Should anyone have been off-planet this past week, please be aware that the
Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition
is now on over at Ms Scarlet's place!
The artfully put together scene above (complete with new sofa - Ms Scarlet has spared no expense!) is what you have to work with. All you need to do is visit Ms Scarlet's FGES blog post, leave a cunning caption (or twelve) and cross your fingers that it's amusing enough to win.
If you are that fortunate winner, Ms Scarlet will package up the 'Shorts and send them your way so you can hold a caption competition of your own and send them on to your winner. The Freakin Green Elf Short's quest for world domination (not to be confused with The Very Mistress's World Domination Tours) is in your hands arse/nether regions!
The 'Shorts need to be removed from Ms Scarlet's clutches and away from this green and pleasant brown and muddy land forthwith, as the effects of a second bout of Post-Shorts Syndrome are only going to be more prolonged and difficult to treat the longer she holds on to them. As Hunter Elf Thompson (from Fear and Loathing in the Loo) once said, "There is nothing in the world more helpless and irresponsible and depraved than a [wo]man in the depths of a polyester binge." (Thank you for the quote, Rimpy)
Second-hand polyester touching my delicate nether regions? Not likely - its an "elf'n'safety" hazard! Boom-tish. Jx
ReplyDeleteFnar, fnar!
DeletePolyester aside, I would have thought you'd enjoy a second (or even third) hand on your "delicate nether regions"?
I think we all might enjoy placing our delicate nether regions on Miss Scarlet's soft and furry sofa. And it blends nicely with dog hair.
DeleteIt sooo does, Ms Mistress!!! All the soft furnishings and jumpers that I buy blend with dog hair!
DeleteSx
Oh great, next time at Scarlets, I'll be wondering if I'm petting the dog or Ms Scarlet.
DeleteWow, the map! Keeping track of all it's travel like that! As it was "near Seattle, Washington U.S.A. before Scarlet with AlpoJones, I think it need not come back around this way any time soon. It's nothing but calamity around where the shorts would be at risk of floating down a flooded river or buried in the snow. Perhaps a Black Bear would get stuck in them in an attempt use it as a head warmer.
ReplyDeleteAhem, for the sake of my beautiful bear friends, I shall not participate in any seriousness. I look forward to providing a polite golf clap to whoever the lucky victim, er, person is.
The 'Shorts would just be an EXTRA calamity! But never mind that, I think you should have a go at winning them. And I wouldn't worry about the bears - one sniff at the crotch and no bear is going to be trying to put its head in them!
DeleteI myself wonder why there isn't a Freakin' Green Elf Jock Strap? It would be more conducive to my cakes.
ReplyDeleteNow there's an idea... And I see The Very Mistress has already come up with a concept.
DeleteMaddie put the idea into my head. I just HAD to run with it.
DeletegOSH! it/s hard.trYING TWO tYpe wit m FINGErS CROSSED oveR.
ReplyDeleteOO SOD it...i'll just go lower casw\e. hard to type while me fingers are crossed against winning.
But I do wish you all well in this ridiculous slice of blog nonsense.
If you have a couple of glasses of wine (or six) first, it cancels out the haphazardness caused by crossed-fingers!
DeleteCrikey - I thought I was crowning the winner on the 15th, so thank you for the reminder. Savvy has entered the fray! Are the shorts destined for stardom in LA????
ReplyDeleteSx
Savvy could have her picture taken wearing The Shorts and replace Angelyne, the Billboard Queen.
DeleteAnd she needs replacing tout suite, have you seen what she looks like now at 70?
DeleteOh, you are correct (of course) Ms Scarlet. Saturday is the 15th - I'll just amend the post accordingly.
Delete"Ha! War on Christmas? Here's your friggin' war on Christmas! Take that you whiney bastards!"
ReplyDeleteExcellent! Now all you have to do is leave it at Ms Scarlet's - or I will do it for you, Mr Tonking!
DeleteJesus Christ, are those rancid old things still doing the rounds!?
ReplyDeleteWell, actually, this pair are a clone concocted by Queen of the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts, Andrea Knapp - but they've already seen the gusset areas of three of the Blogorati, and are about to see their fourth.
DeleteSuch a shame you didn't get to Ms Scarlet's in time - we all know you'd LOVE those polyester pests gracing your thighs and bum. Perhaps you can try and win them off Maddie when she holds the next compo?
Or perhaps I can just look on in horror?
DeleteAhah hah hah hah hah haaa! Oh, you are funny!
Delete(The FGES have never been to Wales, you know?)
Is it safe now to come out of the woods ?
ReplyDeleteWhen the FGES are active - even if on a different landmass - it is never safe, Mago.
DeleteI just noticed the new banner at the top! I like it, but it looks slightly inebriated or is it supposed to be spooky? Spooky season has come and gone they'll say, but I'm spooky at heart, so it's a year-round thing for me. Hahaha You too?
ReplyDeleteOf course for me too!
DeleteOh, you mean the spookiness, not the inebriation. Ah. Um...