Friday, October 02, 2009

Splash


"And where in the seven hells have you two been, eh?" Insulin,the cecaelian sea hag, bellowed at the return of FlotPig and JetTaz, her (sometimes) faithful eel-servants. "It's nearly 9:00 am and I've had to make my own morning cocktail!"
"Mistress MJ- I mean, Mistress Insulin, we've found something for your collection" FlotPig oinked. A new houseboy! In fact, you could say he's a prince amongst houseboys."
"'e's fookin' gorgeous, is what 'e is" JetTaz added with a filthy look on his face.
"Well, don't just tell me about him" Insulin said angrily, grabbing the eels in two of her inky black tentacles, "show, me!" She held the eels before her, FlotPig's cloudy, milky eye next to JetTaz's, their good eyes facing outward. The eels' pearlescent eyes whirled hypnotically together showing the sea hag what they'd witnessed that night.
Insulin viewed the scenes as if she was there instead of her eel-servants. She saw the great ship as it was buffetted by the storm. She stared enrapt at the soaking wet, muscular cowboy-prince before, at the edge of her vision, something slithered off the heaving deck of the ship and into the roiling sea. It was this distraction that enabled her to notice the mermaid also staring at the cowboy-prince, but from a nearer vantage point. A closer look revealed the 'maid was actually Antenna, the cross-dressing son of that beastly king who ruled this watery realm. She tutted in disgust but continued to watch. The creaking ship was scuppered by the storm and the prince was retrieved from the depths by the dratted hydrapoof and carried away towards the shore.
After the eels had fast-forwarded the interminably long and boring trip to shore, Insulin watched from above the waves as Antenna pushed the prince onto the sand before retreating to some semi-submerged rocks to gaze at him. About 30 seconds later, Insulin's patience wore out and she barked at the eels.
"How much longer before he wakes up? Fast-forward it again."
JetTaz sighed but obediently did as his mistress commanded. Insulin continued to watch.

Antenna, bored of staring longingly at the unconscious cowboy-prince, was applying a second coat of nail varnish by the light of the rising sun, and therefore missed the impressive rousing of the object of his affection. He also missed the cowboy-prince wake up!
Standing up, facing the sun over the sea like a naked bronze statue, the prince stretched and yawned, giving Insulin more than an eyeful of his mighty salute to the sun. She was too engrossed in the spectacle to wonder when Antenna had removed all of his clothes, and what might have transpired when the de-robing occurred. What did recapture her attention, however, was the arrival of a young* woman on horseback.

"Howdy, ma'am" the cowboy-prince drawled, hastily covering his far-from-modest modesty with a couple of handfuls of seaweed. "I'm Prince Eros. My ship was was scuppered in the storm last night and... Well, I woke up here just now."
"Howdy, indeed" replied the woman, agog. She recovered enough to regain her composure. "Umm... I mean: Oh, how dreadful! I am Princess Ponita, the Ponygirl. We've been recovering your men through the night and feared you had drowned since no one had seen you after your ship went down. Here" she said, gesturing for Eros to mount behind her, "take me- I mean: Let me take you to our castle to rest and rejoin your men."
"Why, thank you, your highness." Prince Eros leapt up behind her, inadvertantly poking her in her back.
"We'll have none of that" Princess Ponita affected prudishly, but grinned salaciously to herself, her thoughts matching her grin!
It was at this moment that Antenna finished applying the nail varnish and happened to look up. What she he saw filled him with rage, so much so that he dived off the rocks and swam to the beach, shouting at the princess.
"Hey! What do you think you're doing? He's mine!"
"Yeah, sure, so why's he coming back to my place?" she yelled back.
"Probably because he's so stunned at your hideous leatherette dress that he lost all his senses!"

The two of them continued to trade thinly veiled insults and sarcasm over the shoreline.


And with that, Princess Ponita turned her horse and galloped up the beach, Prince Eros holding on, wondering just what he was letting himself in for.
Antenna stared after them in outrage. How dare that trollop steal away his man! And after all the effort he'd gone to to rescue the gorgeous prince. If only he hadn't been so intent on his make-up. The thought of it upset him and it wasn't long before the tears started. Sniffling, Antenna began to sing a mournful song, oblivious to a passing boat's crew flinging themselves overboard to drown rather than listen to any more:




Insulin watched all this intently, a plan forming in her mind as to how to obtain the studly prince for her houseboy collection.




To be continued...


* ish

9 comments:

  1. Yay*

    it's not that great a birthday present if I don't get the guy in the end...

    *ish

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  2. Ah, seaweed. Not only is it nutritious, it's also good for skin care and relaxation, esp after a stressful event like a ship sinking or a near drowning.

    I'm so glad to see there are so many helpful people in the Cusp. We Southerners have always welcomed the kindness of strangers.

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  3. What the hell is going on? I'm confused…

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  4. Ah, but 'Petra, you may already have had the guy!

    Eros: It's a good job that there was plenty of seaweed to hand *wink*

    Confused, Tim? Confused because you're not the studly prince for once?

    Mwah hah hah hah haa!




    Of course, we haven't got to part three yet...

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  5. their good eyes facing outward

    Ahhhaaaaaahaaaahaaaa!

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  6. But if he'd had me, he would have remembered.

    We Danes are no 9 on the list of best shags in the world.

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  7. their good eyes facing outward

    Comes back to chuckle again.

    Comedy gold.

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  8. I think I'll manage with not being the studly prince for once.

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  9. ***drumming fingers impatiently***
    Two instalments down AND NOT EVEN A FECKING WALK ON PART

    Les Dennis would't put up with this shite
    Harumph

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