Monday, October 14, 2013

Graceless clod


 Now, I was playing table tennis with The Father yesterday (don't ask), when he told me that I should loosen up a bit more. Be more fluid. Make my movements and shots more graceful as I "look like a piece of wood"!

Not me, sadly.
 How very dare he! I am grace personified. Grace, elegance and poise are three words one could use to describe me. In fact, one could call me grace incarnate!

* ahem * Really?

 Shush, you! Just let him get on with his digging... 

 Hey! Anyway, I-  Oh.  Who left these here?

:

Unluckily, there was someone right where I hadn't intended to land.
"Ow!" she said as I clonked her on the elbow with Broom as I swerved at the last minute.
"Oof!" I said after hitting the trellis in the courtyard.

~

As I strode down a corridor to find Tim and Princess, they found me.
"Oof!" I said as the stretcher they were pushing bashed into my leg.
"Run!" Princess cried, bashing me again with the stretcher.

~

* CRASH *
Drat. Sorry I've been a bit neglectful this past week or so - I've been trapped in the airing cupboard. Not in the Narnia-esque land back there (with its opening behind the hot water tank), as I had it closed off not long after I'd moved in after finding small hoof-prints and faun shit all over my best tablecloth and runner.

~

* collapses into Sparky Malarkey and utters, with rubbish German accent *
Oh, Timothy, Timothy. Mine very own Timothy. You saved my life.
I shall never forgive you...

~
"Oof! Bugger. Who'd've thought there'd be a Cusp Interface on Cybertron?"

~
"Oof!" I fell back onto my desk, winded. "Ahh... Physical contact!" I drew myself together, transmogrifying into a fearsome dragon. "T-Bird!" I roared. "Timothy has escaped!"

~
"Oof! I think I just landed on someone" I said as I extricated myself from folds of pink taffeta.
"Not just someone" the figure said. "You've clobbered a fairy godmother! Either that or Barbara Cartland."

~
 
Oof! I'm back.
I dropped a penny the other day, turned and stooped to pick it up and accidently spun into a different universe. The one with the brown jelly babies!

:
    
 Well, I think we can clearly see who has been doing all the graceless clodding around here, eh Witchface?

 I don't know about that? It was all done in your body!

So. While those two bicker, lets watch the stunning Aljaž Skorjanec (and that Abbey Clancy, I suppose) glide handsomely beautifully around the stage.





6 comments:

LX said...

Maybe thinking of this whilst playing table tennis and otherwise bumping about will help!

Princess said...

I didn't realise that you were moonlighting on "Strictly". You look very graceful in a frock draped over that lovely gentlman in his white suit...
Might I suggest you adopt the frock as your table tennis ensemble next time tou play The Father in a game...

MJ said...

Nobody is looking at your wood.

Inexplicable DeVice said...

LX: I'll give it a go next time we play.

Princess: I may need your assistance in taking bits in and letting other out...

MJ: Not even Aljaž?

* pouts *

Ms Scarlet said...

You would make a lovely Abby Clancy, you have the height... but this year belongs to Brenden Cole!
Sx

Inexplicable DeVice said...

Ms Scarlet: I'll practice my Liverpuddlian. Aljaž won't be able to tell the difference!

I think Brendan's on to a winner with Sophie.