The Year of the Lazy Baggage*

* No.  Not that one this time.  It's IWeMeUs!

 That's right, We are the Lazy Baggage in question.  I'm sure you can't have failed to notice a glut of lazyitis in the vicinity of Hexenhäusli Device this year?  In fact, I'm so lazy that I can't even be bothered to come up with an excuse think of the reason for not actually blogging that much.  I'm sure there was one, though...

 As luck would have it, a certain someone's penchant for Monday GIFs has come in handy as this one from January illustrates the horror and despair I felt upon opening this draft post and realising that it was so unfinished as to be barely started!

 Look, we haven't got time to appear terrified-yet-glamorous while trotting about in the garden encrusted in jewels and wearing something far too skimpy for this time of year!  We've got to try and remember what happened this year, then wrap it up and bundle it in the back of the sideboard so that the New Year can start on time!

 Oh, cripes.  We'd better get on with it, then.  It's a good job that everyone else has been quite productive:

January

Event : After years and years and years of deliberation, cogitation, and waiting for just the right moment, Ms Scarlet banished her FGES anxiety and launched the New Year by holding the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

Rimpy's sigh of relief could be heard across the globe...

 Two weeks later, Maddie, the Mistress Borghese, won the competition and became the 28th person to become inflicted with the 'Shorts!

 

 And two weeks after that, Ms Scarlet prepares herself to go through Post Shorts Syndrome...

 

Discovery : I was almost beside myself when I discovered a modern, live-action clip from one of my favourite 80s cartoons - Dungeons and Dragons!

 My excitement was dulled somewhat when I realised that it was from a Brazilian Renault advert, but I still live in hope of a car-less reboot (fan-edited English language version here).

February

Quotes : "An erect stud at 16 hands is something to behold and rather terrifying I must say!", and...

"Julian fingering Fanny's lip"*

1983 Bantam Books cover

by Yvonne Gilbert

 It's almost the end of the year, so here are most of the things I've read, watched and listened to since my last update back in September.  Unfortunately, I don't have much time to spend on this as I need all the time I can get to work on the end-of-year roundup - which I've barely begun - Eeeek! (The observant amongst you will notice that I copied this intro from last year's end-of-year update because it's still relevant.)

 

Read

Oh, gods, it's been a year and I'm still struggling through Little, Big by John Crowley.  And I haven't even re-read anything either!  We'd better quickly move on to the next category...

Watched

⸰ The Vast of Night (Prime Video) - I could not make out what the male lead was saying for much of this alien abduction film.  His accent and specific 50s dialogue combined to become almost impenetrable to me.

⸰ Star Trek: Lower Decks, S3 eps 7-10 (Prime Video) - Amazing! The finale was so exhilarating, but rather than post a video of that and ruin it for anyone who may want to watch it without spoilers, here is a clip from an earlier episode.

 

"Thanks again for the mimosas."

Frost and Fungi

 Inspired by Melanie's latest Nature-Led mushroom free-for-all - and also because I had loads of photos to use up that didn't make the cut, and have nothing else ready to publish - here are some fungi photos from the last couple of months:

 

A broken & blurry specimen from my allotment on 11th October:

 

A little nubbin of a toadstool by the front garden fence (from 20th October):

 

 

The following fungi were all from a walk around Blickling Hall grounds on 22nd October:

 

CHOKING HAZARD - No Small Parts

 Brace yourselves: This is a self-indulgent dumping ground for my latest Star Trek fan art, so either nod & smile until you get to the end, or just click away now and wait until I post something more interesting (athough that could take a while...)

 

 Diving straight in, here is the result from August's 'bonus photo' in my Cloud Mouth post: August's Art Challenge: "Hailing Frequencies Closed" (in honour of the dearly departed Nichelle Nichols at the end of July)

 

 

➣

 

 I had an idea for September's "TOS Anniversary" Art Challenge theme - the Ardanan floating city, Stratos.  That didn't pan out - the sketch on the right is as far as I got - so I ended up submitting a sculpture-type thing of the TOS operations & engineering insignia instead.  I cobbled it together from old, broken & seaworn roof tiles on a wander down to the beach to blow away the frustration that Stratos had built up.

