GPE #3 : Maddie, the Mistress Borghese's "upright perk"

 

M I S T R E S S  M A D D I E

 

 Here we are again at the Casa du Borghese and I still don't know what things are called and still just plant things even if I'm not sure of their requirements.  Needless to say, I think it was a banner season in the garden as it gave color from spring right through the summer and even still has some color currently. 

 

Hawthorn / notHawthorn

 There seems to be a bit of a hawthorn trend going on at the mo. 

 After I featured some in a 4 Photos post last week, Maddie piped up wondering if her rebounded bush (that had been seen to by her "lawn guy" somewhat unsurprisingly) might be a hawthorn.  Ms Scarlet coupled hers with cow parsley for a spring wedding look (no pictures as yet, but here are some from last year sans hawthorn blossom).  Then, over at Maddie's, Jon posited that the hawthorn was a "cockspur hawthorn" (cock!!!), whereas I think it might be a pyracantha (both can surprise you with a big prick, though).

 

 Anyway, just to confuse things even more, I have another hawthorn to share - and this one is rather more moist:

 

Water hawthorn (Aponogeton distachyos) growing in the bath up at my allotment. 

 

. : .

Rutherford...

 Oof!  Sorry I'm late.

 

 I hadn't realised just how much time had passed since my last foray into the Blogworld.  I hope you've all been good - or, at least, not too evil - since I last saw you?

 

 Anyway, one reason/excuse for my absence has been work - I've been dealing with a big, tiresome project which means that once I get home (or log-off when I'm working from home), the last thing I want to do is sit in front of another computer.  So, instead I sit in front of the TV watching TaskMaster (thank you, Peenee), or sit at my desk drawing risqué pictures of Rutherford (from Star Trek: Lower Decks) like these two:

 

 'Medical Experiment Victim Rutherford' is my take on the questionable medical cat-& mouse chase in the first episode of season 2, "Strange Energies".  [More here]

GPE 2024 : The Finale

the 2024

 

I N F O M A N I A C

 

Garden Photos Event Finale

 

☙❧

 

 Strap yourselves in - Here we go!

 

 Well, what a gardening year we've had!  Very many thanks to all you lovely green-fingered Bloggerati who took part and sent in your garden and garden-related photos.  We've been up close and personal to all manner of intimate specimens from across the globe: from Savvy's chocolate-frosted Monty Don to Ms Scarlet's Big Pink Bush™, there are no secrets here anymore - everything was on show!  And what a show it has been: 

Secret Garden, by T'Pau (1988)

 

 

Programme of Events

 

Hallowe'en brought out the Terrifying Triffidery

 

1st November : The Infomaniac Garden Photos Event opening ceremony

GPE #8 : Maddie, the Mistress Borghese's successful gardening year

M A D D I E

The Mistress was very pleased as to another fairly successful gardening year.  Considering I still don't have much nous when it comes to gardening and when and where to plant things. 

 

GPE #7 : Mitzi can't live anywhere with 'bog' in its name

Dear Mr Device.  

Please forgive my tardiness in sending you my garden photographs, I've been driving down to the south coast every touch and turn looking at properties, hence my blogging absence.  The last house I viewed was in Bognor Regis...  BOGNOR!  It was a nice house but I can't live anywhere with 'bog' in it's name.  I'm away for 3 weeks so I might not be able to thank people for their gracious comments.

Hope all is well,

 

M I T Z I

 

Birds eye view from the car camera.  Look how clean my drive is compared with theirs next door.

[Can Mitzi's car fly?? - IDV]

 

 

The other side of the fence lives a Chinese lady.  She likes to peer through the knots in the wood at us, reminiscent of that horror film The Ring.

GPE #1 : Dinah's Sex in the Front Yard

How many can you handle? asked

 

D I N A H M O W

 

I'll start with some of the Quisqualis which is an absolute cracker this year!

 

 

Will look for more!

GPE 2023 : Mitzi Couldn't Give A Fig

 Ah, here you are!  Welcome to the sixth garden of the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event tour.  I hope you brought that bacon rind I mentioned in the previous post? 

