An Evening Out

 I toddled off to Cromer for an evening out with a few friends last night.  It's not really post-worthy as nothing much happened, but I did get a few nice sunset snaps from the pier where we had our first couple of drinks.

 

Cloudbusting

 Yesterday was the first clear-skyed day for some time, and the last chance to see C/2023 A3, otherwise known as Comet Tsuchinshan-ATLAS or Comet A3, for 80,000 years.  An occasion such as that warranted leaving work early and hightailing it home in order to witness said comet, so I did.

 Having miscalculated the amount of time required to get home, take Bitey out for his evening "movement", and then wander up Madam's Lane with Camera and Tripod, I set out with all three - getting hotter and hotter as I neared Madam's Lane (it had been a VERY warm day for the time of year).

 Once I'd trudged up the not-very-steep-or-very-high Toll's Hill to the Nightship stop (very near boiling point), I gazed around the points of the compass, marvelling at the beautifully clear skies above and to the North, the East, and the South.  And there to the West was my target - obscured behind the only clouds in the sky.  Drat!

The view west from the Nightship stop looking out over Toll's Hill and not seeing any comets.

Where was Kate Bush when I needed her?

 Not wanting to have a completely wasted trip, I thought I'd take some photos of the stars coming out in the west.  But that was scuppered by the Moon which was massive and brilliant, totally obscuring the stars in Camera's sights.  Bah!

 Still, I did inadvertantly get a shot of the light from Cromer lighthouse:

Not the Aurora Borealis

 On Friday the 10th of May this year the Aurora Borealis was particularly spectacular over Great Britain (and other parts of the world) and no end of people witnessed its awesome show and captured photographic images for posterity.  I was not one of those people because I had no idea such an event was taking place until the next morning when it was too late.  Fortunately, it was scheduled* to put on an encore performance that night as well, although it wasn't expected to be quite so spectacular.  This performance suited me because I was to be at my sister's down the road for an evening of cards and gin with a couple of friends and my other sister, so by the time we finished, I could just step outside and see it all going on in the sky above.  Hooray!

 

 Except I didn't see it because the performance was cancelled!  Although I didn't find that out until we'd already staggered wandered down to the cliff top and stood around taking photos of the sky just in case we were too drunk (and in my case, too colourblind as well) to see it.  Apparently the cancellation was something to do with a curtain malfunction or blown light bulb or something according to the conductor of the Nightship (which appeared rather disconcertingly - and in a cloud of noxious fumes from its malfunctioning catlitter converter - right next to where I'd set up Camera & Tripod.  If I hadn't had that last G&T I'm sure I would have noticed the stop).  Bah! 

 

 Anyway, despite that disappointment, I managed to get something out of the experience: some fuzzy photos of a few of the brighter stars:

 The night air was a bit hazy, so these photos are not as clear as my previous efforts. 

 This is made all the more obvious by comparing poor Capella and Polaris - the brightest stars of their respective constellations, Auriga and Ursa Minor - with how they looked just over three years ago on a clear, cold April night. 

Berenice Bobs Her Hair

 You'd better turn your lights off to best view the photos in this post (except for the final two)...

 Yes, it's back to snaps of the stars courtesy of my paparazzi telephoto lens "Starry Night" setting on Camera.  I can tell that you're all just thrilled!  After all, we haven't had one of these since mid-February's Blogorati Stars post.  And this post features brand new photos taken from Hexenhäusli Device's backgarden on 7th April!  How we spoil you.

 Actually, I don't really know what I'm doing with these photos.  I started off with an attempt to get the constellation of Camelopardalis looking more like a giraffe (for that it what it's supposed to be) rather than a clothes horse (which is what it looks like in my Universe book - and pretty much everywhere else).  I think I was relatively successful?  Then I had a go at Cassiopeia and Perseus, but gave up with Auriga as I couldn't stop giving him (although I think he looks like a her in the book) a fat bottom.

Sleeping With the Enemy

  Oof!  Here I am!

  Apologies for taking off without leaving a note.  I thought I had, but by the time I realised I hadn't it was too late to go back in time to ensure that I had because there isn't one now.  And there would be one if there had been time.  Which there wasn't, otherwise I wouldn't be telling you this.

  Anyway...  Back to the post at hand.

  Despite what the title implies-

I think the Host came up with it?

  Don't look at me!

Well, your irritating little SubC, then.

How very dare y-  Oh.  Actually, it was me.