The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event 2022 Finale

The

 

I N F O M A N I A C

 

Garden Photos Event

 

2022 Finale

 Oh!  You're all here already!  I wasn't expecting you so soon.  I was just dismissing the Official Hexenhäusli Device Woodsman.  He won't be long - he's just wiping off the excitement of having tended to my wood...

 

 While he sorts himself out, why not have a scroll through this round-up of 2022's Garden Photos Event?

☙❧

 

Programme of Events

 

Monday, 31st October

Terrifying Triffidery: The Orangery of 'orror!

 

Tuesday, 1st November

The 2022 Infomaniac Garden Photos Event kicks off with dandelions and ducks

 (well, a duck, anyway)

 

GPE #9 : IDV's Fruity Goings On

My favourite fuchsia: Blacky

 

I N E X P L I C A B L E   D E V I C E' S

Divided Loyalties

 I didn't spend as much time in - or any money on, I've just realised - my garden this year, mainly because it was either occupied by The Parents or was far too hot!  So, this year's garden photos aren't really any different to last years - although there are one or two exceptions, of course.  In fact, I felt much more excited about my allotment, even though it's more work (despite never looking much like any work has been done on it at all!).  So, because I couldn't decide between them, just like with Mr Tonking's Garden Photos Event tour, mine is also divided into two: my allotment, and some snaps from the Hexenhäusli Device garden. 

 

 First, the allotment through the seasons:

 

April

 

After a bit of a tidy up and some digging

Apple blossom from later in the month

GPE #8 : UptonKing Does Double Duty

M R  T O N K I N G' S

 

Marigolds!

 

 

Hurrah!  At last we get to see UptonKing's oft mentioned marigolds!

 

So, there is a story to go with this.

You see, several years ago, we hired a contractor who was to build steps over some crumbling steps at the rental The Boyfriend resides in.

 

1/  This is what he left us… and it warped over the years.  We couldn’t sue, because he’s a friend and that simply won’t do.  So, this year, I painted the railing and put in marigolds.  I collected the seeds from the previous year’s crop.

GPE #7 : Melanie's Pink Bits on Parade

This hummingbird, as spied through the window of the ProximaBlue ranch, is buzzing with nearly as much excitement as we are to unveil...

M E L A N I E' S

Pink Paradise

 

 But first, in keeping with the pink theme, Melanie has put together these hors d'oeuvres:

 

From Florida, some plants that look rather festive and ready to party. I don't know what they are called.

 

☙❧

GPE #6 : Jon Wasn't Allowed to Get His Hose Out...

The absolute “Star of the Year” - Hemerocallis “Crimson Pirate” flowered constantly from May to July!

Marooned Crimsoned on

J O N' S   &   M A D A M   A R C A T I' S

 

Botanical Treasure Island

 

[I can think of far worse places to be marooned - I mean, 'crimsoned',

than Jon's & Madam A's city oasis - IDV]

 

2022 turned out to be a remarkable year for many reasons, but the unprecedented heatwave and drought we had was a real test for any kind of garden - London hit more than 40C/104F over a couple of days in July, and we had weeks and weeks with no rain whatsoever, culminating in a hosepipe ban (which is a bind when your garden consists mainly of pots, as ours does - 200 of 'em!).

Some plants merely shrugged it off - salvias and pelargoniums love to bake a bit, as do lilies and hemerocallis (as above) - and our houseplants, all outside for the summer, have never looked so good (the aspidistra threw up more than a dozen new leaves, and the orchid sprouted its flower spike earlier than ever, so we may have flowers by Xmas). Others suffered quite a bit - the fuchsias dropped loads of leaves (but still flowered well), the dahlias and phlox were covered in mildew and just looked sickly, and the ipomoea and thunbergia vines were a bit pathetic.

