Sunday 6 November 2005

Knight of the Witch (part II)

...Continued from Knight of the Witch (part I)

 Lawks! She was a right one. She can't be the Avon Lady, I thought. She looked like she'd dragged herself out of the swamp. She didn't half pong, too! To top it off, her eyes pointed in different directions and she had not so much a boil as a steadily simmering vat of pus on the side of her nose.

 Anyway, in an unusual moment of feeling emotion (I think it was empathy but could quite easily have been contempt), I let her in and bought a few pots of her greasy chemicals. An hour later, she'd got most of them on her face. After I'd seen what the liquid foundation did to the carpet after I accidently dropped it, it wasn't coming anywhere near my delicate skin, so I daubed it on her.

 She still looked hideous but at least that vile smell couldn't escape from her rather large pores. Actually, I dropped a tub of eye cream into a pore the size of a teacup but couldn't face reaching in to retrieve it.

 I digress. I'm supposed to be relating the tale of falling men. Did I mention the man in question was naked? No? Oh. He was naked.

 "Oof" he said as he landed face down across the broom. His was the only moon visible in the overcast sky.

 "Eeek" I replied while scrabbling for my luggage. My heart was in my mouth. As was my stomach, liver, kidneys and one lung - I've got a big mouth. I swallowed and exclaimed "You didn't half give me a fright". Silence. Hmmm... "I say, are you alive back there?" More silence. I did the only thing a curious witch should do in the circumstances: poked him. Hard. In the ribs. He gave a muffled grunt but didn't move. Bugger.

 At this point I had a decision to make. Did I tip him off the broom - well, who was I to interrupt his journey earthwards, albeit a terminal one - and carry on to Indescribable's? Or, did I turn around, try and evade the unknown flying creature and take him back to mine? Funnily enough, the decision was quite an easy one. Turning up at Indescribable's with or without a naked, unconscious man was tantamount to suicide. I couldn't remember the reason for going to hers in the first place. So, that left going back to mine. With a naked, unconscious man.

 Now, before you start: I HAVE NEVER DONE THIS BEFORE!

 As it was a bit nippy out, I pulled a blanket out from under the bags, knocking the melted Tupperware off the broom. Oops. Then, looking down, I realised it was only Swaffham that we were passing over and pushed the French Fancies off as well. I managed to get the blanket over the man, having to tuck bits of it underneath him to stop it blowing away. It was only then that I noticed what a fantastic body my unresponsive passenger had, aside from the scratch marks on his shoulders. Maybe this wasn't going to be so bad after all!

To be continued in... Knight of the Witch (part III)


  1. Love the story. Hope to read more about your knight not in shining armor.

    If the 'demon box' gives you anymore trouble, threaten to bite it. You'll be amazed by the results.

  2. My first comment! And it's a nice one. With useful advice too.

    Must get on and finish the tale. But not now though, as I'm too hungry and lazy...

    Thank you Vampire Librarian!


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