Behold... The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition
Hang on. You may need these:
Behold...
This is it! This is The Freakin' Green Elf Shorts Caption Competition! Leave your captions here. For the rules etc, see the next post down.
Fly, my pretties. Fly!
Yay! I'm first!
ReplyDeleteThis isn't a caption. Just a note to say you've done The Shorts proud!
I need a stiff drink to recover from the shock.
You did it!
ReplyDeleteLet the abuse begin.
*unscrews top off Jameson's*
IVD’s leaking bodily fluids scorched the grass causing the lawn to turn brown, wither and die.
ReplyDelete*pass the Jamesons, SID*
Police uncover Irishman's Glory Hole.
ReplyDeleteHahaha!!!
ReplyDeleteSID wins.
*takes swig and passes bottle to MJ*
ReplyDelete"I asked for a fatty ho,not a patio"
Keep up MJ,we could be here a long time.
ReplyDelete*peels hot potato,bites half and hands to MJ
Bright legs at night, sailors delight.
ReplyDeleteReplacement for Portland Bill Lighthouse found in Norwich.
*ta SID. more of the same*
"IVD took to shedding weight a little to far"
ReplyDeleteHonest to Gawd.. word verification
awankob
*Ding dong the witch is dead*
ReplyDeleteThank fuck for that, have you see the state of it's legs!
IVD’s parents send son to out to the home centre only to be disappointed with his choice of patio lanterns.
ReplyDelete"Adidas recall all red trainers,as cheap publicity stunt goes wrong"
ReplyDeleteTranny stuck in cranny.
ReplyDeleteNews at eleven.
"RSPCA arrest man for trying to attract badgers for night time pleasures"
ReplyDelete"Voyeurs flock to shed in Norwich with up-skirt cams."
ReplyDelete"After six hours waiting,IVD realised that his desire to be poked by a munchkin,was highly unlikely*
ReplyDelete*swigs again*
"Don't drink the radioactive Kool-Aid."
ReplyDelete*hopes SID's brought a case, not just one bottle*
*deep voice from inside the shed*
ReplyDelete"Erm IVD..how long was that lube sitting on your patio?"
“Lady Epilady is thrilled to announce it has signed IVD as its newest spokesmodel.”
ReplyDeleteJesus, is this MJ's & SID's blog now? lol
ReplyDeleteTrying to blend in with the wretched lawn Gnome, IVD practices his dead witch pose.
If I could just click my fucking heels I would be fine, but no.... some stupid twat made me drink the wretched fluid in the yellow tub and now I can't move at all.
Oops there goes another rubber green gnome!
ReplyDeleteIVD, in a moment of desperation, tries to disguise himself as a lawn ornament in his attempt to sneak a peek at Johnny Depp's arse.
(I do have to admit that Johnny
Depp has one of the finest poopers I have ever seen).
*passes bottle to Krissteen*
ReplyDeleteDrink?
"IVD's parents congratulate themselves on their first attempt at precision shed dropping"
“No more pesky cold breezes in the IVD household with this new door draft stopper!”
ReplyDeleteScene inspires Elton John to rewrite his classic title from Goodbye Yellow Brick Road to Goodbye Gray Brick Patio.
ReplyDelete*passes out in drunken stupor*
*dreams of more captions*
"Smunty the postie is delighted to find IVD’s installed a new mail slot."
ReplyDelete“U.S. Republican Senator Larry Craig denies wrongdoing using IVD to block the crack in the door of his cubicle in the mens toilets.”
ReplyDeleteWhy TY SID, I would love a shot or two or three.. Since you and MJ have taken up residence here I will stay for a while and visit. (Maybe if I get MJ drunk enough I will get that second hug).
ReplyDeleteKrissteen, we'll leave the bottle with you.
ReplyDeleteSee you back here tomorrow.
IDV discovers that the cat was right, after all. After applying the strange lotion from the yellow bucket, he found that on the other side of the fence, the grass WAS greener and the sun DID shine.
ReplyDeleteThe cat laughed as IDV also discovered the hungry lion.
Prowler caught perving chicken in Norwich
ReplyDeleteThe news at 10
Piggy and Tazzy to win!
ReplyDeleteSID, you've stretched the waistband of The Shorts out enough that both Piggy and Tazzy should be able to fit into them.
ReplyDeleteas long as I don't win, I'm good
ReplyDelete*agrees with Cybertwat*
ReplyDeleteDorothy recoiled in horror and backed away slowly....'Screw Auntie Em and the horse she rode in on, Glinda. YOU wear 'em.'