However, this is a garden photos event, not Beechgrove, so lets look at some, shall we..? These are my choices from each month to date in the extensive gardens here at Dolores Delargo Towers...

January, Hippeastrum 'Cape Horn'  -  and February, Iris reticulata 'J.S. Dijt'

GPE #5 : Savvy's Spare Sophistication

This was part of a really gorgeous peony bouquet. It was store-bought because I tried to grow a plant, but it wasn't to be! I'll be sending another photo for Halloween.

S A V V Y

 

Makes Me Work...

... just like last year!  Still, it rained pretty much all day when I put this post together, so at least working on Savvy's Garden Photos Event post has kept me warm and dry.

GPE #4 : Ms Scarlet's Wobbly Bits

M S   S C A R L E T

 

Forgot Summer...

 

 Apologies, I thought I took more photos of my garden this year - I started well with a couple of snaps in February and then completely forgot until I got a new camera in September.

 In February I can identify the Snowdrops, and then I have a picture of some sort of pink affair - haven't a clue what it is and the photo isn't helpful as it's a bit blurry.

 

[It's a Camelia, Ms Scarlet.  And a rather vibrant one at that - IDV]

GPE #3 : Mistress Maddie Reveals All!

The Gardens of the

 

C A S A   d u   B O R G H E S E

 

Almost Eclipsed by a Moon!

These pictures are from late spring right up to a week ago*.  Here at the Casa du Borghese I, well... the houseboys and I, are still trying to bring the gardens back to where the Patriach had them with variety.  Upon being moved back, I still have no rhyme or reason to what things are or where they go, but plant what I think looks pretty, and flowers we enjoy.  I still have no idea what I'm doing, but it all seems to be coming along.

 

* Mistress Maddie sent in these photos on 16th October.

 

GPE #2 : Mitzi Likes Things With Sperm In

Fireball Lily, flowers once and then you're left with a load of leaves.

 

M I T Z I

 

Makes the Postman Gasp

 Yes, it's Mitzi's turn on the gardening merry-go-round, but before we get to the good stuff, we must first address the elephant in the room.  Or the bullmastiff in the bay window...

 

If you look closely on the right reflected in the

window, you will see the ghostly image of

my maid of all work Carmen taking the picture.

I hope it doesn’t cause your viewers too much distress.

Lofos, a climber by nature, looks equally good in a hanging basket as do Thunbergias. This one made the postman gasp.

[IDV] How do you get your Lophospermum¹ so lush?  Did you grow them from seed earlier in the year, or are they from previous year's tubers?

Mine have been pretty pathetic, but they're all from old tubers and are sharing with spider plants (which have monstrous roots).  Also, they aren't in the sunniest of spots.

I think I may have answered my own question...

I didn’t know Lofos grew from tubers. I sent off for a pack of 6 from J Parker bulbs last year and they were the sickliest looking plants, I had no hope for them, then the birds molested them looking for grubs, killing all but 1 in the process so I brought it indoors and kept it as a house plant, it soon grew about 10 feet, then Carmen accidentally caught it with the hoover causing carnage and reducing the plant by half, it grew back noticeably thicker after that, So that’s what I did with the 4 cuttings in the above hanging basket chopped them by half when they got a foot long.

GPE #1 : Dinahmow presents: Dracaenas and Drag Queens

Seeing Red* with

D I N A H M O W

Megaskepasma flower (AKA Brazilian red-cloak)

 Welcome to the first garden of 2022's Garden Photos Event: Dinahmow's!  (Well, the second, if you count The Very Mistress's dandelions and mallard in the previous post...)

 As with previous GPEs, I'll be taking a back seat and letting the gardener talk us through their garden.  As long as they provided enough - or any - captions, of course.

 Dinah labelled her photos and managed one or two captions, so I'll leave her to it.  After I've said just enough to get us to the bottom of the photo on the right, that is:

 

 Dinah's current abode (above) can barely be made out in the thicket of Dracaena, Megaskepasma erythrochlamys, and whatever that tree is on the right of the photo.  

