Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Year of Housewifing Desperately

Well, it has been a year since I moved in with SP, but I've still got several aprons to go before I'm a fully qualified Desperate Housewife.

You see, housewifery is akin to martial arts. In fact, it predates them. Ever since the first caveman clubbed a female over the head, dragged her back to his cave and said: "Ug" (translation: Clean this place up, Woman, it's a sabretoothed pigsty. And have my dinner ready when I get home, too. I'm going out to wrestle a wooly mammoth), in fact.
There are aprons for several important housewife duties, such as: shopping, table-laying, afternoon drinking and passive-aggressive manipulation amongst others. I'm currently up to a pink apron in table-laying and pastel blue in afternoon drinking! Once I've achieved ivory aprons in any two duties, I will be expected to train a Houseboy. Being the foreward thinking and prepared housewife that I am, I've already got my eye on a couple I'd be willing to take under my apron!
However, unlike martial arts such as judo, in housewifery, the top apron colour to aspire to is white. You see, a white apron shows that the housewife can do every duty expected of her/him whilst keeping the apron spotless and pristine.

Of course, there are those who go too far and covet the exclusive perfection of qualifying as a Stepford Wife. Not for me the full frontal lobotomy and range of tasteful cybernetics that goes with being one of those!


  1. At which apron do you pick up a support staff, like the pool boy and the lawn boy?

  2. Ah, Eros, the support staff only come once one has achieved three white aprons, sadly. Until then, one has to attend to one's own trimming and bleaching.

  3. Yes, you certainly don't need a frontal lobotomy when you've got a frontal bottomy!

  4. And two posts in two days? You're really spoiling us!

  5. I obviously didn't mean to post that twice. Just over-enthusiastic punching of the POST button, clearly.

  6. "Frontal bottomy"


  7. Tim1: Oh, don't you start. You'll only encourage MJ.

    Tim2: Just don't get used to it.

    Tim3: See? Violence doesn't solve everything. Less punching, more love!

    MJ: Oh gods... See what you've done, Tim1?

  8. Passive-aggressive manipulation is what I'm best at, believe it or not. Afternoon drinking comes in a close second.

    And I'm not even semi engaged or anything, unlike someone else..

  9. ***Titters politley at IVD's front bottom***
    Can we soon be expecting recipe swapping and a little light needle work ???

  10. You should know that Midol doesn't work.

    But you CAN go horseback riding during your period.

    Let's get together for more girl talk soon.

  11. 'Petra: "And I'm not even semi engaged or anything, unlike someone else.."

    Someone else..? Your not so significant other? Me? TIM?!?! He'd better not be semi-engaged!

    BEAST: My alleged front bottom is not amused.

    And don't think I'll darn your socks, either.

    MJ: Yes, lets. I want to know which shampoo is best for split ends, and your take on the perfect Martini.

  12. Well you are semi engaged aren't you. What with SP wanting to ask and all..

  13. So exciting but I go for blurting out the question during sex. Besides, I am a sisgendered anatomical woman and apparently I proposed by saying when discussing moving in plans, "Why don't we just get married?"


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