ReplyDeleteHello IVD! Hi SID, MJ, and the rest of you! Where the hell is MY drink? Huh?
ReplyDeleteIt is I, Kim from Elf Shorts history. I'd like to first tell you that your picture made me spit my coffee, thanks for that. Great Job!!!
I will now enter my caption, and as always, it is on Ms. Mac's Behalf: (because I never want those wretched things in my house again)
"SID's 'Whore Trap' caught more than he bargained for."
Hardly does your photo justice, I know, but I'll work on it.
Good lord, have you never heard of self bronzer?
Hi Kim! Here's the bottle.
ReplyDeleteNow explain to the uninitiated about Ms. Mac as there may be some newbies dropping by who don't know the story.
And please mop up up that coffee.
There are enough stains around here just from The Shorts.
This is a comment, NOT a caption.
ReplyDeleteAre they really your legs? Do you wax or shave?
Oh! Well, you see, Ms. Mac has coveted the FGEShorts forever. She's entered the contests numerous times, but alas, has never won them. In homage to her, I, and a few others, have attempted to win them on her behalf.
ReplyDeleteWho left the sticky shit on the bottle? Sick pigs.
"Bollocks! He has no bollocks!"
ReplyDeleteWell, what fantastic performances! MJ & SID, you've outdone yourselves again. However, First Nations & Kim-on-behalf-of-Ms.Mac's entries had me guffawing with laughter! Brilliant!
ReplyDeleteCarry on.
Oh, and Tim? Yes, those really are my legs. It seems the flash burned away the hair...
Lawks! I forgot to say hello to FN & Kim OBOMsM: Hello!
ReplyDeletehello!
ReplyDeletenow,please, for the love of god, darling, get some sun!
As dunking was out of the question due to yet another water shortage, the good folks of Norfolk decided just to chop the skinny cunt in half with the garden gate with the rusty hinges.
ReplyDeleteThe open mouthed kids thought it was much better than the planned Punch and Judy show.
Norfolk? I meant Norwich.
ReplyDeleteFuck!
The Yanks and Canucks won't have a clue anyway.
IVD regrets naming his ferret Sredni Vashtar.
ReplyDelete"Sales of B & Q's new range of Lazy Bastard Gnomes fail to take off"
ReplyDeleteB & Q = Large Garden Centres for the uneducated Yanucks...lets clump them all together Piggy.
lol @ Yanucks.
ReplyDelete*Steven Spielberg shouts*
ReplyDelete"And cut!"
"Look Elliot,its ET's day off...just fucking improvise"
In order to achieve that spectacular wax job on those legs, IVD had to be restrained...
ReplyDelete*IVDs parents heard whispering to each other*
ReplyDelete"No..you tell him he looks a prat"
IVD regretted buying the book.
ReplyDelete"Hemorrhoids from Hell.Gaining Piles The Hard Way"
*sleep my pretty*
Holy fuck.. I go away for a few hours and all hell breaks loose.
ReplyDeleteIn his eager attempt to escape MJ's wicked clutches IVD realized that he had forgotten to take off the horrifying green elf shorts that she made him wear as her man slave.
WTF is it that I get all these fucked up word verifications at your place IVD? This time, and I shit you not, it is.. YAYHTNVD.. I think they forgot the "I" though and that would have been fucking priceless.
are you wearing bowling shoes?
ReplyDeleteLOL Kimmy, I was wondering the same thing but I was being nice and keeping it to myself.. lol
ReplyDelete"Do I make you horny baby?"
ReplyDeleteI take it from the legs you've been sick for a long while.
ReplyDeleteThat wasn't a caption just a cruel observation.
He thinks the legs look good for his ballet classes, Knudsey.
ReplyDelete*vomits again*
With the new green Veet wax you not only remove the hair but you get that highly sought after moonlight pale look.
ReplyDeleteI think it's best that Old Knudsen not win The Shorts as he has an incontinence problem.
ReplyDeletePiggy: Have you seen him do a full plié over a sailor?
ReplyDeleteThe ballet lessons have really paid off.
"Gay limbo dancers cause consternation at local allotments"
ReplyDeletesorry its the best I can do on a Monday morning . ..
IDV came home a little bit miffy
ReplyDeleteWent to the henhouse and smelled something iffy
Thought the shorts must have gone a little bit whiffy
but not as smelly as his own little stiffy
(like my other posts they should not enter the competition)
LOL @ the Cybertwats last comment.. that is fucking funny shit right there!
