Tuesday, 27 October 2009

Arial navigation solutions

I've found a solution to the temporary misplacement that I griped about in my last post: Portable crop circles!

Just position one of these specially grown trays of cress (of which only I hold the patent, so don't even think about stealing my idea) over the ley line of your choice, and the seedlings should form a navigational circle to facilitate an expedient journey.

The idea came to me after stories of Pewsey Ogg's watercress circle reached me. Sometimes the simplest solutions are the best. Although, there's not a lot of room for detail, so the 'circles can't give much information, but at least they'll get you home. Of course, one has to be able to 'read' crop circles first...


  1. The other week, at around 4am, nekkid and 'assuming the position' - head over toilet bowl and vomiting up the copious amounts of alcohol I'd glugged during the evening, I just happened to pebbledash the side of the bath.

    I only mention this because, in the resulting pattern (if you looked closely and very, very carefully) I noticed what appeared to be a clear and distinct star pattern.

    After consulting with a few charts available on the NASA site, I concluded that it was a message. A message from a galaxy far, far away. Sent by our soon to be arriving overlords.

    In the interests of public safety, I won't be revealing the second half of the message, which indicated the exact date, time and location of their introduction to humanity.

    I think you'll agree that this is much better than circles in tubs of cress.

    Yay! First! - for the first time in fucking ages.

  2. I wanted a sandwich after that lovely shot of cress, and then I read P&T's vomit comment

  3. That's not cress - that's clover.

    Why are you eating clover?

  4. I am too disturbed by Piggy's nekkid and 'assuming the position' imagery to comment.

  5. If the cress was any use , it would just grow in an arrow shape .

    Which end of Piggy 'pebbledashed' the bath , I only ask so I know exactly how disgusted to be

  6. The arse end.

    My head was in the toilet bowl. Each time I heaved the vomit up, I squirted what couold only be described as 'tar' from my arse.

    I really was quite an amazing thing.

    Once I'd finished, I just hopped back into bed - shitty arse and everything (I was very, very drunk remember).

    I was awoken at 8am by Tazzy, who informed me that there was shit all over the bathroom floor. Thankfully, it's that Flotex stuff, so it wiped off with only slightly energetic scrubbing.

    I can't really remember anything about it, so feel quite the innocent young thing.

    I should've taken pics.

  7. P&T (but mainly P): Yuck!

    I'm assuming these Overlords will run the world better than the current world leaders?

    Snooze: Vile, isn't he?

    Tim: Clover? What ever are you talking about? Next thing you'll be telling me is that it's Utterly Butterly.

    MJ: I think it's probably best that we don't encourage him.

    BEAST! Don't encourage him!

    Piggy: I've never read anything so disgusting. How Tazzy puts up with you, I don't know.

  8. I reckon...Taggy and Pissy...are talking shit.

  9. Kapi - In the instance I refer to, I can assure you it's very, very factual.

    And occurred only 2 weeks ago.

  10. The portable crop circle is a stroke of genius! And it's eco friendly!

    Now it's time to invent something for Piggy's problem--perhaps a portable Alcoholic Anonymous sponsor or maybe some incontinent briefs to fit his needs.

  11. I nominate Piggy for the most disgusting comment of 2009.

    Will someone second the motion?

  12. ****vomits***
    You can take that as a second to you motion Miss MJ

  13. Can you please stop saying 'motion'?

  14. Cunts.

    But it was all natural and organic!

  15. Kapi: No change there, then.

    Piggy: Only two weeks ago? Then you're due for another soon. aren't you?

    Eros: I don't know that there's are resistant enough substance to cope with Piggy's excretions.

    MJ: As Beast has seconded, I turd, sorry, third, the motion.

    BEAST: * hands over a bucket *

    Tim: Only if you stop causing such a commotion.

    Piggy: Then you should have done it in the garden!


Tickle my fancy, why don't you?