  Anyway...  Despite what the title implies - whoever came up with it - I was not sleeping with the enemy.  I was sleeping with the Monster Under the Bed.*  Well, not in that sense - I was on top. 
  Which makes it sound like I was sleeping with it in that way.  I wasn't.  By "on top" I mean I was on the bed, while the monster was under it, as is traditional in these matters.
  Anyway, its gone now.  I managed to get it on the NightShip a couple of evenings ago.  I've been clearing up the drool and half-eaten carcasses from under my bed ever since, which is partly why I haven't been around lately.

The Monster Under the Bed
Awwww... Just look at its cute little chitinous claws, and those adorable, puppy-dog-eating eyes!

::

  Plus, I have been caught in a downpour of ideas, so it may be another a few days before I shake them all off and pin them down.  They're mostly Star Trek ideas, so nothing you'd be interested in, I'm sure.
  Although, there is that Panto to see to...


* A refugee from Hallowe'en...

Exasperated by Equine Escapades

 Le sigh...  I knew it was too good to last.  Having not had one for a while, since the end of April I've been irked by a recent spate of "One Of Those Days"...


Thursday 25th April 09:30 - I got soaked while freeing some hippocampi (aka white horses) trapped in the revetments on Overstrand beach.

Saturday 27th April 10:02 - In the presence of my nieces, my big gobbed distant cousin, Svaathor da Vjis, blurted out that his nephew's daughter, Calreed, had a unicorn at her recent birthday party.  So, guess who had to arrange for The Little Witch and Vom Smallhausen to have one at their party. The. Very. Next. Day!  (I should have kept that one I found lurking in my shed a few years back)
 Still, it wasn't all that bad, as it gave me an excuse to meet up with the exceedingly hot Gathiir (the Ipotane nephew of Svaathor), to find out where he managed to acquire a unicorn. 

Sunday 28th April 15:24 - After The Little Witch and Vom Smallhausen's party, I found myself walking down Overstrand High Street with the unicorn in tow, taking it back to the pick-up point at the Nightship stop.
 I was so embarassed.  It kept farting rainbows.

Tuesday 7th May 19:01 - Getting out of Car as I parked up outside the DeVice Mansion, I was unceremoniously kicked in the back of my head by a pegasus as it came in for a landing.  Luckily, it was only a glancing blow, but I still saw stars.  It had been sent by Svaathor to drop off Camera that I'd inadvertantly left at his place the evening before.

This morning 05:29 - Woken up far too early by the wind whistling through the horn of an errant Shâd'havâr.  Quite what it was doing on the lawn under my bedroom window, I don't know.  Luckily, that cock pheasant took a disliking to it, and chased it off down the road, leaving me to return to the land of nod for another hour or so.

::

More far-fetched phenomena can be found here:

Wanton for Well-Built Warlocks
Maddened by Mischievous Monsters
Harried by Hair-Raising Hunks
Persecuted by Preposterous Pests
A Sequence of Unpalatable Events

Landscapes Beyond the End-of-the-Line

A Southern Hawker dragonfly from Thursday afternoon
(please ignore the bird poo)

 Beyond the End-of-the-Line, as I'm sure you're aware by now, lies a Cusp interface through which one may access quite a variety of lands.  The Kingdom of the Crab People, the Chalk Rafts of Verstrandt, the last NightShip stop, to name but a few.
 Unfortunately, Thursday's jaunt past the End-of-the-Line led only to the sticky, yet slippery (but quite dramatic) clay strata of Sidestrand…
 First though is a visitor to Château DeVice's bird shit festooned garden, and a couple of photos from a very rough Monday morning: 

::

 The following photos are from Thursday morning:

Hmmm... Must remember to clean Camera's lens...

At the Other End of the Line

Just ignore Cutie-Pie up there (last seen here) -
she's trying to lull you into a false sense of security

 Beyond the End-of-the-Line, past the Kingdom of the Crab People and the Chalk Rafts of Verstrandt, and even further on than the final stop of the NightShip, lies a realm where science is scorned, magic is an annoyance, and reality is something that happens to other people.

 Yes!  Join me on yesterday's journey to the Other-End-of-the-Line!

::

What is this trickery?  A cliff face and its mini-me?  It can only occur beyond...

… the End-of-the Line!

Kelly Watch The Stars

 Last Friday night I broke with tradition and went out.  And didn't get back to the comforting embrace of Château DeVice and into bed until almost the Witching Hour!
 Have no fear, though.  I wasn't out on the lash or terrorising the neighbourhood as I might once have done in my yoof.  No, making the most of the first clear late evening/early night sky in what feels like months, I wandered up Madam's Lane (not a euphemism) with Camera and took some photos as the stars came out.
 As it was too dark to use Camera's panoramic function, I had to resort to sticking two photos together to get these wider shots spanning two compass points.  Apologies for the rather noticeable join lines - I'm sure there must be some sort of software for smoothing them out, but that would entail me knowing about such things and being able to use it!  Oh, and another thing: apart from the labelled photos, I haven't engaged in any editing/brightening jiggery-pokery with these images - they are just as they came out of Camera (which is why the stars are so dim).