ReplyDeleteDon't encourage him, Krissteen. He'll become insufferable!
ReplyDeleteJust for that Cyberpete, I declare you the winner. The 'Shorts can't wait to be with you!!
Thanks Krissteen - but I am not liking this trend of being called CyberTwat. Damn you MJ, damn you to hell
ReplyDeleteIDV you are mean. As for the little stiffy comment, I bet you are hung like a horse but you can't really tell from the picture. Please send evidence
Yes, he is hung like a horse...a sea horse.
ReplyDeleteA clothes horse, surely?
ReplyDeleteJust a plain hor.
ReplyDeleteCyberTwat, since you don't like that name, I hereby christen thee CyberPoo.
wv: jplop
Yes, a clothes horse for Barbie.
ReplyDeleteOoo! I was comment number 69!
ReplyDeleteNo surprises there then?
ReplyDeleteBite me, potato breath.
ReplyDeleteComment not an entry: No wonder it took so long to get all that organised! And now I have to go away and think of a suitable caption.
ReplyDeleteHmmmmmmmm MJ
ReplyDeleteI think IDV really needs to prove his horse hung status. Personally I believe he is massive
This is a comment, not a caption.
ReplyDeleteI just realised - this picture looks like a publicity photo from a low-budget straight to DVD sequel to Manniquin, in which Kim Cattral's whory old dummy ends up at a branch of B&Q where she's subsequently crushed by fence paneling.
God lord, by the looks of those legs Kim Cattral's really let herself go.
Heh, I bet you never, in a million years, imagined that a pair of overworn, stained up, stretched out, disgusting elf shorts would bring this many comments to you blog eh?
ReplyDeletepffft Krissteen, you're just trying to get in the sidebar...
ReplyDeleteWell, you are a hoar, and I've heard one or two people call you a twat before.
Bitch fight!
ReplyDeletePfftt.. Kimmy, you think that is an insult? LOL
ReplyDeleteI saw a great movie over the weekend, The Brave One with Jodie Foster, and I have adopted a new phrase from that movie.. "I am the last super cunt you will ever meet" after she is called a super cunt with a gun.. HA! I LOVE IT!
CyberPete, such beautiful poetry; you should be writing children's books.
ReplyDeleteComments:
For just the price of a cup of coffee, you can help sponsor IDV.
IDV auditions for Britain's Next Top Model by channeling Kate Moss.
Dr Who season premiere: The Tardis lands in Oz.
IDV learns why teleportation is not allowed in public restrooms.
Oh fuck, that was a simply brilliant photo set up and the ensuing comments were hilarious. Finally my Internet connection is back up so I can follow blogs more easily.
ReplyDeleteWell done IDV, well done.
I feel like a moth to a flame, I know what the wretched picture looks like, but I keep coming back to see it again. I can't help myself.
ReplyDeleteMake it your screensaver kim
ReplyDeleteomfg, never!
ReplyDeleteI know what you mean
ReplyDeletethose shoes are really off putting
Uhh, Kim? You KNOW you want Chicken Leg Man on your screen... c'mon, do it.. You know you want to. And as for you CyberCindy, I am sure you already have it set as your background, don't cha? It's ok, you can admit it here, we are all friends.. in some sick twisted sort.
ReplyDeleteKrissteen: I would have if it weren't for the shoes.
ReplyDeleteThey are just so unbelievably bad
Yeah, they are. Looks like the fashion mafia took a hit out on him...
ReplyDeleteShoes?...Bad.
ReplyDeleteHe was given those round the back of the local bowling alley, as a swap for sexual favours with an alsation named Prince.
He promised to wear them in the pic as a sign of their unique and ongoing relationship.
That is so touching SID
ReplyDeleteEverything makes so much sense now
Uhh.. CyberCindy? SID didn't actually touch you honey, but I assume by your reaction that you did manage to cum just a little?
ReplyDeleteOh wait, my bad, you were referring to his comment being touching? Well, I apologize for jumping to the wrong conclusion again.. fucking shit keeps happening to me lately.. go figure.
well no wonder with that white dog smacking your arse all the time
ReplyDeletenaughty naughty
Did IVD share with you his "real pic" of his Witch Legs?
ReplyDeleteHe sent it to me before the surgery.
I've seen those before
ReplyDeletethe chamber of horrors?
If someone would get this dog off my arse I might be able to think a bit more clearly
ReplyDeleteOMG those witch legs are frightful!
Drag queen legs usually are.