 

* Because rather a lot of Dinah's tropical triffidery have red shaded blooms & leaves (and she's even published some more, here).

 

Cordyline rubra

The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event 2022

 Yes, it is the moment you have all been waiting for...

the

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event 2022

... is now open!

 

 Welcome, welcome, one and all!  We're going to dispense with the whys and wherefores this year as they're all addressed in my Infomaniac Garden Photos Event page up there (underneath the blog title), and get straight on with the show.

 Firstly, thank you to all those who sent in their greenfingered photos, and to everyone gathered here now for a good old snout at someone else's idea of gardening.  Hopefully you can take away some ideas, tips and/or inspiration for your own patch.

 

 This year, as well as photos of your gardening efforts throughout the year, I also asked if you could reach back through the mists of time and send in photos of a garden or plant you may have tended back in the olden days.  Half of those who are taking part managed to find one or two old daguerrotypes or poloroids - and in some cases, many.  So very many.  So, you've got that to look forward to, too!

 

 As the Garden Photos Event started out with The Very Mistress, so it is appropriate that this year's show - the 12th! - begins with her efforts (ahem) as well:

This is the female of a pair of mallards who make regular pit stops to

my garden in all seasons. 

If you're wondering why there are so many dandelions, it's because

I don't consider them to be weeds. The rabbits will nibble the dandelions

before they'll nibble my flowers so all power to the dandelions.

The other wonderful thing about dandelions is that they are loved by bees.

 

☙❧

 Right.  Now on to the aftermath of Terrifying Triffidery.  If you haven't yet had a look in the orangery of 'orror (see previous post), then I suggest you do so before continuing if you want to guess who sent in what.

Terrifying Triffidery 2022 : The Orangery of 'orror!

 Yes, it's time for:

 Welcome to the close and humid environs of Mogwash Manor's opulent orangery for this year's

T e r r i f y i n g   T r i f f i d e r y !

 The usual rules apply: 

1. No pushing and shoving on your way around

2. Don't get too close to the specimens, and

3. Don't feed them - unless you don't need your hand/arm/upper body & head [delete as applicable]

 For those of you who make it to the end relatively unscathed, please feel free to sound off in the comments what you think each triffid mutated from, and who generously donated each spooky specimen.  [Please note: One or more of the Blogorati may have provided multiple triffid photos - including the one that forms the background of the Terrifying Triffidery poster up there.]

 And remember: Terrifying Triffidery - as part of the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event - is NOT a competition, so there will be no winner (and certainly no prizes - not least because we're a cheapskate).

 Oh, and here's a little accompaniment to your wanderings: "Dead of Night", by Erasure

 Now, off you pop.  We'll meet the survivors - if there are any - at the end of the tour...

Who 8 All the Ferrero Rocher?

Continued from . . .  Part 7 of the Epic Collaboration – A Revelation of Sorts

 

 I hastily stuffed the half-unwrapped Ferrero Rocher, the syringe, and the small bottle marked with complicated sigils under a couple of cushions as the door to the study opened - without having been knocked on first!

 

 "Haven't you heard of knocking?"

 "Hmm?  Yes, but this isn't your house" Dinah said, barging into the room, bottle glass of wine in hand, and taking an unwanted interest in the cushions - admittedly I was doing a crap job of trying to look nonchalant whilst concealing the evidence of my diabolical deed.  "What have you got there?" she asked.

 "Nothing.  I'm, um, just taking a break from all the noise and partying downstairs?"

 "Right" Dinah didn't look or sound convinced, but fortunately, she didn't press the issue as she had something else on her mind.  "Anyway, Mago's looking for you." 

 "What?!  Mago?  Don't you mean Aidan Turner?"  

 "No.  Mago.  He's broken character and says something about being an archaeologist and wanting to put some clothes on.  Oh, and Ms Scarlet's vanished."

 "Blast!  I'll never get my hands on that Bottle of Greed!"

 "What?"