From left to right, this is the view West to North at just gone 10pm (not long after the sun had set).  As there was still plenty of light, I only set Camera's exposure time to 15 seconds rather than the usual 30 for night sky shots.

Above we have the view East to South over the fields. Delphinus is slap bang in the middle of the left side, but so faint as to be barely noticeable. Altair, the primary star of the constellation Aquila however, is very noticeable right in the centre of the whole image.

Slippage

I've always liked the look of Scots Pines
These few (centre) just East of Sidestrand Church
always garner a second glance

  I went out for a walk on Thursday morning, intending only to go as far as the top of Tower Lane in Sidestrand and look out along the cliffs.  However, there looked to be rather less cliff top than when I was last up here, so I continued walking to see how much had slipped down onto the beach.  Before I knew it, I was in Trimingham.
  Needless to say, I took a load of photographs (many of them quite appalling due to the bright sunshine - Camera doesn't seem to do so well in direct sunlight), some of which almost match up to those I took back in July for the August Clifftop Calamities posts.  For your convenience, below, I have posted Thursday's photos with their corresponding July shots beneath them so you can contrast and compare.  Even if I hadn't pointed out which is which, you can easily tell because the July shots are the ones full of cloud, as is typical of a Great British Summer.

At the top of Tower Lane looking back towards Overstrand
Despite being the middle of Winter, it doesn't look bad

Almost the same shot from mid-Summer

~:~

Is There Somebody at the Door?

◁◁DING DONG▷▷  ◁◁DING DONG▷▷

Clearly there is.

Hang on!  Hang on.  I'm coming...

*click*   {{CREEEEEEEEEAK}}

Hel-  Yikes!

 Oh.  Hello Hercules.  Mind your lyre on the door frame as you come in.  And I expect you'd better bring your swan in, too, as there's a hungry-looking dragon and a fox loitering in the driveway.  Not to mention that creepy Tripod lurking on the corner near the Nightship stop...

This Tripod is a perv - it peers through the window of the Smallest Room

::

 For those who need to know, this is how the view from my front door looked before my eyes had adjusted to the dark:

What awaits you when you open your front doors?

The Stars Are Coming Out Tonight*

  I said I was "going to map out the constellations and try to get Camera to take longer exposure photographs", and I did!  Well, I managed to do half of it.  Kind of...
  While I couldn't find any way to take a longer-than-30-seconds exposure photo, I did start mapping out the constellations.  And bugger me it's difficult!  I had to brighten the photos even more (and mess around with the contrast, which left the stars surrounded by rectangular pixellated halos), and pore through books, star charts, and the interwebs to make sure I'd got the right stars in the right place.  And even now I'm not sure that I have.  
  Oh, and I also found out that the two non-Orion photos in the previous post are upside down (depending on where you stand and which way you're facing...).

  Anyway, the following are photos I took on 6th January - the last clear night here (it's been overcast, misty, and down right murky ever since).   

The photo on the left is the original,  unadulterated 30 sec exposure shot; the one on the right is after I'd buggered around with the brightness and contrast sliders on Computron.

  Here's Orion over the scary house on the cliff again.  The glow isn't from the scary house though, no, it's from a bloody Nightship stop!  Somehow, I was unaware that Overstrand was serviced by the Nightship.  I didn't think the village entertained enough of the usual sort who'd use such a method of transportation?  Although, it would explain some of the raucousness that goes on outside my bedroom window some nights...

An ill wind

Firstly, apologies for my unnotified absence. I would have posted earlier but I was rather vexingly detained on my way back from Tartarus. I'd 'misplaced' my paperwork you see, and almost became a permanent 'resident' what with being a little bit undead.

Anyway, the delay meant that I only just managed to keep ahead of the windstorm that was heading towards home. I really need to get a new, faster broom...


"This is IDV turning on final. Coming around to a seven-zero-niner. Terminal guidance locked in. Where's the damn beacon?*" Then I saw it emerge from the low cloud ceiling. From the twilight haze ahead, the distant city landing beacons became visible and the disembodied voice of the air traffic controller echoed in my head.

"That's a negative, IDV. We've got several nannies primed for dust-off."

"What?!"

