Big fat gay

I was innocently link-following in Wikipedia, from Cloverfield to Humpback Whale, when I came upon this:

Herman Melville describes the humpback whale as "the most gamesome and light-hearted of all the whales, making more gay foam and white water than any other of them".

I don't think I need to say anything else.

Beakzilla

Hedge sparrows peck around on the grass, hoping to find morsels of sunflower seeds and peanuts dropped from the feeders above.


Bluetits swing on the hanging sunflower seed feeder. But suddenly, a deathly pall descends over the tranquil garden setting...


Prepare yourselves. Steel your nerves. There is a presence in the old, dead cherry tree.


It's Beaky!


See how that massive pigeon is keeping it's distance from him? Look at that evil glint in Beaky's eye. Eeeeeeeeevil, I tell you!

I notice he's dyed his white streak too, so as to appear indistinguishable from the other blackbirds, perhaps. Must have used Just For Birds...

Hot footing it

Out! Get out you little bastards! Ou- No! Not on the carpet. Oh, look what you've done... Eeeek! The lino! Shoo!

Oh, how I loathe ironing shirts. Remind me never to try using magic to get it done again. My iron turned into a herd of tiny elephants with red hot feet and proceeded to trample all over the dining room carpet. Which is now covered in hundreds of little smouldering footprints...
And you should see the lino in the kitchen! Tiny molten craters of lino lead from the dining room to the back door where I managed to shoo most of the little buggers out.

* sniff sniff *

Uh oh. I can smell burning. I think one of them ran under the radiator...

I'm doomed!

Just to further cement my Spinsterhood status, I have bonded with my new 'nephew': Spike II.

Inexcuseable has seen fit to furnish her life with a replacement Spike after the original was unceremoniously despatched by a passing car. Anyway, without further ado, here are the pictures of Spike II:






Quick! Kill me now!

... Little recipe

By popular demand, here is the recipe for the cake from Friday's post.

4oz/100g unrefined soft brown sugar
4oz/100g softened butter
2oz/50g self raising flour
2oz/50g ground almonds
2oz/50g cocoa powder
2 large eggs (or 2 medium and a splash of milk)
A few drops of almond essence - Not almond flavouring as it's cheap and nasty and made of chemicals.
4oz/100g dark chocolate drops or chopped chocolate

Mix up everything except for the chocolate with a hand mixer or in a food processor. Don't mix for too long otherwise all the air will be beaten out of it and it won't rise so well. Stir in the chocolate by hand, then you're ready to bake. But first, you must choose your tin. Actually, you probably should have done the tin-choosing before you started mixing. This recipe is good for making individual cakes (about 12) in muffin tins, or one large cake in an 8inch/20cm square tin - Remember to line the tin with baking parchment/paper.
Oh, and you should've turned the oven on, too, so it's hot by the time you've finished mixing. Gas mark 4, or 180 degrees should be fine. Maybe about 170 if you have a fan assisted oven?
Bake the muffin-style cakes for 15-20 minutes or until just firm to the touch. The large cake may take 20-25 minutes.

If you have an Apocalypse Oven like mine, put your space suit on, and pick up the tin of raw cake mix. Open the oven door and hold the tin in front of you - DO NOT PUT IT IN THE OVEN! If your face plate hasn't cracked from the intense heat, you should notice the cake is cooked after a few seconds. Shut the oven door, and relax as your space suit's internal cooling fans struggle to bring your body temperature down to comfortable levels. Swear at Apocalypse Oven and kick it as you walk past to the kitchen counter where you can put the cake onto a cooling rack.

You might like to have a nice glass of wine while the cake is cooling. Possibly even two. Personally, I prefer to finish the bottle - 'Waste not, want not' as the saying goes. Alternatively, why not try a nice gin & tonic or twelve?

Once the cake is cool, and you haven't lost your hand-eye coordination from one too many gins, you can decorate it as you see fit. I spread the muffin-style cakes with chocolate icing/frosting and sprinkle grated chocolate on top. Or, if I've made a square cake, I cut it in half making two rectangles, spread chocolate icing on one, put the other half on top, then spread that with icing too.
Friday's cake was made in a special mini-cake pan with six individual round 'tins'. I sandwiched two of the mini cakes together with icing, spread more icing on top, sprinkled it with grated chocolate and finished off with crystalised violet petals.

I've found that this cake has a moister texture to it if it's left overnight in an airtight tin before eating it. But if you want to wolf it down right away, go ahead!

Little cake...

... to be eaten with your little mouth.





Just practising. Baking and photography, that is. What do you think?

Pudding

There are some things that one just does not want to see at hideously early o'clock in the morning. More especially, there are certain things that should not be seen no matter what the hour.

I'm talking about you, Spotted-Dick-In-Speedos.

I mean, just eww! If you're fat* and look like you've been mixed up with more than a handful of raisins, please do not wear Speedos. Ever. Not even as a joke, because it's just not funny.

My early morning swims just aren't what they used to be. Bring back the stubborn old lady, all is forgiven.



