Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Year of Housewifing Desperately


Well, it has been a year since I moved in with SP, but I've still got several aprons to go before I'm a fully qualified Desperate Housewife.


You see, housewifery is akin to martial arts. In fact, it predates them. Ever since the first caveman clubbed a female over the head, dragged her back to his cave and said: "Ug" (translation: Clean this place up, Woman, it's a sabretoothed pigsty. And have my dinner ready when I get home, too. I'm going out to wrestle a wooly mammoth), in fact.
There are aprons for several important housewife duties, such as: shopping, table-laying, afternoon drinking and passive-aggressive manipulation amongst others. I'm currently up to a pink apron in table-laying and pastel blue in afternoon drinking! Once I've achieved ivory aprons in any two duties, I will be expected to train a Houseboy. Being the foreward thinking and prepared housewife that I am, I've already got my eye on a couple I'd be willing to take under my apron!
However, unlike martial arts such as judo, in housewifery, the top apron colour to aspire to is white. You see, a white apron shows that the housewife can do every duty expected of her/him whilst keeping the apron spotless and pristine.

Of course, there are those who go too far and covet the exclusive perfection of qualifying as a Stepford Wife. Not for me the full frontal lobotomy and range of tasteful cybernetics that goes with being one of those!

13 comments:

  1. At which apron do you pick up a support staff, like the pool boy and the lawn boy?

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  2. Ah, Eros, the support staff only come once one has achieved three white aprons, sadly. Until then, one has to attend to one's own trimming and bleaching.

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  3. Yes, you certainly don't need a frontal lobotomy when you've got a frontal bottomy!

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  4. And two posts in two days? You're really spoiling us!

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  5. I obviously didn't mean to post that twice. Just over-enthusiastic punching of the POST button, clearly.

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  6. "Frontal bottomy"

    AhhhHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!

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  7. Tim1: Oh, don't you start. You'll only encourage MJ.

    Tim2: Just don't get used to it.

    Tim3: See? Violence doesn't solve everything. Less punching, more love!

    MJ: Oh gods... See what you've done, Tim1?

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  8. Passive-aggressive manipulation is what I'm best at, believe it or not. Afternoon drinking comes in a close second.

    And I'm not even semi engaged or anything, unlike someone else..

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  9. ***Titters politley at IVD's front bottom***
    Can we soon be expecting recipe swapping and a little light needle work ???

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  10. You should know that Midol doesn't work.

    But you CAN go horseback riding during your period.

    Let's get together for more girl talk soon.

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  11. 'Petra: "And I'm not even semi engaged or anything, unlike someone else.."

    Someone else..? Your not so significant other? Me? TIM?!?! He'd better not be semi-engaged!

    BEAST: My alleged front bottom is not amused.

    And don't think I'll darn your socks, either.

    MJ: Yes, lets. I want to know which shampoo is best for split ends, and your take on the perfect Martini.

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  12. Well you are semi engaged aren't you. What with SP wanting to ask and all..

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  13. So exciting but I go for blurting out the question during sex. Besides, I am a sisgendered anatomical woman and apparently I proposed by saying when discussing moving in plans, "Why don't we just get married?"

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