Saturday, April 28, 2007

Rod, Sk(H)ull and Emo

In a move that none of us had suspected, the Forces of Emo have struck like an inanimate carbon rod to the back of one's skull! This information has been brought to my attention by two of my deep cover agents from the MoD*



Whoever controls the oil, controls the planet. Just look at all that unpleasantness with America and the Middle East.
We must vanquish this dispicable Emo foe before they get too big for their DMs/Converse All Stars (or whatever the Hell they wear).

* releases flying monkeys to track down and destroy the Emo *

Fly, my evil darlings! Fly!





Unless, of course, they're not planning world domination, just researching a new oil-based lubricant to allow them to slip into even tighter drainpipe jeans?

* rushes to window and yells after rapidly disappearing 'monkeys *

Come back, my evil darlings! Come ba... Oh, forget it. Go and enjoy yourselves.




* Monkeys of Doom, not Ministry of Defense. Athough the concept is the same.

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

200 eyebrows


















Just some of the 'brows doing the rounds in Blogland. Except those at the bottom - they belong to a non-Blogger: Sylar from Heroes. If they aren't the most delightful pair you've ever seen, then burn me at the stake!










Phwooaarrr!


P.S. I know there aren't 200 eyebrows here. The 200 is in the title because this is my 200th post. I didn't realise until the last minute that I'd reached this milestone, so I didn't have time to do something more meaningful. And I'm missing Ugly Betty as I do this!
At least it wasn't another Broom or Car post, eh Piggy?

Tuesday, April 24, 2007

Go Go, Gone?

After a nagging by Piggy, I thought I'd better post something.

I was going to post the other half of the last post, but it's not finished and I can't honestly be arsed to right now as I'm tired*. Then I was going to post something about eyebrows but I need to sort some pics out, so I won't be doing that right now either.

Instead, you'll just have to put up with this while I watch Battlestar Galactica in the hope that Helo's clothes might inexplicably fall off...



* Well, go-go dancing for poofs is hard work, MJ!

Friday, April 20, 2007

Expense


I got a nice letter from the 'board* the other day. It seems Broom is overdue a service.

Unfortunately, they sent a brochure, too, trying to tempt me into purchasing a new method of transport. They offered a good trade in price for Broom, because apparently, used brooms are in high demand.
The cover portrayed the latest model in twisted mahogany, complete with inset pine marten backbone and silver inlay. Gorgeous!
Of course, my budget wouldn't stretch as far as what they cost. Especially as Car is overdue a service, too.

I'd ignored them after they phoned a couple of months or so ago to offer 5% off the service. They called a month after that, offering 10% off, which again I poo-pooed. Finally, two and a half months down the line, I was sent a voucher entitling me to get 20% off the service, plus an extra £50 if I spent more than £400.

Who could refuse? Clearly not me as I nearly slipped in my own drool scooping up the vouchers...




* As in Broom Cupboard.


P.S. The picture up there is of Broom, not the Ultimate Brochure-Broom, sadly.

Thursday, April 19, 2007

Tuesday, April 17, 2007

It... It lives!?

Well, after spending all that time with the undead, I'm looking forward to being around the living for a while. I know I'm one to talk being unalive, but still, it's better than being a badly animated corpse.

Right. Better do something while I'm here...

* scratches bum* and drinks juice from the carton *

Ummmmm...

* squints out at the unseen audience and shuffles a bit *

Line?




* That's fanny, posterior or ass to you lot from across the pond, not a filthy scabby tramp**
** A bum, not a slutty ho***

Sunday, April 15, 2007

Please leave a message after the beep

I expect you all want to know the reason for my temporary absence?

* copious cicada chirping *

OK. Then, I expect a very few of you are feigning mild curiousity but in reality couldn't give two figs.

All I can say is that manoeuvering with The Undead is very time consuming. Not least because we had to keep stopping every so often to pick up bits of Dead Flesh, rebandage Mummy after he became caught up on practically everything with an edge, and remember to look for Non-Existant Boy when he wandered off on his own.

Here we are almost ready to go out one night:


And, no, you don't need to say it. I've told them I don't know how many times, that putting on a shirt doesn't mean they'll blend in!

* beeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeep *

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

Thank you for holding. An operator will be with you shortly...

Update:

1. Car is now in fully working order (Piggy: Ha!). The battery was in need of a charge, that's all.


2. Manhoovering (how fabulously indelicate, T-Bird!) is over with for now. More on this another time.


3. I think I have a slight crush on a friend's boyfriend. To make matters worse, said boyfriend looks just like my sister, Inexcusable's, fiance.

Does this mean I covet my sister's man?

I detest covetting - I mean, one can never get enough fabric to do the whole thing...


4. My anti-social streak has ended. At least, for now. I am now able to go out with impunity! One good thing about it was that the house is tidy - when housebound, I clean. Desperately!


5. Ooh, forget number 3. A cute guy is cleaning his car out in the street. I'm just popping out to do some pretend gardening...




P.S. I'm catching up reading your Blogs from work. Unfortunately, the demon they call GSI PROXY forbids me to leave comments - I am still here, and I am still reading you loud and clear. Normal service shall resume shortly.

Friday, April 06, 2007

Hold, please.

Oof! I'm out on manoeuvers.

Back soon...

Sunday, April 01, 2007

Damn and blast

Car has thwarted me again!

I was all set for a trip to Sainsbury's so I could fill the cupboards, stock up on wine (25% off, don't you know) and stalk the goodlooking unwary. And if their Bitch Wives/Girlfriends™ just happened to accidently fall in the freezers, so be it.

However, it was not to be.

Car wouldn't start.


Oh, it made a couple of halfhearted attempts at turning over, but ultimately Car remained stationary and pouting.

Rrrrrroooooowwwargh*!

To make matters worse, I'd just been reading the Auto Express Driver Power Survey results with a smug feeling because, despite other Alfa 156 owners wailing and gnashing of teeth over their beautiful and stylish cars propensity to be rife with electrical gremlins**, Car had, so far, bucked that trend and been nothing but reliable (almost), despite being nearly four and a half years old.

That'll teach me to tempt Fate. Bloody cow has had it in for me ever since I beat her at dominoes.

I should have seen this coming. Actually, I did see this coming but the 'I'll do it tomorrow' gene kept kicking in. For the last week or so, Car hasn't started with it's usual vigour, so I knew something wasn't quite right. And I didn't get it checked out after this humiliating incident.

I guess there's no one else to blame? Well. Bugger that. I'm going to blame everyone else anyway. Just see if I don't! And Car's going to get the thrashing of its life/existence too, if I can find a big enough branch...

If Car doesn't start soon, I'm going to have to -

* fannage *

resort to walking to pikey Morrisons down the road, or -

* more fannage *

obtaining some sort of public transportation to get to and from Sainsbury's.

* swoon *

* thud *




Bugger.




* Thanks for this, T-Bird.
** I presume these must be some sort of silicon based life form?