 Right, strap in - here we go:

 

M I T Z I' S

 

Unnatural Beauty

 

☙❧

 

Hello Mr D, I hope I'm not too late for this year's garden extravaganza. Sadly I won't be able to reply to any comments as I'm going away tomorrow [Saturday 28th Oct - IDV], if you wouldn't mind letting the hoi polloi know, I would hate them to think of me as haughty.

Love Mitzi.

[Disregard the above: Mitzi's back off her hols now - IDV]

 

An upright fuchsia called Jubilee something or other, Jon will know. A cutting taken from the garden centre.

GPE 2023 : Mooning About with Maddie

On stage at the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event tonight are:

 

the Bootilicious Blooms

of

M A D D I E

 

T H E

M I S T R E S S   B O R G H E S E

 

☙❧

 This is my selection for this year.  I continue to be pleasantly surprised by how nice everything did considering I still don't know what I'm doing.  Some of the gardens are still things my father had done when he was alive.... but much of the garden is fairly new beds with a little bit of everything.

 

A few pictures from spring...

Columbines

 

Boys Shorts Total Attraction

The Sunday Blogger Club and other stories

 As I seem incapable of putting together any of the blog posts that have been lurking at the back of our mind recently, here is a quick update on some of the books and doujinshi manga we've read recently instead.  

 

 I stopped reading Smoke and Mirrors as it was too miserable and grim.  To help the Host get over it, while I was waiting in the Cusp departure lounge for my portal home, I picked up a copy of The Sunday Blogger Club.  But only because it came with a free blogging rota.

 You see, I've been on a "business trip" Over the Cusp;  The Very Mistress took to her fainting chaise in 1973 and has barely been seen since;  Jon is on holiday and jetting off to Amsterdam or somesuch;  Maddie seems to have only just got back and she's off again;  Mago managed a Sunday Music on Saturday - No, not the following one, Saturday before - which has thrown us all for a loop;  And Ms Scarlet emigrated from Wordpress to Blogger and now needs a prompt to get her going!

 Yes, I think that rota will come in very handy.

 

 Anyway.  Back to the reading material:

 A Fine Life - The story of a nascent witch whose unwanted commitments and obligations are arranged away by an unseen imp.  Although the witch is vaguely aware of the imp and its interventions, they do not know the full extent of the imp's arrangements and the subsequent consequences wreaked upon their friends and family.  Although, they are beginning to suspect.

 

 The Furtherest Ones - A collection of tales of unobtainable love and inappropriate lust in a beautiful but terrible land beyond the reach of mere mortals.  One such tale is about a sea spirit who yearns to touch the sun, even knowing that should it be possible, they'll evaporate.  They are teased by the Moon, and are drawn to him as a tide, but the Moon always releases them before they can overcome their world's gravity and join the Sun and the Moon as they dance together in the sky.

 Spindle: Wind the Thread Around Xem - A book about how to structure and write novels of the classic Karskat genre.  It's a bit awkward - translated as it is from ancient Andorii.

 Star Trek Costumes: Five Decades of Fashion from the Final Frontier, by Paula M. Block and Terry J. Erdmann

 This is my first Trek book purchase for a LONG time.  And I only got it because it was a fiver instead of £35!

 I've only had time to flick through it so far, and seems not as comprehensive or detailed as I'd like, but it does have some wonderful concept art and gorgeous photographs.  My favourite Trek film, STIII: The Search For Spock appears to be well served with a good covering of the civilian clothing and Vulcan garments. 

 Definitely worth £5.

 T.S.D. Master of Poison Radio Wave and other selected manga of Dokudenpa Jushintei, by Kobucha Omaso. 

 Some of these tales of young men coming to terms with their sexuality and dealing with first love/lust are very dear and quite charming.  They're illustrated with adorable looking young men sporting perfect bodies and seemingly endless reserves of energy - which ends up being used for a LOT of gleefully drawn, enthusiastic sex!  But that's only a part of it - it's the emotional stuff that's most important, of course.

