Sunday 1 January 2017

"Did the plan fail, Edward?"*

 * Tulip 'Tubbs' Tattsyrup
(The League of Gentlemen series 1, episode 4 "The Beast of Royston Vasey")

 As you have almost certainly guessed due to the lack of a certain year's review, time has escaped us, and as a consequence, our plan for hosting the 2016 Coven Awards failed.
 And it's all the Host's fault!
 It was! I did my bit. I recapped what we'd done over the past year.
 Yeah, but that was the easy bit. It's only a bloody list of most of our blog posts, after all!
 Be that as it may, I still did it. I can see it languishing in our draft posts under this one. In fact, I'm going to pop back in time by a minute to publish it! If you and your irritating SubConscious weren't such procrastinating lazy arses-
 I'll have you know, I've made quite a lot of the award headers, thank you!
 Yeah! It's your SubC who's the lazy arse. Where are the quarterly post headers, hmm? I mean, how difficult is it to slap together four shitting banners that say 'January, February, March', or 'July, August, September', eh?
 I can't be blamed for that! Witchface has kept me busy with other things...
 Excuses, excuses-
 So what excuse have you got for not preparing and organising all the awards, then? How is everyone supposed to know who the Sexiest Strictly Ginger is? Or, what's our most Coveted Cusp Book Cover? Or, Beaky's Most Embarassing Blunder? Or, our Favourite Frogbot Infested Post? Or, which Sci-Figure has the Coldest, Deadest, Prettiest Eyes?
 And what our Favourite Font is?!?
A Starfleet dinosaur?!?
 Well... Um... There's, uhh...
 I thought so. Nothing. You've got nothing!
 As a matter of fact, I have. Dinosaurs!
 My excuse is dinosaurs. And Star Trek.
 Oh, gods...
 And you couldn't even manage to finish that, either.
 Shut up, you!


 Remember when I won that Star Trek Art Challenge at the beginning of December? Well, it is the winner's duty to set the next challenge. So this is what I came up with:

The New Year is approaching, and as a certain notorious six year old once said to his long-suffering stuffed tiger: “Where are the flying cars? Where are the moon colonies? Where are the personal robots and the zero gravity boots, huh? You call this the future?? Ha!”

Well, Star Trek has given us those futuristic concepts, and on the whole, has been pretty timeless about it. However, there are plenty of anachronisms within it that give away the era in which any particular series or book originated. So, for this art challenge, how about we celebrate the anachronistic and imagine how TOS would look if it was made in the 1990s? Or a Victorian era TNG? Or a Jurassic DS9?
Just pick a time period and create its future Star Trek style, whether in-universe or real world. Clockwork Borg? Wooden starships? Period costume uniforms? A 1950s replicator recipe book cover? Or maybe you just want to draw a stegosaurus in a Starfleet uniform? As long as it’s anachronistic, anything goes!

And here is my (unfinished) entry depicting a stegosaurus wearing a
2370s Starfleet uniform:

This brachiosaur was going to be decked in 23rd century Federation starship livery,
but I only got as far as those elongated triangle things on the shoulders...

I got bored of trying to draw a stegosaur head on, so sketched a pterosaur wearing a
2370s Starfleet uniform instead.


 So. There you have it. No finished 2016 Coven Awards/end of year review due to dinosaurs.
And star Trek.
 And Star Trek.
 Still, happy New Year everyone!

I do wonder if we might have been able to finish the Coven Awards if The Host hadn't been fart-arsing around with this post...?


  1. if you wanted to sketch a dinosaur, why didn't you ask me to send you a snapshot?

  2. what? no new years walk on the beach!?!? Well happy new Year to you anyhow handsome!

    1. Unlike last New Year, the weather isn't really conducive to a lovely walk on the beach. I'd get just as wet walking down the road as I would if I just flung myself into the sea!

  3. Star Trek as dinosaurs? Led by Capt James T.Rex Kirk, with Velociraptor Spock, Dr "Bones" Triceratops, and Nessie Uhura! They be flying a megasized Enterprise! And I would assume the Voth will now be replaced by an earlier life form, perhaps coral polyps in the Great Barrier Reef of fluid space!

    Happy New Year to you and yours, IDV, including the critters--both welcomed and demonic! Joy and Best wishes for a wonderful New Year full of good fortune, good fun, and good cheer!