ReplyDelete...98
ReplyDelete...99
ReplyDeleteYay! ONE HUNDREDTH!
ReplyDeleteYAY! FUCKING YAY!
Eat those shorts, bitches!
I was going to do that,but then I thought,what a twat would do that?
ReplyDeleteLOL, yes you are correct SID, it is definately something a twat would do and well, look at who did it?!
ReplyDelete:-)
*laughs and points at Piggy*
ReplyDelete103 (now 4!) comments! Well done!
ReplyDeleteThere once was a lad named IVD, who wore green elf shorts when he pee'd.
ReplyDeleteHe went to the outhouse and that's where he passed out from the stagnant aroma of wee.
Comment:
ReplyDeleteAs a member of Santa's spy organization, IDV (Codename: Prancer) keeps an eye on who's been bad or good.
Comments:
ReplyDeletePracticing his Suzanne Somers thigh exercises, IDV prepares for his famous Halloween parties, where he turns tricks as treats.
Doing his part as a great Elf Queen, IDV uses his legs as the light of Earendil, when he's humping under stars, in dark places, when all other lights go out.
As an incentive for his blog buddies to visit, IDV lets a house fall on him; thus, began the journey of a fag hag in coveted red shoes, a big pussy, a clumsy idiot, and a stiff man often needing a drink and lubrication.
You cheeky bunch of c...
ReplyDeleteDespite that, some marvellous captions from YNF, Piggy & Tazzy, Krissteen, CyberPoo and Frobi. I see MJ and SID are keeping up the good work.
Tim: Thanks for the comment, but for Christ's sake turn it into a caption. You know you want to!
Everyone else who has yet to leave a caption: Snap to it!
I can't go through PSS (Pre Shorts Syndrome) again.
ReplyDeleteI can picture Frobi trying to squeeze into them though. Although at the moment he's too busy trying to get into Ben Cohen's shorts.
There is no way on Earth I am going to let those shorts get anywhere near my awesome man-parts.
ReplyDeleteTim: Awesome, eh? We'll see about that...
ReplyDeleteMJ: Imagine Ben Cohen in The 'Shorts. I bet they'd be pretty tight.
Anorexic Dorothy wanna be found dead in limbo tragedy.
ReplyDelete* snigger *
ReplyDeleteYay - I'm 114th!!
ReplyDeleteSize zero elf shorts model tops himself as he is banned from the catwalk.
So that's where I put my shed!
ReplyDeleteKaz: Yay! You came!
ReplyDeleteWyndham: Well, you wouldn't let me in your turret a while back...
Damn, I didn't even hear her breath hard.. she is one of the silent comers eh?
ReplyDeleteYanno, I am spent and just cannot come up with another caption for these fucking shorts.. I must rest up for my up and coming wild weekend in Vegas with Kimmy! (I think she is going to hurt me!)
Ok. Here's my less than stellar caption.
ReplyDeleteHost: That spell was supposed to give me a torso like a brick shithouse!
IDV: *snigger*
Yes, yes, I'm off to Vegas. Pity, I won't see who won the contest until late next week! You have a difficult decision ahead of you, good luck!
ReplyDeletebtw... You have very interesting regulars...
Good lord, my word verification is
jucyex.
I think I just threw up a little.
"Mummy! Mummy! Look what the cats dragging in!"
ReplyDeleteLOL Kim! I hate it when that happens!
ReplyDeleteI shall see you in a couple days, you know you are so excited that you wet yourself just a little didn't you?
IDV, yeah I know I did it right this time but heh, who knew? Anyway, good luck with the compo.. I wont be back to check on you until next week as I am going to busy myself doing other exciting things.. :-)
May the best Caption win!
Having examined the body,the pathologist drew his own conclusion as to the reason for the unusual suicide.
ReplyDeleteThe shoes.
IVD persisted in his attempt to recreate the novelty urinal he had spotted on the internet.
ReplyDeleteIVD was not amused at his pimps latest request,even though it was for the increased price of 50p
ReplyDeleteWhy the fuck am I taking this pic for?
ReplyDeleteLegs are open.
Shall I have a go?
One day a hydra was loosed
ReplyDeleteand elves had been seduced
The hydra, a terrible serpent
his demeanor ever so ferment
Heads six had he
and terrified me
seven inch fangs
and spittle that hangs
Truly a darkened day
when elves could not go play
The dark elves had trained them to kill
they laughed for it gave them a thrill
So I took up my sword and ran for the cave
trying to be, an elf that was brave
I swung my blade and off with a head
then I kept swinging until he was dead
So home I returned to my peers
basking in elfin cheers.