 "Oh, er, nothing.  Listen..." I said, wondering just how many Ferrero Rochers Ms Scarlet had troughed down as I got up off the cushioned settee and headed to an ancient, whirring PC on the desk (a vintage MacBook Air, if I wasn't very much mistaken!), "I happened to find this open on a pair of peculiar websites that seem to be tracking our movements, making insulting generalisations, and exaggerating certain aspects of our personalities and habits, if not making them up entirely!  Do you know anything about this?"

 Dinah shrugged and took a gulp of her wine.

 "And people are leaving comments about us!" I continued.  "Although, the comments are tailing off the longer this has been going on.  We've got to do something!"

 "You mean like reporting it to the authorities?"

 "No!  We're losing the audience!  We've got to engage them again - if they ever were really engaged in the first place?"

 "Probably not" Dinah muttered.  "I know I'm fed up with it all..."

 "I know just the thing!" I said, ignoring Dinah.  "Follow me."

 From the study I headed out across the landing, down the sweeping staircase - avoiding what looked like a mouse wrapped in a red napkin on the way - and made my way towards the rear of Mogwash Manor.

 

 But Dinah wasn't the only one following me to the orangery...

To be continued in...

 

 T e r r i f y i n g   T r i f f i d e r y !

❦

[For anyone yet to send me their photos for this year's Terrifying Triffidery you only have another couple of days to do so - I need your Triffids by the end of the day on Saturday 29th October.  Because I'm such a soft touch, I'll allow a few more days for your Infomaniac Garden Photos Event pics - Just in case anyone happens to find any lost photos of the marigold persuasion, for example...]

 

[P.S. While we're on the subject, the deadline for Melanie's 'Leaves' Photo Submissions is the 31st, so get snapping/sending!]

Knicknacs and Odds-n-Sods

 Before we get to what may be the final part of our Epic Collaboration - yes, I know, but nothing good lasts forever - and Terrifying Triffidery at the end of the mon-

 Which reminds me: those of you who haven't emailed us your garden photos and triffids, you don't have much time left - We want them in by 29th October!

We told you we'd be nagging and haranguing until then.

And probably afterwards, too...

 Anyway, before all that, here are a couple of knicknacks and a mish-mash of stuff We've been up to that doesn't revolve around epic blogging and gardening:

 

There was a reason for Lenny being here but it escapes me now...

 

Bike ride to Gimingham on the 12th:

On the way through Trimingham, I engaged in a staring contest with...

... these three roe deer.  I lost (they had the advantage of numbers).

TEC vol. VI: The Uncovered Somethingorother...

Continued from . . . PART 5 of The Epic Collaboration

Because our last effort made some people very confused/cross/consider legal action,

Ms Scarlet had to turn part five into a very short recap of what's happened so far.

And there are still threats of legal action!

So, in an effort to make things clearer-

A futile effort, methinks.

Well, yes, but let's give it a try okay?

Oh, okay.  Carry on, then.

Right.  Where was I?  Oh, yes: In an effort to make things clearer, think of this part as

volume six in an ongoing book series.  A volume that only has four quite short chapters.

And they look longer than they are because of the pictures and the music video.

'Music video'?  Christ.  You sound like you're a hundred million years old!

Well, what would you call it, then?

Um...

I knew it was a mistake to involve the SubCs in this!  Let's just get on with it.

Fine.  Are you putting the chapters in, or am I?

You are.

C H A P T E R   O N E

 "Oof!" said Mago as he extricated himself from a collection of now crushed and broken lily stems.

 "What happened, Mr Device?!" said an annoyed sounding clump of Eucomis zambesiaca with a Dinah in it.  Miraculously, all flower spikes were still fully erect.

 "Ow" I replied, trying to unpick myself from a very thorny 'Gertrude Jeckyll'.  Again.  Albeit in someone else's garden.  "Sorry, Dinah.  Sorry, Mago.  That story change wave-front came out of nowhere, and that reinitialisation so soon afterwards was totally unexpected."

 "Wo sind wir?"

 "Up someone's back passage, by the look of it" Dinah said hauling herself out of the Eucomis.

