"The black snot thing ends immediately north of EN6"

 Oh, shit!  Is it my go?  

 Yes!

 Where's the rota?  Is it really my go?  I'm not ready!

 Oh, for fu-  Here, do one of Jon's laziest most efficient-type posts:

Nine common problems that can be solved by moving the f**k out of London

CAN’T afford a house? Can’t afford a meal out? Travelling six miles takes two hours and costs you £40? Have you considered getting the f**k out of London?

No affordable rents: With the capital full of other young professional housemates stealing your shampoo, have you considered living outside it? In provincial towns like Chorley and Sleaford where rent is low? They’ve got electricity and tapas, allegedly. 

No nightlife options: Restaurants and nightclubs in London are famous and famously expensive. Restaurants and nightclubs in the rest of the country are less so, and often called things like The Wheatsheaf Grill or Zanzibar’s, but you can go to them.

No affordable transport: A system of underground trains in a major city is expensive. Getting the bus in Barnsley is not. Riding a bike in Wrexham is practically free. And have you considered walking to work in Warrington? It can be done, crazy as it sounds.

Overcrowding: It’s impossible to find a patch of London park not commandeered by boot camp fitness twats, rowdy bored-shitless teenagers or mums playing ‘here we go round the Mulberry bag’ for a two-year-old’s party. Could it possibly be because there’s too f**king many of you in the same place?

No time to see friends: Lengthy commutes, long working hours and spiralling service costs mean that even in the same city, you only see friends on Zoom. Are you getting it yet? That the city is a nightmare and you could just piss off somewhere nicer?

Gentrification: Be the gentrifier. Take your fancy arsehole graduate job and go and gentrify Ashton-under-Lyne. All it actually means is buying a cheap house and making the area more pleasant. Is that so evil, or are your values horrendously warped?

Pollution: You know the black snot thing ends immediately north of EN6, don’t you? You sneer when your provincial friends come down and complain about it? Then what’s stopping you moving to Staffordshire? Fear of big cats?

I’ll never get on the property ladder: No, you f**king won’t. Nor will you ever buy in Manhattan, Tokyo or Sandbanks, so have you considered living somewhere you can afford like normal people do?

I can’t talk about anything but living in London: This one is absolutely solved after six months in Stafford after which you will, finally, get over yourself. Unless you move to Cornwall or the Cotswolds. It’s still the sole topic of conversation with the refugees there.

 

The Daily Mash 

Of course.

The Sunday Blogger Club and other stories

 As I seem incapable of putting together any of the blog posts that have been lurking at the back of our mind recently, here is a quick update on some of the books and doujinshi manga we've read recently instead.  

 

 I stopped reading Smoke and Mirrors as it was too miserable and grim.  To help the Host get over it, while I was waiting in the Cusp departure lounge for my portal home, I picked up a copy of The Sunday Blogger Club.  But only because it came with a free blogging rota.

 You see, I've been on a "business trip" Over the Cusp;  The Very Mistress took to her fainting chaise in 1973 and has barely been seen since;  Jon is on holiday and jetting off to Amsterdam or somesuch;  Maddie seems to have only just got back and she's off again;  Mago managed a Sunday Music on Saturday - No, not the following one, Saturday before - which has thrown us all for a loop;  And Ms Scarlet emigrated from Wordpress to Blogger and now needs a prompt to get her going!

 Yes, I think that rota will come in very handy.

 

 Anyway.  Back to the reading material:

 A Fine Life - The story of a nascent witch whose unwanted commitments and obligations are arranged away by an unseen imp.  Although the witch is vaguely aware of the imp and its interventions, they do not know the full extent of the imp's arrangements and the subsequent consequences wreaked upon their friends and family.  Although, they are beginning to suspect.

 

 The Furtherest Ones - A collection of tales of unobtainable love and inappropriate lust in a beautiful but terrible land beyond the reach of mere mortals.  One such tale is about a sea spirit who yearns to touch the sun, even knowing that should it be possible, they'll evaporate.  They are teased by the Moon, and are drawn to him as a tide, but the Moon always releases them before they can overcome their world's gravity and join the Sun and the Moon as they dance together in the sky.

 Spindle: Wind the Thread Around Xem - A book about how to structure and write novels of the classic Karskat genre.  It's a bit awkward - translated as it is from ancient Andorii.

