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THE Devil is flattered you imagine he can still afford designer clothing in this economy, but says you are sadly mistaken.
The decline of Hell as a major financial power means the original Prince of Darkness no longer sports an expensive wardrobe, mostly turning to Primark or H&M for his essentials.
He sighed: “You have to remember, the last film came out in 2006, pre-credit crunch. I was no sooner getting my infernal paycheck than I was blowing it all on Chanel and Louis Vuitton. The film’s title was entirely accurate.
“But two decades of economic turmoil later on? After austerity, Brexit, Trump, bloody Covid? My days of swinging by Alexander McQueen are long gone. It’s all I can do to keep myself shod.
“We’re all tightening our belts, even in the abyss. I’ve had to take a pay cut to keep the demonic horde happy. I can’t be swanning into meetings in box-fresh Balenciaga. It’s Matalan, Shoe Zone and Sports Direct, which has multiple branches down here.
“But the upcoming death toll we’re forecasting for humanity’s Q4 will really boost our turnover and I’m hoping to attract the big names to set up down here. Then maybe I’ll be able to get these cloven hoofs in Louboutins again.
“For now? I’m in Primark underpants. Honestly, I’ve had thicker and more durable loo roll.”
Of course.
I know you have posted! I will come back after Charmaine has served me my dinner!
ReplyDeleteSx
I hope it was something nice. Charmaine onlt served it, right? She didn't make it, did she?!?
DeleteWell done, Mr Devine!
ReplyDeleteSports Direct with multiple branches in hell! Crikey, I’d better start saying my prayers then.
Sx
P.S I will have to miss posting today as I’ve had one of those days where simple things end up taking forever.
Thank you, Ms Scarlet!
DeleteHell is more than welcome to Sports Direct. Although, before all branches are moved to Hell, I must spend my hard won voucher (following a very long, protracted "war" with their so called "customer service" dept.).
P.S. Don't worry about missing today, but be ready to step in on Thursday - and maybe Friday - as I don't have anything prepared yet. (I've got a post done for tomorrow which should auto-publish at midday.)
Simple things taking forever seem to be most of what I do these days. I hope yours was only a one off.
P.P.S. Mr Tonking has published today too, but the new post is not showing up on my Sideboard.
DeleteThat is very strange as your latest post did show up on my Blogger sideboard. No rhyme or reason!
DeleteSx
Me neither
ReplyDeleteAh, then that was you saw in H&M the other day!
DeleteI mean, I was walking past and just happened to glance inside. I wasn't actually in there myself, of course.
Ahem.
*shudders* at Sport's Direct
ReplyDeleteOnly a shudder, dear Mitzi? I was thinking something along the lines of Veronica Cartwright's cherry stone related displeasure at Cher, Susan Sarandon, and Michelle Pfeiffer's antics in The Witches of Eastwick.
Deletei WAS JUST THINKING OF wITCHES OF eASTWICK
DeleteOw! My tympanic membrane again!
DeleteI wonder how close the Devil is to having to wear Crocs, sweetpea??? xoxo
ReplyDeleteClose? I believe the Devil invented them!
DeleteLove it! The Daily Mash at its very best. “I’m in Primark underpants. Honestly, I’ve had thicker and more durable loo roll.” Says it all. really... Jx
ReplyDeleteGood old Daily Mash! Just right for a quick-n-easy post - and always funny, witty and amusing.
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