Wednesday, 21 April 2010

Wherefore art thou, Freakin' Green Elf Shorts?

Acquiring target...

Zoom in...

Target locked!

The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts were last seen slinking around 'Petra's ankles covered in the gayest period ever after trawling the tranny bars of Denmark.
Quite how 'Petra has managed to keep a hold of them this long, is beyond me. Those 'Shorts are rife with so many kinds of biological excreta, that they now qualify as a lifeform in their own right. And as such, are surprisingly mobile! For proof, just click here, or look at the pictures below of the 'Shorts attacking unwary Bloggers.

You want to know why MJ never shows her face on her blog? It's because she no longer has one. I only hope ErosWings was a bit more fortunate after his encounter...

Speaking of encounters, it's Donn's turn next with The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts, so get a move on 'Petra, and get them mailed out pronto!

And, for those of you who have little to no knowledge of the whys-&-wherefores of the 'Shorts, please see MJ's Definitive History of The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts. You may also like to peruse my map of their travels across the globe:

Click to embigulate. I do keep threatening to redo the map as the UK is getting a little crowded. However, I don't really want to see those hideous things back here, so that'll give me an excuse not to tinker with the map. Oh, unless Tim wins them, of course...


  1. I've been asking myself this question too.

    Where the hell are The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts, Petra?

    Brilliant maps and diagrams, IVD.

    You know perfectly well my face is hidden as a result of the electric facemask incident.

  2. Note to everyone: Click on Eroswing's photo for a better view.

  3. Ha! I'll NEVER Have them!! Muwahahahaha!

    I think Petra just keeps rubbing them aaaaaaaaall over his face.

  4. I bet CP's wearing them underneath his blue bridesmaid frock that he showed over at Princess's place.

    Yes, CP, the time has come to let go of the Shorts and let Donn have fun with them.

  5. I'll bet he's never taken them off since he got them.

    Filthy little perv.

  6. Fantastic Pics and charts Mr De Vice and thanks for the link to The difnitive Hx...great work MJ

    The "FGES" have such a colourful yet somewhat alarming history...
    they have prompted me to pen a little verse.

    "From the cracks where they've been...

    To the places they've seen...

    The stains they've endured...

    All those odours so rude...

    And the critters embedded between".

    It is all quite disturbing really...

    Poor Don's nether regions must be so cold waiting sans pants...

    Pull your finger out Petra!

    Oh Hi Eros, MJ.

  7. A question if you please...

    Is that pic of Petra the aftrmath of a "Smurf Orgy"?

    Just curious.....

  8. Forward The Shorts so that Princess can give it a go.

    Give Australia a fighting chance at TFGES!

    A nation without The Shorts is a nation unfulfilled!

  9. Smashing poem, Princess.

  10. MJ: 'Petra's had them long enough. Longer than Herge, surely? It's about time he sent them on.

    Thank you for the rare compliment.

    Ah, yes. Your hidden face. I presume you got it done at the same time as Beast?

    Everyone: Do as MJ says! Rawr!

    Tim: Ah, don't be so sure. Besides, you don't have to have them, just briefly wear them (or not - no one would complain if you posed nude), then send them on.
    Just try not to think of what 'Petra's done with them when you do get them!

    Eros: Urrgh! What a horrid combination!

    MJ: Do you think that's why he hasn't sent them? Because they're now stuck to him?

    Princess: I'm glad you like our efforts. This post was mainly for your benefit, as I think you've been bereft of the knowledge of the 'Shorts. I thought you'd need a bit of warning should they make their way to your continent.

    Your verse sums them up nicely. Marvellous!

    As for the smurf-orgy, gods only know what 'Petra's been up to for so long with them?!

    MJ: Yes, it's about time Australia took it's share of the burden- I mean joy of holding the 'Shorts.

  11. Am I the only one to notice that Petra hasn't commented yet?

  12. I think 'Petra's too busy trying to find the 'Shorts so he can package them up...

  13. I fear Petra is curled in a foetal ball sucking the gusset of the FGES and sobbing in a most pitiful way.
    Give them up Petra before its too late !

  14. Beast is right and we all know it.

  15. I just hope that he hasn't had a nasty crash on that new laptop of his.

  16. Oh... and MJ,
    Does the passing of the mantle of temporary ownership of the "FGES" not involve the writing of a winning caption for a photo of the current winner inserting some part of their anatomy into said "FGES" in a compo?
    As much as this well travelled, obviously much loved although, at times, somewhat "abused" piece of aparrel would be most welcome at "The Palais" for a preiod of rest,repose and gracious hospitality (the Empress is busy preparing a guest room as we speak)

    I belive that one would be in breach of the rules of transfer if the darling little things were to be sent "Down Under" without my having won them fairly in a compo.

    Any suggestions to aid me in this moral dillema would be most appreciated..

  17. Tim: Spoilsport.

    Anyway, you might win them whether you want to or not!

    BEAST: Sobbing because he has to give up the 'Shorts, or because he realised he's sucking their gusset?

    * gasps in shock that MJ agrees with Beast *

    Princess: You are indeed correct in your musings. The 'Shorts have to be won in a caption comepetition format.

    Hopefully, 'Petra will pass them on before the world forgets what a caption competition is!

  18. But that's not how it works!

  19. Well, as you know so much about the rules, you should just give it a jolly good go, shouldn't you. Show us how it's all done?

  20. I'm showing you NOTHING.


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