 Star Trek Costumes: Five Decades of Fashion from the Final Frontier, by Paula M. Block and Terry J. Erdmann

 This is my first Trek book purchase for a LONG time.  And I only got it because it was a fiver instead of £35!

 I've only had time to flick through it so far, and seems not as comprehensive or detailed as I'd like, but it does have some wonderful concept art and gorgeous photographs.  My favourite Trek film, STIII: The Search For Spock appears to be well served with a good covering of the civilian clothing and Vulcan garments. 

 Definitely worth £5.

 T.S.D. Master of Poison Radio Wave and other selected manga of Dokudenpa Jushintei, by Kobucha Omaso. 

 Some of these tales of young men coming to terms with their sexuality and dealing with first love/lust are very dear and quite charming.  They're illustrated with adorable looking young men sporting perfect bodies and seemingly endless reserves of energy - which ends up being used for a LOT of gleefully drawn, enthusiastic sex!  But that's only a part of it - it's the emotional stuff that's most important, of course.

 Only a few are translated into English, and even that's rather hit-and-miss, but it's quite fun to imagine what's going on and what the characters are saying.  (I've run a few through Google Translate images and that's even more hit-and-miss, but I get the gist)

 Oh, and there are some that are definitely not my cup of tea, such as the ones with chibi or too young looking characters, and the ones with tentacles (I just don't get it).

 

Danger: RUDE!  For the gentlemen who prefer to travel up the chocolate escalator or are a receiver of swollen goods*, and anyone else who may be curious, click here for T.S.D. vol.1.  And once you're there, I'd recommend right-clicking any link to open in a new window - even if only clicking to the next page - to prevent unwanted video sex websites opening.  I use Firefox which blocks most pop-ups, but doesn't seem to catch them all on the linked to BaraMangaOnline site.

* Thank you, Derek:

The Birds and the Bees: A Garden Photos Event Q&A

"What if my wildlife photos have critters in them but you can't see the plants/flowers because the critters are sat on a patch of grass or open space?

Does that count as a submission, nonetheless?"

 

asked The Very Mistress in the comments of the previous GPE reminder post.

 

 Yes, it's reminder time again for:

 

the House of

 

I N F O M A N I A C

 

Garden Photos Event 2023

 Well, The Very Mistress raises a good point, and one that's been on my mind lately as I've taken some close-up photos around the garden, but without background for context, they could have been taken anywhere.  So, I have come up with a couple of solutions:

 

I spied this variety of ichneumon wasp (Amblyjoppa proteus - at least I think that's what it is?) while enjoying a G&T in my shade garden

Bitey wishes it to be known that these rather tiny, ambulatory anal beads do NOT belong to him.  And they're certainly not mine, either!

"Grandad is a Poo Face"

Well, yes, quite frankly, he is.

 This, like last week's publication, is just another mish-mash post because I don't have anything specific to relay.  My niece, Lionel (not her real name) scrawled the always amusing epithet above on our garage wall some months ago, yet it is only now that I have got around to taking a photo of it to share here.  I'd actually only gone outside in the rain to take a photo of 'Eva Boerg' swinging away under a bird box, when I realised I could kill two birds with one stone, so to speak.

. . .

 

 Now, a little music from our favourite Pop Princess, Kylie.  Apparently, this track - "Running" - didn't make the cut for her upcoming album, Tension, but it is still utterly fabulous!

. . .

 

 I finished The Bullet That Missed (see last post) and definitely have a crush on Bogdan.  The last page of chapter 84 cinched the deal - I just wanted to give him a big hug.  And then he'd reciprocate with those big, muscular, tattooed arms.  Ahhhhh...

 

 Anyway, enough about Bogdan (even though I don't think there can ever be too much Bogdan).  I have started a re-read of Smoke and Mirrors by Neil Gaiman (last re-reads here in 2013 and here in 2008).

 I've wanted to read this collection of short stories again for quite a few years, but had been thwarted by not having the book.  You see, I'd lent it to my sister, Indescribable (Lionel's mum), a long, long time ago, but every time I'd asked for it back she claimed to have already returned it because it definitely wasn't in her house anywhere.  Definitely.

 Except until it was (she found it behind some other books in her unruly bookcase a couple of months ago and sheepishly gave it back to me). 

. . .