Tatas: Was that you? It's brilliant!
ReplyDeleteAlthough I'm a little confused. I hope my head hasn't been lopped off too?
T-Bird: * snigger * indeed!
Don't stop now SID. You're almost there... Just a little further... For a little longer...
I'm hoping that's not Tata's poem.
ReplyDeleteCan you imagine the filth that would ensue should Tatas and Connie get their mitts on The Shorts?
It was me and I wouldn't want to see what was underneath them shorts
ReplyDeleteI'm flabbergasted that Tatas can spell her own name let alone write poetry!
ReplyDelete*imagines the sordid future ahead for The Shorts if they fall into Tatas' filthy lap*
Comments:
ReplyDeleteNearing the peak of the fall season, IDV attempts to camouflage himself from rampaging witch hunting Puritans.
With his snow white legs, IDV lays on a path to the mines, hoping some dwarves will invite him over for some hi ho-ing and group spelunking.
That poem was rubbish!
ReplyDeleteAnd I bet she had help with it.
I'd sack the helper.
Bollocks. It deleted a sentence!
ReplyDelete*Tries again*
That poem was rubbish. There was no sex and debauchery in it!
What do you mean "there was no sex and debauchery in it"?
ReplyDeleteShe dipped her tatas in paint to compose it!
Or Connie's todger, more likely.
There's three more days to the competition ending. Let's see if we can get IDV's comments page past 200.
ReplyDeleteConnie's todger lmfao
ReplyDeleteIt's amazing what you can do with Connie's COCK
Comment:
ReplyDeleteInstead of welcoming committee, IDV thought he was asked to be the welcoming mat--still, many visitors enjoyed his spread.
Comment:
ReplyDeletePlanning to outdo Richard Simmon's Sweating to the Oldies, IDV launches Kegels on the Curb.
Last one from me before I escape.
ReplyDeleteIVD leaves the remnants of his tub of "I-can't-believe-it's-not-boy-butter" outside his shed knowing Piggy will sniff it out and make good use of it.
Well done IVD. You did the Shorts proud!
My condolences to the Winner.
Can't-stop-the-autism.
ReplyDeleteComment 140 Yay!
Comment:
ReplyDeleteGod Save the Queen!
Comment:
ReplyDeleteIDV thighs,
IDV thighs,
Every morning you greet me.
Long and White,
Smooth and Bright,
You look horny to meet me.
Blossom among Hoes
May you Bloom and Glow
Bloom and Glow forever
IDV thighs
IDV thighs
Be STD free forever
Comment:
ReplyDeleteHo, a queer, a fem-like dear
Ray, his legs bright as the sun
Me, I'm afraid of the shorts myself
Far, away I should run
So, they say he gives great head
La Femme Fatale he is they said
Tea bagging in his shoes of red
and that'll bring us back to
Ho Ho Ho Ho...
The hills are alive with the sound of YNF's music...
ReplyDeleteWhy the Hell haven't you got a blog?
IDV, I'm boring, and I spend (waste) way too much time on the internet when I should be doing something productive, i.e. sleep, maybe work, clean the gutters etc, etc.
ReplyDeleteI have too much fun reading your blog and others--and I pay for it dearly the next day. But it's a terrible addiction, and like any crack whore, I come crawling back for more.
*cue the Britney Spears MTV/VMA performance of Gimme More*
Comment:
ReplyDeleteMore than meets the eye, IDV begins his transformation into Trailertron, the mobile home autobot.
OOPS! Typo above! Must get some sleep!
ReplyDeleteComment:
To the dismay of CSI agents, the black light revealed the victims legs were completely covered in semen, creating a list of suspects thicker than the first 3 volumes of the Encyclopedia Britannica.
Comment:
ReplyDeleteDeceptively coy, the insatiable Venus fly trap spreads itself wide open, eagerly anticipating it's next piece of meat.
Comment:
ReplyDeleteMy milk white legs bring the boys to the yard,
And they're like
It's better than yours,
Damn right even in these shorts,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge
Comment 150!!!!!!
ReplyDeleteWe're not in Kansas anymore!
Comment:
ReplyDeleteIf you believe in fairies, clap your hands; don't let IDV die...I said clap, you bastards!
Comment:
ReplyDeleteHeadline from The Sun,
"Queen: Another One Bites the Dust"
My milk white legs bring the boys to the yard,
ReplyDeleteAnd they're like
It's better than yours,
Damn right even in these shorts,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge
this made my month!