I've been trying to keep Witchface from SP - diverting all my mental energies to keep IDV and the SubCs under wraps. After all, I don't want to scare him off. However, a heretofor supressed SubC has come to the fore, taking advantage of my distraction.
Her name is Audrey.
She's a frightful snob and almost everything makes her pull a face. I can only describe her as a cross between Hyacinth Bucket and Margo Leadbetter. SP knows when she's about to make an appearance because I, the Host, become silent and a faint sneer appears. Audrey materialises in sneer-form first which lets SP know to change his behaviour.
For instance, last night, SP came home late* from a work party.
* cue wobbly soap opera-style flashback *
"Hello, my boyfriend" I greeted him.
"Aah, hello, my boyfriend.** Sorry I'm an hour or so late."
"Don't worry. I'm just pleased you had a great time - I really thought you'd be bored senseless after last night's work do."
"Not at all. The clients are so much more fun than the stupid work colleagues. I'm so hungry - I had to stop off on the way home and get some food."
Involuntarily, my hand reached out for the bag and pulled out a frozen pizza and a massive bag of chilli Doritos.
"Don't look at the ingredients!" SP almost shouted in a panic. But it was too late. I had been silenced and Audrey's sneer had arrived, followed by a gasp of horror.
"You can't eat these! The ingredients reads like a who's who of the periodic table, plus all their offspring and incestuous cousins." Audrey was aghast. Even more so when she clocked the E-numbers. "And look at those Es, SP - There're enough to supply an illegal rave!" At that, she promptly pulled out a doily, placed it on a chair and sat down, fanning herself.
* wobbly flashback wobbles out of existance *
I hope she's not planning on staying.
* We're not living together. Yet. I was looking after his dog.
** Feel free to vomit.