  4. Tattsyrup, now there's a name to conjure with.
    Actually I shocked one of my new colleagues during a night shift, because she asked me what sort of woman I would find attractive if I liked that sort of thing. Pussy Galore is a perfectly sensible name, and I maintain she over reacted.
    Happy new year, dear boy.

    1. There's a time and place for hysterics, and the workplace isn't it :)

    2. Of course in principle I'm with you on that, it's just I can't seem to find a hysterics-free workplace...

    3. If you do manage to find one, let me know.

  5. Happy New Year!!!
    Give all awards to me and have done with it.
    Meanwhile.... I am far lazier than you.... I am still working on: Welcome to 2015!!!
    And, I also wanted to say how warm and fuzzy the birthday post made me feel. Soz. It's the season to be soppy and I am often awkward with soppy stuff.

    1. Me too. Soppy "does not compute" unless my tear ducts suffer a malfunction (when watching How To Train Your Dragon, for example) for which a plumber may be necessary. Preferably a burly one with a big wrench...
      But, anyway, you're welcome! And: Congratulations for winning 2016!

  6. Happy new year, DeVice. 2017 may, let me stress, may, include a trip to Europe. We're still deciding.

    1. While we're still in the EU, I'll see if I can arrange for someone to run the vacuum cleaner around the place and dust the top shelves before you arrive.

  7. It all makes perfectly sense.
    Dinosaurs in STar Treck / War rags.
    If "Sharknado" did it ... why not ? I vaguely remember that there were plastic saurier in my childhood. Perhaps they could wear taylored uniforms and be photographed stop-motion-wise like these fifties' shockers from Japan ? Just do not let them stomp over Tokyo - a wonder that it still exists - but land in the "Land of the Cormorant" - ? I leave the details to you.

    Happy New Year, Mr deVice !

    1. Funnily enough, there are already Saurians in Star Trek. I don't think they've stomped on any starships yet, though. However, there's always a first time (when I dress them in a hideous uniform and they're so disgusted that they go on a rampage?)

  8. "there were plastic saurier in my childhood" - figurines, damn it ! Mad from plastic, coloured. Have no clue where they finally ended up. Extinct, I guess.

    1. I had some, too. The ones I made from model kits got smashed to smithereens in a plastic Tyrannosaurs "feeding frenzy". Although some of the plesiosaurs survived only to sink to the bottom of the garden pond...

    2. Did you do model kits of airoplaines too ? I remember when a friend and me got totally carried away with our models. We both were forced by our mothers to get rid of at least some of them. So we used fire crackers to make them explode, especially in mid-flight and have them crash in the sand box. A goodness, I like the smell of burnt plastic in the morning !

    3. HA! I did much the same thing with my plastic ship models. I took them to a local pond, put them in the water, and sank them with my BB gun!

  9. "Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a paleontologist!" — Dr McCoy, "The Trouble With Trilobites," Star Trek

    Happy New Year!

    1. PS: [off-topic. sorry] Do they put salt on the roads in the UK? When I watch Wheeler Dealers many of the cars have severe undercarriage corrosion. Road salt caused massive rusting on my car when I lived in Michigan where they heavily salted the roads.

    2. Oh, yes! The councils around here are very good at salting the roads. Sometimes they even do it in the winter!

      "Damn it Jim, I'm a doctor, not a paleontologist!" — Dr McCoy, "The Trouble With Trilobites," Star Trek - THis is my new favourite thing. Thank you, LẌ!

  10. Why is there no place for comments in the previous post?

    Oh, and Happy New Year.

    1. Oh, I removed the comment function as the post is unfinished. I might open the comments if I finish it, but I wouldn't hold your breath if I were you...

  11. Happy New Year to the host and to all!

    Hope 2017 is mega fun and with more Star Trekking're bloody good you are.

  12. I do love "Tubbs"... "Are you local?" I got asked this by a "Charity Worker" just the other day and nearly replied... "Why?... Are you a local shop for local people?"
    "Edward!... This man is touching my precious things"...
    Time just seems to slip away. I do like the thought of Dino Trek though.

    1. "What's all this shouting? We'll have no trouble here. This is a local shop for local people. There's nothing for you here!"

  13. Thinking of you in this wild weather. Hope you are far enough inland and not plodding around the coast today.
    Take care, m'dear!


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