Monday 4 April 2022

A Very Special Bio-Hazard Warning

 Today is a special day.  At least, I think it is*, and so do one or two others (who have buggered off on holiday so I can't check with them to see if I'm remembering rightly).  So, just in case it is, in the absence of something dedicated specifically** for the date, may I present instead, the updated new Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Travel Map!

As with with many things in life, click to embigulate

 I'm sure Ms Scarlet must have managed to get to a post office by now, and that the Freakin Green Elf Shorts are winging their way to Mistress Maddie if, in fact, they are not gracing her shapely gams as I type!


* Or it could be 10 days hence?  Or some other date entirely.  My memory is unreliable at the best of times.  EDIT 6 April: I have just discovered that the day in question is on some other date, months from now.  Ah, well, at least it was an excuse to unveil the map!

** Such as a trip over the Cusp just like we didn't have for Ms Scarlet's birthday, or even my birthday, or even The Very Mistress's Sweet Sixteenth last month!

19 comments:

  1. Ms Scarlet has posted she is getting the shorts ready to be shipped, so my bits are still hanging bare and free....for now.

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    1. Dag Nabit! I thought as the Official Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Chronicler...that upon my move to the ancestral home, Ms Scarlet's parcel, to my dismay, and my move, has not deterred my receiving of said shorts.

      But knowing your DNA is in them made me feel, huh, well, cozy.

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    2. I'm sorry to report that the current FGES have not, in fact, graced my milk-white derrière 'for they are a clone of the original pair. Although, I'm there in spirit!

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  2. I am delighted to confirm that the shorts were posted to the US last Tuesday!!! Phew, am I relieved about that!! And something extra British was posted on Friday to go with them.
    So all the goodies should be arriving shortly (nice pun, though I say it myself) BUT it was supposed to be a surprise!!!
    Sxxx

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    1. I'm glad you no longer have to worry about the pressure of it all! We just got pressured to spend $3k worth of outdoor furniture so our friends can hang out with us more often. I suppose now they'll be wanting food and drinks while they sit on their asses. Hahaha

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    2. I'm sure The Short's leaping out of their packaging towards Maddie's hanging bits will be all the surprise she'll need, Ms Scarlet!

      You'll have to start charging for bums on seats to recoup your costs, Melanie. Or at least heckle for tips after you've served the food & drinks!

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    3. The amount of bodily secretions that have been festering on those things by now, they won't be "leaping" so much as "slithering" their way out of that packaging. Like something out of a Sci-Fi B-movie. Jx

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    4. Yes IDV, or at least BYOB (Bring yer own beer.) I don't want any complaints about what the house offers, they can take it up with the Complaint Department!

      Jon, Eww, those things aren't allowed to slither anywhere near me! Hahaha

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    5. And Jon. Why yes...they did slither out... of the most fabulous box I ever did see I might add. I think the box is worth more. Scarlet has good taste in shipping parcels.

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  3. Spectacularly good job of the map, Mr. DeVice.

    How do you manage to cram it all in?

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    1. Do you really want to know ?

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    2. Thank you, Very Mistress!

      And Mago's on to something: a lady never tells!

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  4. Speaking as a dog I'm glad I'm free of strange clothes. However if you were to do this without discriminating against the Hound in your midst we could do it with a Doggy Diaper? 🧷

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    1. I'm sure the FGES would fit over your hind quarters a treat, Hound! Gods know that whatever you might leave in them will certainly not detract from whatever's already soaked in and smeared over the gusset...

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  5. Very informative map of the FGES travels. Reminds me solving a crime.

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    1. Thank you, Mr Lisleman. And the FGES are a crime!

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  6. In case you missed it IDV, two blokes want to talk to you on the phone.

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    1. Ah, thank you, Mago. Unfortunately, I did not miss their call - their conversation was almost as loud as their knitware!

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