 Only a few are translated into English, and even that's rather hit-and-miss, but it's quite fun to imagine what's going on and what the characters are saying.  (I've run a few through Google Translate images and that's even more hit-and-miss, but I get the gist)

 Oh, and there are some that are definitely not my cup of tea, such as the ones with chibi or too young looking characters, and the ones with tentacles (I just don't get it).

 

Danger: RUDE!  For the gentlemen who prefer to travel up the chocolate escalator or are a receiver of swollen goods*, and anyone else who may be curious, click here for T.S.D. vol.1.  And once you're there, I'd recommend right-clicking any link to open in a new window - even if only clicking to the next page - to prevent unwanted video sex websites opening.  I use Firefox which blocks most pop-ups, but doesn't seem to catch them all on the linked to BaraMangaOnline site.

* Thank you, Derek:

Art Trek: Cybernetic implant set to SEXY MODE

 It's not a toilet seat!  It's a folded up robe, albeit with a collar that looks a lot like a toilet seat depending on one's frame of mind...

 

 Anyway, enough from the depths beyond the U-bend of Mago's subconscious, what I want to do is publish an explanatory post complete with screenshots and lines from the various episodes of Star Trek: Lower Decks that inspired the following artistic lascivious dalliances with my current infatuation and muse, Ensign Sam Rutherford.

 But, as I said over at The Very Mistress's place in answer to her question about how the year is going for her faithful bitches, today* has been "filled with far too many irritants and annoyances already, and I can't seem to get anything done."  So, there's precious little explanation, just some pervy Rutherford 'art' which probably won't mean anything to anyone who hasn't watched Lower Decks eleventy-billion times...

 

* The "today" in question was actually last Sunday, 5th Feb.

This past week didn't get much better - I'm only publishing this so that you know I'm still alive.

The Year of the Lazy Baggage*

* No.  Not that one this time.  It's IWeMeUs!

 That's right, We are the Lazy Baggage in question.  I'm sure you can't have failed to notice a glut of lazyitis in the vicinity of Hexenhäusli Device this year?  In fact, I'm so lazy that I can't even be bothered to come up with an excuse think of the reason for not actually blogging that much.  I'm sure there was one, though...

 As luck would have it, a certain someone's penchant for Monday GIFs has come in handy as this one from January illustrates the horror and despair I felt upon opening this draft post and realising that it was so unfinished as to be barely started!

 Look, we haven't got time to appear terrified-yet-glamorous while trotting about in the garden encrusted in jewels and wearing something far too skimpy for this time of year!  We've got to try and remember what happened this year, then wrap it up and bundle it in the back of the sideboard so that the New Year can start on time!

 Oh, cripes.  We'd better get on with it, then.  It's a good job that everyone else has been quite productive:

January

Event : After years and years and years of deliberation, cogitation, and waiting for just the right moment, Ms Scarlet banished her FGES anxiety and launched the New Year by holding the Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition!

Rimpy's sigh of relief could be heard across the globe...

 Two weeks later, Maddie, the Mistress Borghese, won the competition and became the 28th person to become inflicted with the 'Shorts!

 

 And two weeks after that, Ms Scarlet prepares herself to go through Post Shorts Syndrome...

 

Discovery : I was almost beside myself when I discovered a modern, live-action clip from one of my favourite 80s cartoons - Dungeons and Dragons!

 My excitement was dulled somewhat when I realised that it was from a Brazilian Renault advert, but I still live in hope of a car-less reboot (fan-edited English language version here).

February

Quotes : "An erect stud at 16 hands is something to behold and rather terrifying I must say!", and...

GPE #3 : Mistress Maddie Reveals All!

The Gardens of the

 

C A S A   d u   B O R G H E S E

 

Almost Eclipsed by a Moon!