 

 Star Trek!  I am EXTREMELY excited for the forthcoming episode of Strange New Worlds because it's a crossover with my favourite Trek show, the animated Lower Decks, and features a live action Boimler (in the clip below) and Mariner (both played by their respective voice actors, Jack Quaid and Tawny Newsome).

 Unfortunately, I won't be watching it when it airs on Thursday because I don't have Paramount+, so I'll have to make do with clips and screencaps until it comes out on BluRay (or I can get a free trial of P+ or something).  Bah!

. . .

 

 Finally, last month I found this scrawled piece of advice in a field of oil seed rape while walking Bitey:

 

 I'm not going to pay it any heed as I like thinking, and don't like doing!

"Admiral! There be whales here!"

 Just popping in to drop off some things I've found:

 

 The lovely Lee Pace in Foundation season 2: "The Fight" (although, he's doing things that are slightly less lovely than those done by Ned the Pieman in Pushing Daisies which is where he first came to my attention) found at Tor.com here.

(I don't watch Foundation - don't have Apple TV - and haven't read the books, but Lee Pace!!!)

 

 

The Bullet That Missed, by Richard Osman.

 

 Well, I didn't find this - my sister, Indescribable, lent it to me (just as she did the first two).  I'm enjoying it just as much as the others, and I'm rather looking forward to the fourth in the series - The Last Devil To Die - later this year.

 

 Also, I think I have a crush on Bogdan...

 

 (Don't mind my Ctenanthe amabilis - it was rather put out that I haven't featured it on the blog yet, so I let it loll around in the background for this shot)

 

 

 . . . 

 

 Let's have some music, shall we?

 

 Röyksopp - 'The Next Day' ft. Jamie Irrepressible (Mind Against Remix)

 

 

 . . .

 

Oh!  Remember to take some photos of fields & grass for Melanie's Nature Led July photo challenge.

 

Skylark field (off Madam's Lane) from this morning's Bitey walk

 

 

 . . . 

 I'll leave you with this exhilarating clip from Fantasia 2000: Humpback whales flying to Pines of Rome, by Ottorino Respighi.

(Now I want to watch Star Trek IV: The Voyage Home!)

[From which this post's title was taken)]

"Next-to-the-Garage-Door" got knocked off!

 I hope that vibrant mallow up there got your attention?  Good.

 

 Despite having been absent for a couple of weeks, I have very little to say for myselves and next to no time with which to say it, so here are a few photos from the garden and the beach.  Please accept the garden photos as a reminder to get snapping in your own gardens in readiness for...

the House of

 

I N F O M A N I A C

 

Garden Photos Event 2023

... later in the year.  November, to be a little more precise.

(I'm hoping my wall-hanging green gate will be repleat with passionflowers, fuchsias, and spiderplants come the end of the season)

At the end of the garden lurk lilac, Ligularia przewalskii, laurel, and hostas.

Oh, and a Cordyline.

Water, Water Everywhere!

June is Water Month over at Melanie's Nature Led blog, and she wants to see

"your bodies

– of water that is!  Ponds, lakes, rivers, streams, waterfalls, fountains being appreciated by wildlife, your favorite puddle or bog."

(Click the link for full 'terms & conditions')

 So, with that in mind, I set out with Camera yesterday to see what I could snap.  Unfortunately, yesterday lunchtime down on the beach was a bit dismal (but warm), and quite people even though the tide was in!  Suffice to say, the few water-related photos I took were rather lacklustre:

I availed myself of a swim while I was down there.

That's my stuff draped on the revetment on the right.  And, look - on the far left: People!

Because someone wondered where the cormorants were.

Salt Rooks

 

  So, there I was, minding my own business when I was accosted by a bunch of salt rooks!  I mean, the very nerve.  If they think their display of sharp-edged, cubic cuppery was going to intimidate me, well, they had another thing coming.

 Oh, for fu....  They're just salt crystals!  You'd inadvertantly debigulated us again!

 That's beside the point.  Those crystalline carbuncles are no better than bloody Tholians!  I've a good mind to get Nancy Crater down here.  She'll show those pes-

 Stop.  Just stop.  Your grasp of Star Trek is almost as flimsy as The Very Mistress's.

 Hmmmph!

 Right.  I'll continue captioning these photos from yesterday evening and this morning, then.

Once the seawater had evaporated from the pitted and crumbling promenade,

all that's left are salt crystals.

No wind and no waves mean smooth seas.