"We're expecting an imminent wind change. The met. tower has checked and verified."

I swore under my breath. "Bugger." This is why I hated coming in late ahead of a prevailing wind.

"Please join the stack until the nannies are clear."

I sighed and directed Broom into a holding pattern above the other circling airspace users. Peering down, I noticed a couple of other witches near the bottom of the stack, the nightship above them, a druid atop a surprisingly manoeuverable megalith** and, directly beneath me, Dragon. She waved and grinned, baring far too many teeth for my liking. I smiled insincerely back at her. At that moment, the air traffic controller cut in again:

"Here comes the wind change now. Stand by for some chop."

From the city below, movement caught my eye. Ascending from the big houses were dozens of prim nannies hanging beneath umbrellas and parasols, looking for all the world like seeds blown from a dandelion clock. Much as I loathed waiting in a stack like any of your common or garden arial entities, the sight of that many airborne nannies was truly something to behold. However, my awe was about to be rudely interrupted.

* PHHHHHHAAAAAAAAARRRRRRPBT! *

"Good. Gods!" I exclaimed as a cloud of noxious fumes arose from below me. I covered my nose and looking down to see Dragon looking sheepish. "What ever have you been eating?"

Dragon looked even more abashed.

"Oh no, not those fat kids from the council estate? I told you fast food was bad for you. And just think of your cholesterol levels!"



* Snaps to whomever guesses the film that this line is taken from.
** Well, how do you think they transport all those stones to make henges?

Shipping Hell!

The NightShip Express from Norwich International Scareport* barely lifted off last night.

How do I know?

Because the bloody great thing passed through my bedroom, that's how. Obviously not the whole thing as it's far too big. No, just the keel and a few portholes. Thankfully, the exhaust passed by on the other side otherwise I'd have asphyxiated!

I've a good mind to write a strongly worded letter to the authorities! After all, not all the denizens of this Mortal Realm are... Well, mere mortals! Some of us exist on the Cusp and can therefore interact with, and be interacted with, the Other Realm dwellers. Luckily, I tend to sleep here in the Mortal Realm while in The Host, otherwise we could have been squished!

In fact, I may have to erect some sort of Air Traffic Control Tower here at Castle DeVice in case this happens again. Normally, the NightShip passes a couple of hundred feet above my tallest turret, but if it's overloaded again (which I assume was the reason for its low altitude last night), I'd like some sort of proximity warning. Hmmm... Thinking about it, an ATCT would be very useful as I seem to live below the flightpath of various airbourne articles: Swans, hot air balloons, light aircraft, the NightShip and Beaky.

I'll look into it tomorrow...



* A highly unoriginal name, I know. But that's what you get if you spend millions on a rebranding exercise. Stupid authorities!

Witch mode of transport?

That's it! Dar Kart's had Broom quite long enough. I'm sick of the loaned umbrella for otherworldly transport. If only Car could traverse the other realms. I bet this one could...




"Hat!" I commanded to my witches hat as it clung to the wall, humming to itself like a neural parasite. It subserviently released its grip and flew over to me, landing gently on me before extending its point.

"Brolly!" The loaned umbrella reluctantly pirouetted across the floor until its handle rested in my outstretched hand.

"We're going to fetch Broom" I informed it. It shook a little and whined. "No, I'm only flying you as far as the NightShip stop. Hanging beneath you may be OK for the likes of Poppins, but it's not OK with me. It's undignified."

And with that I stepped out of the door, locked it behind me, walked down the back passage to the patio and opened the umbrella. A quick glance around confirmed that none of the neighbours were around, or peering out of their windows. I gritted my teeth and hissed "Come on, then. Let's get this over with."

Rather grudgingly, I had to admit that lift off was a lot more sedate than on Broom. But, still, hanging from one's mode of transport just looks daft. I was cringing all the way to the NightShip stop on Mousehold Heath.

Red

Even after swearing that I'd never use the vile method of public transport again, I found myself aboard the NightShip. Thankfully, it wasn't a long journey from Londinium, relatively speaking, to Norwich.

On the way back, I'd got talking to a very nice young man called Marcus. Rawr! He's a total fox.

Well, not a total fox, a werefox, in fact.



He accidently stepped on the hem of my cloak almost garotting me. I turned to give him the Evil Eye (it was oozing in my pocket and I just wanted rid of it) and became rooted to the spot. Not only because he was still standing on my cloak, but because of his beauty. I'm surprised I didn't dribble.

Anyway, we got talking and it turned out he's a tree surgeon. I just happened to mention my cherry* and he, very obligingly, said he'd come over and see to it.