These pictures are from late spring right up to a week ago*.  Here at the Casa du Borghese I, well... the houseboys and I, are still trying to bring the gardens back to where the Patriach had them with variety.  Upon being moved back, I still have no rhyme or reason to what things are or where they go, but plant what I think looks pretty, and flowers we enjoy.  I still have no idea what I'm doing, but it all seems to be coming along.

 

* Mistress Maddie sent in these photos on 16th October.

 

Muddy Meanderings and an Octopus Sucker Bath Mat

Continued from ... When Worlds Collide and a Pair of Striped Tights

 "STOP HER!!!" I shrieked screeched yelled, mindful of The Very Mistress's observation about my apparent tendency to 'scream like a girl'.

 "Who are you shrieking at?" the aforementioned Very Mistress enquired.  Well, her be-tighted legs appeared to as they hung from the bUbble Haze™, anyway.

 "Yes" said Dinahmow as she used her wand to lift up the edge of the drape that was covering me.  "I'm hardly likely to stop Ms Scarlet as I helped her to leave, and Mistress MJ is just a pair of stripy legs."

 "Well, maybe Beaky could?"  My blood suddenly ran cold and I looked around wildly.  "Where is that dratted bird, anyway?"

 "Oh, he flew off.  But don't worry, I'm sure he'll be waiting for you when you get home!"  If it was possible for legs to grin evilly, The Very Mistress's legs did so.

 "Hmmph!  I'm sure" I said as I threw off the drapes and got to my feet, kicking aside a muddy Wellington boot that Ms Scarlet must have used to trudge across her swamp lawn.  "So, where did you send Ms Scarlet, Dinah?"

 "Oh, up Jon's back passage."

 "Award winning back passage" The Very Mistress's legs corrected.

 "Yes, award winning back passage" Dinah said.

 "Right.  Then that's where we'll go.  I just hope we'll all fit?

 "Up Jon's back passage?" The Very Mistress snorted.  "There'll be room to spare!  Besides, I'm not going."

 "What?  Why not?"

 "Because I'm not getting paid enough, nothing's been disinfected, and the longer I spend here the more chance there is of someone mentioning the C word."

 "The C word?  But you have no qualms about saying cu-"

The Year of the Invaded Sideboard

 What a year it's been!

 Animal rescue.

 Poor Tim...

 Floods.

 Poor Ms Nations...

 The return of ABBA.

 Poor ABBA...  

 Someone had a bit of a cough.

 . . .

 . . .

 . . .

 Well?

 Oh, er... Poor BEAST.  

 And aside from everything else, our poor Sideboard took quite a pummelling.  Having seen off an expanse of pink [thank you, Dinah] and a giant old lady [also by Dinah] in previous years, 2021 has seen no less than five invasions!  

 But before we get to those, a quick heads-up about this year's Coven Awards: Unlike previous years, there aren't any awards per se, rather a selection of bits & bobs from your blogs throughout the year that we enjoyed, appreciated, or just remembered to make a note of at the time.

 The remembered bit is key.  Our memory is pretty terrible, so these aren't neccessarily the best bits, just noted or remembered bits.

 Oh, and there's much less self-indulgence from us, too.

 Although there is some, of course:  Star Trek.  Men we like.  Sofas that we think are ghastly (not your new one, Ms Scarlet - we haven't seen it yet...)  It's our blog, after all.

 Quite.  Anyway, let's get on with it before the dratted SubCs realise we've started without them.

 Ooh, yes!  On with the show, and the Sideboard Invasions:

  The first, in January, was by professional sideboard invader, Dinahmow, with an enormous luna astronaut complete with narrowboat (naturally).

 Let's start with a little Music, shall we?  Introduced to us by Jon (of course), this has become one of my most played pieces this year: Let's Danzón - Gustavo Dudamel at the Proms Arturo Márquez Danzón Nº 2 

 

Dance : Jon attempted to prise Colin's Anusol from the grip of-  Oh.  Sorry.  I misheard.  It's Prisencolinensinainciusol as we discovered here: Motivi per essere allegri. 

IDV's Wonderful* Winterval Panto! (Part 1**)

* lit. full of wonder at how this travesty of cliches, assumptions, and lazy writing came into being.