"Summer Hath Aroused" thoughts of the Infomaniac Garden Photos Event

 Oof!  Nearly fell back into the all consuming "All".  Fortunately, the most recent questing tentacle from All turned out to be little more than a tendril, and is now* eating a cheese & coleslaw sandwich (made by me!) while safely ensconced in the recliner downstairs nursing a gashed shin. 

 So, as Summer has finally** reached the north-eastiest bit of East Anglia (which means it's too hot to be outside doing anything) I find myself with some unexpected free time - enough to whip up a reminder for:

the House of

I N F O M A N I A C

Garden Photos Event 2023

 

* About 11:30ish at the time of writing.

** Summer landed in most of Blighty last week.  Apparently, temperatures in the mid-to-high 20s abounded, but not here.  The cold North Wind (from the North Sea, funnily enough) kept the clouds in place and the temperatures at least 10 degrees cooler than practically everywhere else.

Until today.  It might get as warm as 20°C!

 Ooh, before I forget, in book news, I have finished The Thursday Murder Club, and have started the second book in the series by Richard Osman: The Man Who Died Twice.  While reading a few more pages last night, I found myself thinking that Elizabeth and Joyce are very much like Granny Weatherwax and Nanny Ogg respectively, from Sir Pterry Pratchett's Discworld.  This is obviously a good thing.

 Now, back to the GPE reminder and some photographs of subjects you have (mostly) seen before a thousand times:

 

Love-in-a-mist (Nigella damascenais) flower bud

 As you should all be aware by now, the annual Infomaniac Garden Photos Event is held here, rather than at The Very Mistress's hallowed cesspit knitting blog, The Infomaniac.  (For the forgetful, easily confused, and any newcomers, further information can be found by clicking on the Garden Photos Event page at the top of this blog).

 

 This year, just as in years past, the Event will be held in November, so please set to with your cameras and photograph the luxurient growth of your garden, courtyard, terrace, conservatory, windowbox, house plant (delete as applicable) so you have something to send in nearer the time.

 If you don't have a garden or pot plant but would like to take part, just take a photo/s of a favourite plant (or twelve) from a local park or wild area that you frequent (and I do mean frequent - somewhere you visit reasonably regularly to enjoy the greenery) and send them in, but please make sure you let me know where the photos were taken.

 

 I will publish further haranguing nagging reminders throughout the Summer and Autumn, as well as instructions and deadlines etc. (which are usually along the lines of: email me your photos and captions by the end of October - email address, if you don't already have it, is in my blog profile on right).

 

 As you may recall from April's GPE primer, this year's sub-theme is:

Honeybee swarm inspecting my compost heap

Flora and Fauna

 So, if you can take a photo or two of non-human, non-domesticated animal visitors - birds, butterflies, bees, bugs, and/or bears - to your unkempt undergrowth or manicured green patch, please do.  They can be sent in along with your main chlorophyll-based lifeform photos.

Time for Cloverfield...

 ... Just not the one with the gigantic, people-squashing, city-destroying, monster.

I am extremely pleased with how this sun-behind-a-dandelion-clock photo came out.  Extremely.

The clover field in question

Which, thankfully, was "ready for it's close-up, Mr Device"

Lost in the Sunshine

Thank you for sharing your latest tune, Sophie.

And how apt is its title for this sunny Bank Holiday weekend?!

 

 We thought we'd get in quick before the flurry of blog activity that is bound to occur on Sunday.  After Mago's startling Sunday Music on a Saturday he returned to the normal Sunday showing last week, so I expect more of the same tomorrow.  Ms Scarlet has all but promised to publish something tomorrow too (it was too misty to do so on Wednesday, apparently).  And what if Mr Peenee and Dinah make another appearance?? 

 And then, of course, there are the blogging stalwarts who show up every day come rain or shine (except when they're on holiday - remember to fill in the Holiday Rota!): Jon, Mistress Maddie, and Mr Tonking.

 Anyway, in the absence of anything more interesting, may I present the photos of Bertie Bitey on the beach (which I didn't get around to last week), my Little Red Bush, and something from this morning.

 

20th May

 

It Came From the Sea!

It's not all blue skies...

 Eeek!  It's been a week since my last post, so to stave off the non-blogging inertia, here are a load of photos that I've taken so far this month.  Oh, and some new Kylie to listen to as you wade through them:

 

7th May

My Gin Time corner (with a disappearing interferer)

The rest of the shady Gin Time corner