Friday, December 19, 2008

An unexpected 'guest'


I've been trying to keep Witchface from SP - diverting all my mental energies to keep IDV and the SubCs under wraps. After all, I don't want to scare him off. However, a heretofor supressed SubC has come to the fore, taking advantage of my distraction.

Her name is Audrey.

She's a frightful snob and almost everything makes her pull a face. I can only describe her as a cross between Hyacinth Bucket and Margo Leadbetter. SP knows when she's about to make an appearance because I, the Host, become silent and a faint sneer appears. Audrey materialises in sneer-form first which lets SP know to change his behaviour.
For instance, last night, SP came home late* from a work party.


* cue wobbly soap opera-style flashback *


"Hello, my boyfriend" I greeted him.

"Aah, hello, my boyfriend.** Sorry I'm an hour or so late."

"Don't worry. I'm just pleased you had a great time - I really thought you'd be bored senseless after last night's work do."

"Not at all. The clients are so much more fun than the stupid work colleagues. I'm so hungry - I had to stop off on the way home and get some food."
Involuntarily, my hand reached out for the bag and pulled out a frozen pizza and a massive bag of chilli Doritos.
"Don't look at the ingredients!" SP almost shouted in a panic. But it was too late. I had been silenced and Audrey's sneer had arrived, followed by a gasp of horror.

"You can't eat these! The ingredients reads like a who's who of the periodic table, plus all their offspring and incestuous cousins." Audrey was aghast. Even more so when she clocked the E-numbers. "And look at those Es, SP - There're enough to supply an illegal rave!" At that, she promptly pulled out a doily, placed it on a chair and sat down, fanning herself.


* wobbly flashback wobbles out of existance *


I hope she's not planning on staying.



* We're not living together. Yet. I was looking after his dog.
** Feel free to vomit.


10 comments:

  1. BLARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH

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  2. I think I'm going to be sick.

    "Hello, my boyfriend" I greeted him.

    "Aah, hello, my boyfriend


    It's like one of those awful movies or maybe even an after school special.

    When are you becoming miserable again?

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  3. Could you get any camper? You're like an old married couple.

    It's like Terry and J- well, Terry.

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  4. Ohhh. I think it's lovely! Of course you are going to be pissed when BF is late home and drunk.

    He has horrible taste in food, does he? Have you baked for him?

    Ohh! Are you going to show him your blog? Let me know if you do. I have some advice to be asking on that front.

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  5. I don't think it's lovely he was lated and you were annoyed. I meant it's lovely you have someone to get annoyed at.

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  6. lated is not a word. Yet.

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  7. Much like the plural of moose is meese T-birdy.

    It will be someday, it will.

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  8. Hello my Boyfriend!

    HELLO MY BOYFRIEND!!!!

    for the love of god

    ***pokes eyes out with stick***

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  9. 'Looking after his dog'

    I bet you were!

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  10. How has your other tenants--the feathered ones--reacted to the dog?

    And how is your room mate Mags 2.0 taking all of this? Is it time for her to strike out on her own?

    *ponders whether to have chili fries or chips and dip for dinner*

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