Wednesday, 15 September 2010

Farewell Dinah

Here I am!

I know it looked like I was going to become a Weekend Blogger, but I can assure you that's not going to happen.
Hey? Who groaned?
Anyway, here I am blogging on a Wednesday - What more proof do you need?

Now. We'd better get down to business. And sad business at that: The Coven (as it was) is no more!

As you may have noticed, two of the Coven, Miss Smuggersham (formerly T-Bird) and Dora, have pretty much retired and are now on emergency standby duty only. Now, one of the remaining three members (including myselves, of course) has left the Blog World after four years of exemplary service: Dinah, your shoes can never be filled. Not because you've got weirdly shaped, big feet (you haven't, have you?), but because of who you are and what you've brought us.
Sadly, I can't link to any of her previous posts as they've all disappeared bar one, but Dinah has entertained us with, amongst other things, Olympic diving hunks, the 50 Book Challenge, snow, Librarian Girl, the delights of Tim (yay!) Hortons (oh), drunken blogging, TV shows & ads, a new job & apartment and, of course, her cocktail swigging South Park avatar!

This means there is now a coven of two which is highly unnatural and will encourage even more bickering so we'll never get anything done. We need more members!

I was considering holding X-Factor/Pop Idol-type auditions to try and pick new coven members, but I hate those shows and their cruelty of broadcasting the deluded, blatantly useless wannabes hapless attempts at singing. Instead, I have come up with a shortlist of experienced bloggers:

CyberPetra - Somewhat difficult due to being so highly strung. His diva-strops and thirst for champagne are legendary.
MJ - Is she too much of an adversary? Also prone to diva-strops and pretty much anything with even a sniff of alcohol champagne.
Beast - Unreliable due to the demands of Mr C? Then there's the stench from his duvet...
ErosWings - His morals may be a little high for some of the high jinks. Although, there was this (scroll about quarter of the way down to 'The prolific and hilarious YNF').
Spike - Certainly needn't worry about his morals (I believe he 'misplaced' them somewhere in 1987...), but the attendance register shows a lot of sick absences.
Tazzy & Piggy - So stripey and unruly! Plus, Piggy's binbag of a starfish would endanger us at every bending moment.
Snooze - I'm a little perturbed by her scary empathy with past-its-use-by-date fruit & vegetables.
Princess - Hmmm... Not enough experience as a Flying Monkey?

Or, perhaps I should just forget about the whole thing and disband the coven entirely?* After all, to some it may appear segregational or show favouritism. It's not, I can assure you - I just need someone who can keep their head in a crisis and cast a spell/hex/glamour in a tight spot. And that wasn't a euphemism!

Oh, what do do?!

* And keep Tim as my pet, obviously.


  1. Replacing one Canuck (Dinah) with another (me) would assure Canadian content.

    I could report to you from the Hortons.

  2. I am humbled to even make the short list, but my vote has to go for MJ, Beast, and CyberPetra. Eros would of course be awesome too and you know he'd have the coven's backs if anything should be untoward in cyberspace, but I think of him more as an overarching protective presence. The others on the list would also make your coven proud.

    But first, here is a moment of silence for coven members past: .

    PS Besides, although being in Canada, I loathe Tim Horton's with a passion

  3. Have them compete in a cake decorating contest!

    I miss T-Bird.

  4. How many expieriences must one have before one can scream "That's enough!"?....

  5. i'm just happy to be a flying monkey, sugar! :D xoxoxoxoxox

  6. I bet you only want me in the coven so you will have someone in the coven to wash up the cauldron after MJ has been boiling her panty hose :-)

  7. Do I get a bloody say in it? How dare you even conceive of breaking up the coven without even consulting your fellow senior member! (not that sort of member).

    These are perilous times for the coven; While the essence of our culture has been saved in the elders who now reside upon this ship, I estimate that only about two of us have survived. I am now a member of an endangered species.

  8. Oh gosh, I'm so flattered (and a little shocked!). Wow.

    Before you make any decision allow me to post a response on my blog! It'll probably not be up before the weekend but oh well.

  9. Good luck trying to keep them under control for a working.

    If I may answer Princess? Given my experiences with wildly inappropriate men, I've yet to get to that point. When you do, can you let me know what it's like and how you did it?

