & Battlestar Galactica. Then there is Stargate, Farscape & the odd yet fascinatingly weird Lexx.

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    1. That's true. Farscape was my favourite, closely followed by Battlestar Galactica. I watched most of Stargate (and enjoyed it), but only ever saw about 10 minutes of Lexx once. I never cared for Babylon 5 even though I did watch quite a few episodes.
      There's also Firefly (which I loved), Buck Rogers in the 25th Century (which I barely remember), and Ulysses 31 (awesome theme music).

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  14. Alright, I think I get it slowly : Star Treck is the more intellectual series - in fact it created a whole universe. What began with pointed-eared Mr Spock now is a collection of diverse life forms. It follows a history of its own - what means that it is possible to see the whole of the series in a chronological way. Except for this alternate universe - seems a cheap escape.

    Star Wars on the other hand tells a father-son-conflict-story, perhaps a bit oedipal, following the blueprint of the "Heldensage", clearly aimed at a younger publicum (six to twelve perhaps).

    But these universes do not interact, or do they ? And what Eros mentioned are other space-sagas that exist outside the two already mentioned, yes ?

    Spaceballs anyone ? Nice stake there, a bit schwarz ...

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    1. Sounds like you've got a good grasp of them both now, Mago. And no, these two universes didn't ever interact (neither did any of the others).

      Ha! Spaceballs! I must watch that again soon.

      ::puts stake away as Mago appears to have redeemed himself::

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  15. And to answer MsScarlet : I do not watch tv, so I am sorry, I do not know what is on there. And I visit the cinema only once in .. in what ? Very seldom, I mean. And when something is advertised with big fanfare - and I guess any of the Star Whatevers would be - I advert my eyes and ignore it.
    Who knew that you are a Star Treck fan too ?! Do you have a favourite character ?

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  16. Mr Mags, my favourite Star Trek character is Seven of Nine.
    Sx

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  17. I'm not as big a fan as Mr Devine, but I think it's a very clever series that can be read as a metaphor for our societies, and our beliefs.
    Sx

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