* I didn't want to beat around the bush and say 'overweight' or 'plump' or 'jolly' because we'd all know what was meant.

Duck! No, it's a blackbird...

That little git, Beaky, has almost had my eye out!  

I was, minding my own business in the garden, potting on some philadelphus and moving my agaves across the paysho. I turned around, crouched to pick up another pot, then stood up with it, only to find a sharp yellow beak with four ounces of blackbird attached to it hurtling towards my face.  

Yaaarrghh! 

I ducked just in time, as Beaky didn't make any attempt to swerve. I dropped the pot which smashed onto the paysho, feeling the breeze from his passing ruffle my hair. As he zoomed off, Beaky let fly with his piercing expletive-laden call, probably with a smug look on his evil little face. 

When I get my hands on the little bastard, I'm going to have him stuffed and use him as a toilet-roll holder!

Sweet as pie

I might have a little cry then go to bed.

Why? Because I've just watched Pushing Daisies. The Pie Man and Chuck are so sweet that it makes me sick!

Tim, this may mean I'll be coming for you, after all.

Actually, no I won't. I've just been to yours and discovered that you want kids. I'm guessing not to devour messily with new potatoes and mint, either. Pah! Bloody Breeders...

5ive

No, not that lot. I've been tagged by the ever lovely Snooze.

5 things in my (man)bag:

Address book
Black biro
A plaster (band aid)
Opened pack of Wrigley's Extra sugar free gum (Cool Breeze flavour)
Someone's phone number on a Post-It. I think it's someone's from work?

5 favourite things in my room:



Spathiphyllum 'Mauna Loa'
Blog notepad
Photo of Gitface
Red bed linen
Rabbit.

5 things I have always wanted to do:

Tim, Connor, Pete who used to live next door, George (one last time)...
No! No, no, no. That's not what is meant!

Spoilsport!
Shush, you.

Here, let me finish off:
Fly unaided - I don't like being reliant on Broom, Brolly or unbaptised/unchristened virgin boy fat! Bleeuch! Cholesterol-y.
Give those brats Hansell and Gretel their comeuppance. Little bastards.
Ooh! Ooh! I've got one: Be in a TV show. Preferably as a recurring character in Star Trek Deep Space Nine (yes I know it's finished), Desperate Housewives (as Tom Scavo's boyfriend once he's dumped that nagging shrew Lynette) or Primeval.
Breathe under water.

5 things I'm currently into:

Pushing Daisies (even though it means watching chavvy ITV [no relation]) especially the adorable Pie Maker Ned who reminds me a little of Tim - Must be the eyebrows.
Freckles - either getting my own or seeing other peoples.
Magnolias - the trees, not the paint colour.
Baking chocolate marzipan cake.
Betty's Utility Room. Go and have a look - THIS THING IS FUCKING AMAZING!

5 people to tag: Tim, MJ, CyberPetra, Frobi and the frou frou T-Bird.

Do your worst, my Pretties! Mwah hah hah hah hah ha!

Yeah, this is just a filler...

I thought you should see my knew Demon Box at long last. It's not really dumped all over my dining chairs - It's dumped in the corner behind them, as I haven't found a desk thingy that I like. Of course, finding the right desk will be made into a massive drama, too!

Five, Six, pick up sticks...

Well, hello again. I've just got time to give you a quick update on another couple of books I've read, bringing the total to six this year! Six, eh? Who would've thought it? Watch out Dinah - Here I come!

Book the first was ::drumroll:: The Witches Of Eastwick by John Updike.


I know. You can't believe it. Well, I can barely believe it myself, but finally I have finished that damn book! I know I've moaned about it quite a lot, but, quite frankly, it deserved it.
Well, maybe it didn't. It's likely that I was disappointed that it was so different from the film, which I love. This disappointment is unusual, as in most instances, I much prefer the book to the film adaption. However, I can see how the film's characters evolved from those in the book, and how some of the scenes did, too. I'm not going to go into a full-on book review for two reasons. One: I don't want to spoil it for anyone who may want to read it, and Two: I can't remember enough details about it to review it properly. Apparently, the New York Times said it was 'Dazzling', and who am I to argue with them?

Book the second was Neil Gaiman's Marvel 1602.


Now this isn't really a 'book' book, it's a graphic novel, but it still counts. Marvel 1602 is a story about what would happen if the superheroes, villains and mutants of present day were instead from the turn of the 17th century. The story is set at the end of the reign of Queen Elizabeth and the beginning of King James of Scotland's reign over England, too. America, the New World, has just been discovered and the Spanish Inquisition and a certain Count Von Doom are making things difficult for all and sundry.
The artwork is excellent, the prose suitably old fashioned and the characters easily believeable and recognisable, despite their attire (or lack of, in some cases). Again, I'm not going to give away the story, but for those who like their history with a twist, I highly recommend this book.

You might like to notice that rather than find images of these books on the interweb, I've used my camera to take pictures of my actual books (and a bit of tablecloth)! Yay me, eh?!