The NightShip stopped at Mousehold and we made to disembark. I glared at the red rubber clad ticket inspecting harlot and she gave me evils back. Marcus made as if to talk to her, but she spun on her heel, totally blanking him in favour of pushing an elderly demon down the gangplank.

On the dock, as the Nightship faded into the distance a bit sooner than normal physics allowed, I asked Marcus about the blanking. He replied:





to be continued...





* Tree. Cherry tree.

Night Blight

A bouquet of stenchblossom and crapweed was thrust into my face as the blue haired minor deity wielding it leaned over to placate her spiky-headed monster offspring with a packet of scumdrops. Nuffy began systematically biting the heads off the flowers as they swung by him. Once the bouquet was thoroughly marmalised, I backed up as far as I could without coming into contact with the ghoul leaning against the inner hull of the Nightship's lower passenger compartment.

Wasn't there a first-class passenger lounge on this thing?

Standing on tippy-toes, I spied a cunningly calligraphed sign that directed those in-the-know to the upper levels. The majority of the gathered proletariat masses wouldn't be able to understand the script and curliques employed, so they'd just ignore it for fancy artwork.

I barged my way through the commoners, wincing with every heathen contact, until I reached one of the spiral staircases in the centre of the deck. Swishing my cloak around myself imperiously, I ascended gracefully. From the corner of my eye, I could see Nuffy glaring daggers at the multitudes we had left, wallowing in their own filth beneath us. It looked like they were wallowing in some of Nuffy's filth, too, unless those pellets rolling about on the deck were actually M&Ms...

I smiled to myself smugly.

At the top of the stairs I showed my credentials to the guard - a surly teenage girl in a red rubber hooded mask, knee high wolf-skin boots and little else. Sneering faintly at her sluttish get-up, I made my way out to the observation deck at the prow of the 'ship, my cloak streaming out behind me.

A flock of sword swallows flew alongside and in front of the 'ship, dipping and weaving like dolphins riding the bow-wave of a marine vessel. Amongst the swallows I noticed a couple of gaggers, too. As I stared into the roiling mists the 'ship was cutting a swathe through, one of the gaggers spat up. The slimy ejecta rocketted backwards and splattered over my blouse shirt and trousers.

My wedding outfit was ruined! There was no way that was coming out - Sputum is such a persistant stain.




Bugger.

Night Fright

I wouldn't normally do this kind of thing, but I'd had a couple of glasses of wine and had to get to an emergency wedding* in a hurry. I couldn't pilot Broom or Car in my semi inebriated state - Car would've been useless anyway, as it still hasn't learnt to traverse Other Realms. So, I had to acquiesce to the only other option open to me.

I took the Nightship.

I hadn't used one in a few centuries, so I only had partial memories of this particular variety of public transport. I must admit, the 'ship looked so majestic as it faded in from middle distance. Its running lights twinkled against the sleek, sculpted, black wooden hull. Then the docking beams blazed into life, searching for the mooring points at the stop on Mousehold Heath - the nearest stop to where I live. The 'ship slowed to a stop, vents opening in the lower hull. The other two denizens of the night were covering their noses - Well, the sinister-looking old lady had hers swamped by a huge lacy handkerchief, but the demon only had three of its four noses covered by its only three hands. It looked beseechingly at the old lady, who rolled her eyes before putting the torch-thing she held in her left hand in her bag, then she grimaced as she gingerly pinched the demon's nostrils shut on its fourth nose. It looked at her gratefully, but she just sighed and turned the other way.

What were they doin -

PHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRBTBBTTBTBTTBBTTBTH!

Eeep! I'd forgotten about the smell! I managed to bury my nose and mouth into the cloak in the crook of my arm before the dense brown-black smog from the vents assaulted my delicate nostrils. I even depowered my Clairalience, just to be on the safe side. However, even through the thick fabric of my cloak, I could smell the fumes.

Peeeeewwwwwwww!

The Hellish sulphur I can just about stand - after all, I'm in Hell so often that I've got used to it - but it's the fuel that makes me gag. That spewgusting stench of burning Horlicks mixed with sugar free cola (Pepsi Max and Coke Zero, I'm looking at you!) really turns my stomach. And when it passes through the Nightship's catlitter convertors... Oog! Aack! It gives me the dry heaves!

Anyway, my poor familiar. No, not Beaky. The current one, Gitface Nuffy. He's so close to the ground - where the fumes are worse - that the poor little sod nearly got asphyxiated. In the end, I took pity on him and let him sit on my shoulder until we boarded.



* Don't ask.