Thursday, December 11, 2008


The other day, I was playing a game of Word Twist on Face Book and listening to a bit of Goldfrapp, when something caught my ear. A kind of clucking, chirping noise sounded regularly between the phrases of Ride A White Horse. I thought my ancient CD player had finally given up the ghost (I'm desperately waiting for it to break so I can get a new one), but then I realised that the sound wasn't coming from the stereo, but from somewhere else. It almost sounded like it was outside the back door.
I heaved myself off my arse, switched off the stereo and had a look out of the dining room window. There below me, perched on the path facing the back door, was Beaky. It was him chirping away plaintively, knowing I was in having seen the light on.
I'd already chopped up some sultanas and half unlocked the back door before I realised what I was doing. Beaky obviously had me in some kind of thrall using his insidious mind powers. Ah, well, I thought, I was up now. So I opened the door and dropped the dried fruit just outside in front of the diabolical bird. He started pecking up the succulent morsels as soon as they hit the ground, but didn't get through half of them before he, and I, were rudely interrupted.
Mrs Beaky came tearing up, screeching and wailing - If she had teeth, I'm sure she'd have been gnashing them. A small whirlwind of feathers, beaks and claws almost took out my ferns before Beaky departed, harried on by his shrill wife. She quickly scoffed the remaining sultanas, glared at me (I did my very best not to flinch), then tore off after him.

Poor Beaky. I'm almost of the opinion that I should have let him in the house to be out of her reach...


  1. You could also kill her or at least plan it.

    Stewie from Family Guy would.

  2. He needs his own Sex Pest instead of that evil Harpy.

  3. Clearly something about her keeps him hanging on. Perhaps he likes being told what to do and being treated like that...kinky bird...

  4. Its a shame he's not a mynah bird, then he could moan about the Mrs.

  5. CyberPetra: I can't wait for the day when VICTORY WILL BE MINE! AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

    Snooze: I think you're right.

    Although, I'm not sure if I want to see Beaky 'doing it' (or being 'done to') everytime I leave the house?

    Eros: Egads! You don't think he's into S&M, too, do you?

    Frobi: I fear, if he was, that he'd never stop moaning.

  6. Eros: Egads! You don't think he's into S&M, too, do you?

    Are you?

  7. What a hard-faced shrew.

    As is Mrs. Beaky.

  8. Mrs Beaky is obviously trained by Miss MJ

  9. Shut it, Beast.

    And why haven't you (IVD, not Beast) dropped round for a visit?

    Too busy taking it up the shitter?

    I'm not in the mood for company anyway.

    *fecks off*

  10. Don't mind MJ she's just riding the red surf.

  11. That must mean I am perpetually surfing the crimson tide.

    I think I'm identifying more with Mrs Beaky at the moment, and that is never a good thing for A Spinster Aunt.

  12. 'Petra: No!

    Tim: * guffaw *

    No, really.

    BEAST: Uh oh. Now you've done. And somehow, I'm in trouble, too.

    MJ: I've just come back from yours, actually. The atmosphere was a little fraught what with all your stress at having the painters & decorators in.

    'Petra: I think it's less 'riding' and more 'plowing through in a massive tanker'.

    T-Bird: Shiiiiiiiit!