** Fortunately for you, there are only two parts to this.

 

Continued from A Pink Prelude...

 

... And for that 'Grotbags' comment I can do the narrating

reclined on my fainting chaise in the wings?

For the last time: Yes!

Good.  I can't be arsed with navigating shoddily constructed scenery while flouncing about in ridiculous costumes - I've seen what's in store for Jon in wardrobe.

I just want a bit of a lie down with a drink.  Or twelve.

There's a barrel of Jameson's and a straw all set out back.

Now, if you would kindly take your place?

Script!  Where's my script?

Christ!  It's on the chaise!

Please, Very Mistress, the cast - your Infomaniac Drinking Team - and audience are getting restless.

All right.  Keep your knickers on, IDV!

Just remember who you're talking to.

Yes, Very Mistress.

Right.  The narrator is all set.  Places everyone!

Curtain up in five, four, three...

 

In a lightly thronged rural village marketplace-

 

Can half a dozen people be classified as a 'throng'?

Some of them don't even appear to be real people.  Are they cardboard cut-outs?

Of course they're made of cardboard, Very Mistress.

You know the budgets for these things are practically non-existent.

Well, we did have the budget for Savvy to appear in person here,

but she's late as usual, so that's 25 quid down the drain...

We haven't got time for that now!

Very Mistress, if you could continue narrating, please?

Oh.  Yes.  Where was I?  Ah, yes:

In a lightly thronged marketplace we find a young woman- 

Man!

Man?  Is he?  [squints]  Oh, yes, of course.

I forgot that in panto the principle boy is usually played by a female actor.

If we can get on, please?

Just before I do, the script says "a young man" - how young is that then?  20s?  30s?

I only ask because - and I'm not saying that I think she's too...

experienced for the role - isn't that Ms Scarlet?

[sigh] Yes.  It is.  Fortunately, as I'm sure you remember, Ms Scarlet is at least ten years younger here over the Cusp than her birth certificate would have you believe, thanks to that time-travel nincompoopery that occurred over her birthday earlier this year.

Now, if you please?

Of course.  Of course.  Where were we?

Oh, yes, 'thronged marketplace', 'young man':

Anyway, his name is Jack and he's here with his overbearing - and rather garishly dressed, if you ask me - mother, a Dame of some repute, to sell various mud-based artisinal products and some dubious beauty treatments made from butter...

GPE #10 : A Fan of Peenee's

A Case of 

M I S T A K E N   I D E N T I T Y

at the Garden Photos Event

 Now, this is a bit of an odd one.  I received this email along with the following three photos at the end of October:

"Good day Mr. Peenee,

I am a new fan of your blog as I enjoy uncut dick* and they are hard to find here in the U.S. 

Sending you some humble pictures of my home and two rose bushes that came from my Grandfather’s garden. They have graced my yard (family home) for over 60 years.

Thank you for all the wonderful posts!"

-- A fan of Peenee's from Portland, Maine

 I have withheld the senders name to respect at least some of their privacy as they didn't respond to my query about whether they were really meant for the GPE, or just for Peenee.  But, equally, as there was no response, I feel perfectly justified in sharing these garden photos:

GPE #9 : Melanie's Nature-led Naughtiness

In  Proximity  to  Purple

a Garden Photos Event installation by

M E L A N I E

 

 Here we are in Melanie's garden for the ninth stop on the Garden Photos Event tour.  Let's see what she has for us:

Fuchsia and ferns

GPE #7 : Gardening for Gratis, by Mitzi

M I T Z I ' S

T A L E S  F R O M  T H E  L A N Ā I

a Garden Photos Event feature

 I was going to attempt a witty introduction, but it'll be clear when you read through that I have no hope of matching Mitzi's wits, so I'll just let her get on with it.  Take it away, Mitzi!

Variegated ivy cuttings, taken from the local graveyard!

See the summer house in the background?  I caught the maid in fragrante delicto late one night in there with a grindr meet!  Least said, soonest mended.