Someone's back passage.  German and Australasian not pictured

 "My back passage!" a stern voice announced.  Yikes!

 "Our back passage, dear" a second voice corrected.  "Why is there a witch in our rose bush?  And why are there Tupperware boxes strewn around the garden, a muddy welly in the fuchsias, and a bath mat in me Wine Time Corner™?"

 "And a German in the lilies, and an Australasian of sorts in the Eucomis, hmm?  Why, indeed?" 

 It was Jon and Madam Arcati, of course.  Not the German and Australasian, the new, and rather ticked off voices.

 "Ah.  Hello.  Um..." I said addressing our unwitting hosts.  "Sorry.  We hit rather a lot of story change turbulence when Ms Scarlet fast-forwarded the story somewhat unexpectedly.  The poor bath mat wasn't designed to cope with such stresses.  As you can see..." I gestured at the partially flattened garden.  "Sorry."

 "Diese Lilien smell of urine" Mago muttered.  "I smell of urine."

 "We'll see about that" Jon said, reaching for the hose again. 

The Garden Photos Event 2022 Official Final Reminder

 "I have photos. Do I have to caption them? They are from spring, summer and fall and they are a mess. Turns out I don't like weeding! LOL. Oh, well. Do tell what we have to do to participate. I don't have much patience, but will try to comply :)"

... Mr Tonking, 20th September [here]

Yes, it's time for...

 

the

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event

 

...final reminder for 2022!

 

 I'm sure most of you are aware of the Garden Photos Event phenomena brought about by The Very Mistress many, many years ago, but for anyone new, those who have forgotten, and Savvy (!), a brief history and links to all participatory gardens over the years can be found in my Infomaniac Garden Photos Event page (at the top of the blog if you didn't click the link).

 Now, in response to Mr Tonking's eloquent request, here's what to do to take part in the main event:

1. If you haven't already been doing so, take some photos of your garden/courtyard/balcony/window box/pot plant/salad drawer or any botanical specimen that you have been nurturing this year.

2. Undertake an exhausting and harrowing selection process, whittling down the hundreds of photos you've taken throughout the year to a few that you would like to be seen by the masses select clientele here.

3. Write a brief (or verbose) caption for each photo/set of photos - ideally something that amongst other things (gardening tales, tips & observations, how you get your BIG PINK BUSH™ to pulsate just so, for example) states what the plant is, because I'm not Jon (The Official Plant Spotter of Blogdom) and I don't want to do any more research than I have to!

 

4. Email your photos (in as large a size format as you can) and accompanying captions to me.  My blog email address can be found in my Blogger Profile at the top of my Sideboard on the right there (if you have my personal hotmail account, you can use that instead).

 

☙❧

 As well as the main event, there is also the now traditional Hallowe'en special event: 

 

Terrifying Triffidery!

 

 If you would like to take part (and why wouldn't you?), just send me a photo or two of a monstrous or weird botanical specimen that you've grown.  Or, if you are bereft of something like a dragon arum or a Visser's hydnora, a more pedestrian plant from your ordinary undergrowth taken from an odd angle/closeup/while you're drunk will do just as well.

 

☙❧

 

 And finally, for this year only, if you can find photos of a previous garden that you tended, or a prized specimen that may no longer be with you, please send them in too (don't worry: this blog can support sepia toned and/or black & white photos - engravings and stone tablets are out, though).  Please provide a brief caption stating where and when your garden/plant existed (if you'd like to include more info, by all means do).

 It would be great to see how your garden has changed over the years, or if you've moved house, what your previous garden(s) looked like and what you grew.  For the old hands at this, if you can find something that hasn't featured in a Garden Photos Event before, even better!

 

☙❧

 

 When does this all kick off, I hear you ask?  Well, Terrifying Triffidery will take place on Hallowe'en  - Monday 31st October - and the main event will begin two or three days later, so please email me your photos and accompanying captions by Saturday 29th October. 

 (Although this is the final official reminder, I shall, of course, be nagging and haranguing for photos for the rest of this month - and probably into November for all those who assume that deadlines don't apply to them.  You know who you are!)

