Friday, May 01, 2009

Beak Wars: Attack of the Clones

It appears that I am a Beaky magnet: I’ve only been living in Smug Towers New Castle DeVice for two months, yet I’m already being stalked, plagued even, by a new Beaky.

And his wife.

I’m of the opinion that this is either one of Beaky’s clones, or his offspring, sent to keep an eye on me.
So far, he hasn’t made any attempts on my life (or SP’s or Moom’s) but I’m not taking any chances: I’m putting out sultanas in an effort to bribe placate him. Luckily, my eardrums have been saved from copious bleeding as the new Mrs Beaky isn’t as shrill as the original, but that could change.

I do, however, have a horrible feeling of cold, clammy dread that the two of them are incubating a monstrous brood. I just hope that they haven’t been tasked with raising an army!

Watch this space.

13 comments:

  1. Perhaps these are the nice blackbird counterparts from the mirror universe. But just in case, I find that living next to an old lady who feeds stray cats has eliminated my bird problems. Of course, the trade off is, the old bitty will want to update you on her many medical conditions every time she sees you.

    If it's too much trouble to get an old bitty, just borrow a cat or two. What's the Beast of Exemoor up to these days?

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  2. You need to show them feathered freaks who's boss and get your retaliation in first.
    Have you never seen terminator ????

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  3. Watch this space.

    For how long?

    Another week?

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  4. Lace the sultanas with arsenic

    That'll teach them

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  5. Then eat them yourself.

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  6. Will there be pics when your eyes have been pecked out?

    Taken by someone else, obviously.

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  7. Check your email ya big fairy.

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  8. I am declaring an IVD Haiku competition
    Here goes
    Ahem
    ***Composes Onself***

    Lazy Lazy Lazy
    Lazy Lazy Lazy Lazy Lazy
    Smug Maried Lazy
    Lazy Lazy Lazy Lazy Lazy
    Lazy Lazy Lazy

    I thank you
    ***Takes bow***

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  9. I can't improve on Beast's haiku because frankly, it says it all.

    Email me before Friday you lazy bitch.

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  10. The haiku competition isn't going well :-(

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  11. I don't do haikus. Sorry.

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  12. It actually made me happy that this Beaky has a wife. Aw.

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