First off, the Honourable Mentions:
Tim, for Truly Outstanding Efforts In The Field Of Commenting: I won't direct any stalky, smutty, innuendo-type comments at you for a week. Or for as long as I can abstain. Of course, if you rip your shirt off to reveal - Oh no! You forgot to wear your Superman T-shirt underneath - then I can't be held responsible for the outcome. Besides, I'll have to fight my way through the hoards to get anywhere near stalking distance, so laziness will probably kick in and I won't bother.
Although, if that's the case, everyone else feel free to do a bit of Tim-stalking in my place (I told you I'd get you, Tim - Mwah hah hah hah ha!).
MJ, for the
And now for the winners:
S.I.D., for Displaying Truly Heroic Intrepiditude To Be The First, And Only, To Correctly Deduce That The First Reason For The Emergency Wedding Was, 3. "To tie the knot before impending death/reincarnation": I shall side with you in any altercations with M&J and MJ for the next week. Together, we'll be a formidable adversary,
Spike, for Exceptional Valour And Monumental Deductive Reasoning In Explaining The Second Reason For The Emergency Wedding: I shall pimp your Blog. Now listen up everyone:
Don't let that delightful Blog of his fool you, Spike's as smutty and tawdry as they come (OK, so not down to M&J's 'standards'). Oh, yes, he may impress you with his amazing photography skills and wow you with his knowledge of Oz (Straylya, not "I don't think we're in Kansas anymore, Toto"). He may even have you "Oh, that's what it means"ing with his Ducktionary. But behind that lurks a Gayer of magnificent proportions*.
And that concludes this evenings festivities. Don't get eaten by this lot on the way out (thanks Spike!):
* I'm talking about his fingernails. Alexis Morell Carrington Colby Dexter Rowan, eat your heart out!
Finally realized your comments were disabled, did you?
ReplyDeleteThe thick cunt.
ReplyDeleteWell, what an honour. I'd like to thank the academy, and my mom and da-
ReplyDeleteWha...?
I 'didn't win' you say?
What do you mean I didn't win?
WHAT!? You mean I attended this thing and I DIDN'T WIN ANYTHING? Get my agent on the phone. This sucks majorly.
I'm off.
*pisses in flowers on the way out*
*accepts award then cries uncontrollably into hankie*
ReplyDelete*looks up to address watching audience*
*breaks down again*
*leaves stage*
*still pissing in the flowers*
ReplyDelete...
...
*considers crapping on the red carpet*
Get the hook and remove SID from the podium.
ReplyDelete* uses hook to drag MJ & M and J through Tim's (the dirty bastard) red-carpet-leavings *
ReplyDelete* hands SID a glass of champers to calm him down *
*takes bill for carpet cleaning, wipes arse with it, and hands it back*
ReplyDeleteLovely event - looking forward to next year's!
SID will need something stronger than champers.
ReplyDeleteChampers just makes him giggle like a girlie.
*drinks too much champers*
ReplyDelete*mixes with Jameson's*
*vomits over everyone*
*resumes crying*
SID giggles like a girly anyway.
ReplyDeleteEspecially when you touch his bum.
Even more so when his starfish is tickled.
* flicks off SID's vomit onto MJ and Tim hoping Tim's shirt will have to come off... No. No. Remembers award given to him *
ReplyDeleteI'm not sure that your comment can be classed as an 'altercation' with SID, M and J. Altercations aren't supposed to be enjoyed, are they?
Anyway, SID started on the whiskey, so I don't have to... Ooh, look! All that runny puke is making Tim's shirt all see-through!
*hoses down vomit-afflicted blog*
ReplyDelete*notes that when SID is given a choice, he prefers his starfish to be tickled by tongue rather than feather or finger*
*notes that no one can scrape the bottom of a barrel like MJ.
ReplyDeleteShe brings new meaning to plumbing the depths that one*
MJ: I'll remember that for future use.
ReplyDeleteNot that I do such things myself, of course!
Connie: She can please herself, then?
*hands over bill for dry-cleaning of shirt and "harumphs"*
ReplyDelete*pours concrete down Connie and IVF's plumbers cracks*
ReplyDelete* takes bill for dry-cleaning of shirt, wipes arse with it, and hands it back to Tim with a feeling of deja vu *
ReplyDelete* expels a controlled jet of poo-air, blasting concrete off 'crack and pebbledashing MJ - a trick one learned from The Straights *
The Straights... I liked their early stuff.
ReplyDeletewot about my booby prize?
ReplyDelete*arriving after all the champers is drunk/flat*
ReplyDeleteBugger.
*sniffs flowers*
Dear God.
*Looks at bill. Throws bill on floor. Snaps off Device, throws it in piss-soaked flowers. Smiles politely and goes home.*
ReplyDeleteThanks for a lovely awards ceremony!
Is it time for lazy cunt IVF to post something new yet?
ReplyDelete*T-Bird comes out from under the table with running mascara and mussed hair. Joins Sid vomiting and crying in the corner*
ReplyDeleteI'm new, so I'm looking for my "welcome" packet from this blog. Coupons and free samples - you know - the goodies.
ReplyDeleteSo whazzup?
Skillz: What happened after their early stuff? Lifestyle change?
ReplyDeleteTickers: For Booby Prizes, you'd better get over to SID or MJ's.
Spike: Sorry about that. I think Tim had been eating asparagus...
Tim: What's poor Bill ever done to you?
* retrieves device and soaks it in bleach before reattaching it *
M and J: Ha! Look who's talking!
* holds T-Bird's hair back *
Jali: Well, hello. I'm afraid all the goody-bags have been sprayed with SID and T-Bird's vomit. I can't even offer you a bunch of flowers as Tim's widdled all over them!
You're welcome to my prized blackbird, though.
* cackles evilly *
Ahem. Just clearing my throat...