 

 You don't have to be a regular here or an Infomaniac Bitch to take part as we welcome all sorts - Yes, even you!  So, if you are an infrequent visitor, a friend of a friend, or an as yet unseen lurker and would like to join in, please do - the more the merrier (just beware of the triffids as they're buggers for snapping up the unwary and unprepared)!

 If you have any questions, thoughts or ideas, please let fly in the comments.

 

☙❧

 

 And remember: The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event is NOT a contest!  We're not looking for perfection and there'll be no judging.  We just want to see how your garden grows - weeds and all - and maybe swap a few greenfingering tips.

 

Happy Gardening!

Catching Crabs

 Summer popped back to brag about old times, but I didn't want to get caught up in its inane dude-bro rambling, so I took advantage of the change in weather it brought and went for a walk along the beach instead.

 I wasn't the only one with that thought though...

Gah!  There are people everywhere!

Just look at the six - six!! - in this photo, milling around and getting in my way!

Muddy Meanderings and an Octopus Sucker Bath Mat

Continued from ... When Worlds Collide and a Pair of Striped Tights

 "STOP HER!!!" I shrieked screeched yelled, mindful of The Very Mistress's observation about my apparent tendency to 'scream like a girl'.

 "Who are you shrieking at?" the aforementioned Very Mistress enquired.  Well, her be-tighted legs appeared to as they hung from the bUbble Haze™, anyway.

 "Yes" said Dinahmow as she used her wand to lift up the edge of the drape that was covering me.  "I'm hardly likely to stop Ms Scarlet as I helped her to leave, and Mistress MJ is just a pair of stripy legs."

 "Well, maybe Beaky could?"  My blood suddenly ran cold and I looked around wildly.  "Where is that dratted bird, anyway?"

 "Oh, he flew off.  But don't worry, I'm sure he'll be waiting for you when you get home!"  If it was possible for legs to grin evilly, The Very Mistress's legs did so.

 "Hmmph!  I'm sure" I said as I threw off the drapes and got to my feet, kicking aside a muddy Wellington boot that Ms Scarlet must have used to trudge across her swamp lawn.  "So, where did you send Ms Scarlet, Dinah?"

 "Oh, up Jon's back passage."

 "Award winning back passage" The Very Mistress's legs corrected.

 "Yes, award winning back passage" Dinah said.

 "Right.  Then that's where we'll go.  I just hope we'll all fit?

 "Up Jon's back passage?" The Very Mistress snorted.  "There'll be room to spare!  Besides, I'm not going."

 "What?  Why not?"

 "Because I'm not getting paid enough, nothing's been disinfected, and the longer I spend here the more chance there is of someone mentioning the C word."

 "The C word?  But you have no qualms about saying cu-"

"Go Up Against Fanny Unprepared and She'll Eat You Alive!"*

 This is not the continuation of When Worlds Collide and a Pair of Striped Tights - I might pop that up at the weekend.  At some point.  Maybe?

 No, this is the third quarter's worth of stuff I've read, watched and listened to.

 Strap in!

Read

∘  Some more of Little, Big, by John Crowley - No, I still haven't finished it.  I'm convinced pages, nay, entire chapters get added when I'm not looking!

∘  A Prayer for the Crown-Shy (A Monk and Robot Book, vol. 2), by Becky Chambers - Just lovely and warm and thoughtful and wonderful.  A tonic for these trying times.

∘  The Guncle, by Steven Rowley - as recommended by The Very Mistress.

It did cheer me up, and it has replaced Bridget Jones' Diary

Re-Read

∘  Beyond Uhura, Nichelle Nichols - The great lady's 1994 biography (more from her later).

Watched

∘  Ghosts, S4 (BBC iPlayer) - Best thing on TV (even better than Star Trek)!  This clever, funny, heartwarming - and also quite sad in some places - sitcom about a young couple sharing a house with a load of bickering, but mostly well-meaning ghosts, has cemented itself in my heart since I discovered it at the start of this year.