  10. Are you sure you want to hold a cake decorating competition with MJ back in the mix? The results could be explosive!

    Well, I'm not sure if you should or shouldn't rebuild your coven. Perhaps it's time to build your own pantheon!

  11. Before I go volunteering myself, what exactly do Coven duties involve?

    I won't have to clean the Apocalypse Oven, will I?

  12. or worse Miss MJ....dab ointment on the warty wand :-(

  13. GAH!

    Isn't that Tim's job?

  14. MJ: That's true. We must continue with the multi-national membership.

    Snooze: Luckily, liking Tim Horton's isn't a requirement.

    xl: What a fabulous idea! Although, I couldn't ask them to do something that I probably wouldn't be bothered to do myself. Plus, see Eros' comment about the results.

    I miss her, too. Maybe she'll come back one day?

    Princess: Well, how many experiences have you had?

    Savannah: And the ranks of the Flying Monkeys have never looked better!

    Tim: Oh, yeah. I knew there was something (or someone) I meant to do before sorting out this coven business.

    We must do our utmost to repopulate the coven. Forget about once every seven years - We've got to do it as much and often as possible! Your place or mine?

    'Petra: Good shocked, or bad shocked?

    Don't worry - there's no way I'll - sorry, Tim - we'll be making a decision before the weekend.

    Roses: Maybe you'd like some employment as a coven corral-er?

    Eros: Ooh, a pantheon?!
    I'll need a mountain, lots of white marble pillars and plenty of togas.

    MJ: Mostly, coven duties consist of squeezing into inappropriate clothing (although, it's mainly Tim who does that), avoiding collisions in the STC (that's Space/Time Continuum for those not in the know), mucking around over The Cusp, replacing ourselves with cardboard cut-outs and bickering over whose turn it is to bake for the next meeting.

    BEAST: If you're not careful I'll send you on a spelunking holiday in the depths of poofiest Yorkshire!

    MJ: I don't know what you're so worried about? Wand is most certainly not warty. Besides, you're right - It is Tim's job!

  15. Sure, I'd love to be the coven corallererer.

    I'll just go dig out my lasso and handcuffs. I had them set aside for RDJ's next UK trip, but his lawyers are too scary, they might as well be put to some good use.


    As for IDV … 'repopulate the coven?' Do you want me to hand in my resignation too?!

  17. Does a customized broom come with the position?

  18. He'll show you how he's using his broom in an upright position MJ.

  19. Oh Pete, that's definitely deserving of a "ZING!" in memory of Dinah!

  20. YAY!

    I think you should pick me. Pick me, pick me, pick me.

    Please? I've even posted something on my blog. Outrageous!

  21. Roses: There's always a plcae for a kinky corralerererer - Just when should one stop spelling that?

    Miss Scarlet: Only if you promise not to crash land a farmhouse on any of us.

    Tim: ohforchristssakes...

    * remembers that Tim's diva strops are on a par with 'Petra's *

    No, please stay. We'll find some other way to shore up our depleted ranks.

    MJ: Well, you get a broom. Any customisation comes out of your own pocket unless you can get those boys at Pimp My Ride to give it a makeover?

    'Petra: I shall do no such thing!

    Unless, of course, MJ happens to sneak a peek while I'm be(r)ating Tim for his cheekiness?

    As for picking you - I'd like to say that I can't be swayed so easily, but I'm a sucker for Dynasty bitch fights (as well you know) and Tim does seem keen...

  22. Dear Mr DeVice...
    Thankyou for your charming enquiry as to my levels of experience but I'm afraid that a lady just doesn't tell.... Tho i do have some lovely snapshots...My enquiry was merely to acertain the nature of the duties reqired for admission to a position within the coven...suitable skills like ...Firm wand making...Procurement of rare potions...Casting of FairyDust etc.
    Please forward your Key Selection Criteria so that I may consider an application...

    Oh and Miss Roses... There has been one man that made me scream...
    It was Freddie as he came rising up out of the Misty lake on Prom night...well at least I thought it was him... it could have been that damn woman weilding her sword again...It was Foggy....

  23. Can someone please put the kettle on? I could really do with a nie cup of tea and a slice of cake.

  24. Did somebody mention cake?

  25. I sure hope not MJ.

    Not with you and your flatulence around.


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